I’m sort of balancing everything on whether i get this job or not
I desperately need it, its my last resort from all the jobs i’ve handed applications to
it would make me probably not want to stop school and inspire me to not be shit and restore my self confidence/give me energy
somehow it would probably inspire me to deal with my depression by just having a schedule i look forward too, get out of my abusive household whether it be through a car or just extra money to move, it would get my rabbit away from my family who make it their everyday goal to inflict as much stress as possible onto the poor creature
however I have such a crippling self hatred in everything that i am to feel any speck of self confidence
90% chance i don’t get it, and if i don’t i’ll probably hate myself so much that i’ll either stop trying at school and life and it sounds dramatic but i cannot fathom what I’ll feel like when i don’t get it after trying so hard
theres literally no way i can do another semester without a car and will need to rehome my bunny no matter the outcome but I'm just trying to deal with that later to stop myself from crying constantly because I'm selfish and hopeful that i can find some way to keep him