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Merlin had tried not to focus on the way that Arthur had been looking at him. The last thing he needed to be doing was thinking about what that look might mean and if it was actually a true feeling from the other man or from the potion. And either way, he couldn’t and shouldn’t think about that. Not when he had Thomas. It was already too late for he and Arthur. He had long given up on anything happening there, why he had moved onward when he’d had the chance. Besides, Thomas treated him well, like an equal. Even now, Arthur thought him some damsel, when Arthur had no idea how powerful he truly was. As he heard a guard approach, Merlin pressed Arthur up against a hidden alcove, keeping close to him as they let the guard pass. It was dark enough that they weren’t noticed and Merlin told him to keep quiet, he just hoped that the potion hadn’t completely made Arthur lose all of his senses. When he was sure they could pass, Merlin was tugging them both out toward the exit and just in time too, for the alarm bells were going off. Running, Merlin found his horse and gestured for Arthur to hop on, Merlin scrambling up behind him and urging the horse faster. If he used magic, he was just glad that Arthur couldn’t see his eyes. The horse sped faster and they were off back to Camelot.
Arthur quieted immediately when Merlin guessed his father’s quest so easily. The tone made it clear that Merlin thought this was as stupid as Arthur did, but he couldn’t very well argue with his father. Not with such a clear reminder that he was a disappointment so fresh. “Merlin… You don’t understand. Failure is not an option that I have. Not this time.” He sighed, pursing his lips together as Merlin outright forbid him from returning to the mission. Arthur truly didn’t know what to do. Everything inside of him wanted to make his father proud of him. He had to wash away the disappointment and the itching thought that he would fail miserably once he was king.
But, he couldn’t refuse Merlin. He couldn’t risk Merlin going after him again and getting hurt. Even without the potion pushing him, Arthur was worried about Merlin. This wasn’t like the other missions. Arthur wasn’t sure he would win if he tried again. “He told me not to come back without it, Merlin… He meant it. I can’t… I can’t go home until it’s finished.”
It wasn’t fair. He didn’t want to do the stupid quest. He didn’t want to go back to the cold and the dark. Not when Merlin was so close. Not when Merlin looked so beautiful. Arthur closed his eyes, holding onto Merlin a bit more tightly. He didn’t want to go. He hadn’t wanted to leave originally either, but thinking about that only reminded him that Merlin had someone waiting for him. Arthur was exhausted, leaning into Merlin’s back. The fight against magic was important and Arthur knew that. And, as he’d mentioned before he left, Arthur couldn’t protect Merlin from trouble if he couldn’t maintain his high standing. If he couldn’t appease Uther’s rage, he couldn’t protect Merlin from it. “Please, Merlin… Try to understand. This is important. It’s… They have something dangerous. Father said this magic must be contained.”
“No offense sire, but you know you and your father can’t control what people have in other kingdoms in regards to magic, right?” Merlin didn’t often make his distaste known, at least not so openly and vocally to Arthur. The last thing he needed was the Pendragons thinking he was sympathetic to the cause, when it actually he was a part of it and majorly so. Still, for Uther to think he had the right to control whatever magic items other kingdoms had made no sense to him. “And your father is foolish to send you alone, where you have little chances to retrieve something without getting caught. They have magic. What is he thinking? You’re lucky they simply locked you up. Your fate could have been far worse than that.” Merlin didn’t trust too many magical folk himself outside of the Druids. “You are better off going home failed in your mission rather than coming back to us not at all. If your father can’t accept that then that’s a him problem. You are good as you are.” If Arthur was in his right mind, Merlin was sure he wouldn’t be saying these things. He just hoped he’d listen either way. “You are more important to the kingdom anyway. What are we to do if we lose you? Has your father not thought of that, hm?” There were no other Pendragon heirs that could take on the throne. He was really surprised that Uther went out of his way to send Arthur on dangerous missions so often.
Hearing Merlin talking so outright defiantly about something so sensitive was shocking. Normally, Merlin was smart enough to keep quiet about his distaste for his father’s choices. Arthur was confused by Merlin’s stance, but he did listen. “You don’t understand, Merlin… If I cannot do my job, I shouldn’t be king. If I’m too weak, I will only destroy Camelot when it is my turn to rule.” He sighed, finally peeking up from his hiding spot against Merlin’s back.
“This thing is dangerous, Merlin… Magic is dangerous. We can’t risk getting caught with an official mission, so my father is distancing the kingdom from this… He couldn’t admit to sending me without it causing a war.” He had to convince himself that this was tactical, not just that his father was disappointed and angry. “I don’t want anything to hurt you, Merlin… I can’t protect you from my father if he is still so angry. We’ll have to fight this thing eventually, I’d rather handle it before it becomes more powerful.”
Arthur rested his head against Merlin’s back, whining a bit. “I just need to rest for a bit… I’m tired. Then I can try again. If you can just wait here, where it’s safe. And I’ll go back in. I’ll find it. I just need to find it. I’ll make sure you’re safe, Merlin.” He closed his eyes, making quiet noises as he tried to just relax and get a little bit of rest. He was struggling a bit with the potion, but he was convinced that this item would harm Merlin if given the chance. He was doing this to keep Merlin safe. Because he loved him. He couldn’t lose because it meant that Merlin would be defenseless against something as dangerous as magic.
“Is that something your father tells you? Because it’s wrong and you should know that. Do you not know how proud the people are of you, how highly they speak of you?” Shaking his head, Merlin couldn’t believe the things coming out of Arthur’s mouth. Maybe the potion was bringing out his insecurities as well, what did he know. “Not all magic is dangerous,” he finally said, knowing Arthur likely wouldn’t even remember him saying it once the potion wore off. “And stop treating me like I’m some damsel in distress!” He snapped back, flicking at the reigns. He could feel Arthur going slack against him, clearly worn out by the mission and his travel. “It’s not me you should worry about. It’s yourself, your kingdom, your people. If you leave everyone, where does that leave us, hm?” He wasn’t sure if Arthur was hearing him, but he ignored the bit about staying put. Merlin wasn’t letting him go back in there if he had any say in it. Eventually, they reached a secluded area of the woods. He wasn’t sure if Arthur was sleeping of not, but he got off the horse and helped Arthur off too. “We’ll rest here, it’s clear you need it. I’ll get us a fire going, okay?” Blue eyes shifted toward the prince in concern. He didn’t know what was going through his head. Part of Merlin just wanted to take Arthur away from Camelot, but he had been right earlier in saying that the kingdom needed him. More than Arthur even knew, it seemed.
