#asexual barty crouch

[cukrkandl]

i've written ace evan/allo barty and i've written ace evan/ace barty but have we considered allo evan/ace barty. bc i think it would slap

[cukrkandl]

happy ace week from my ace marauders 💜

An Ace Up Your Sleeve, Ace in the Hole, Hold All the Aces, and Other Fitting Asexual Puns | rosekiller | 12k | aroace barty (main), ace evan (main), everyone else is aspec! and i mean EVERYONE

“Well, how about this?” Barty asks, and somehow, everybody shuts up. Huh. Magic. “How many asexuals does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. But there are a bunch of allos arguing they’re not ace because they’re screwing.” There’s a breath of silence, and then, Sirius smiles. “We’re keeping you.” “Yeah, you aced that!” James adds, having finally stopped coughing. Regulus punches him. “I hate these fucking jokes,” Marlene says. “You all put the ace in disgrace.”

Remus Lupin and the Frankenstein Dilemma | wolfstar | 13k | ace remus (main), ace evan (side)

But he can never imagine having sex with him and that’s how he knows it’s never going to happen. Because he’s a fiend, a devil, a creature, a daemon. He’s the monster in the story, after all, and Sirius has had enough monsters in his life.

to build a home | wolfstar | 20k | grayace sirius (main), aroace regulus (side)

“[M]ost people just want to have sex. Like, that’s just a fact for them, right? They meet someone, they like them, they want to have sex with them, it’s not that complicated. Well, turns out it’s really fucking complicated for me. And I always say that—that the stars have to be aligned for me to want to have sex, and most of the time, they just aren’t. And that’s cool, honestly, it really doesn’t bother me the way it used to when I was younger. I even prefer it, I think. I don’t know, I don’t know what it’s like to not be like this, but there are just things I want more in a relationship than sex, you know? But yeah, sometimes the stars are aligned and—”

the secrets of strawberry jam | queerplatonic wolfstar | 11k | aroace sirius (main), aroace remus (main)

The smile travels, and Sirius finally raises his eyes to look at Remus. “It seems that we have a lot of things in common, Sirius. So many, in fact, that we could be that person for each other, couldn’t we?”

when the butterflies turned to dust | rosekiller | 26k | ace barty (main), ace evan (main)

“Wait—” Barty pants, and Evan stops immediately, even though his tongue was just inside of Barty’s mouth, and it makes it really awkward for him to pull away. “You… uhh—sex?” “What? I thought we agreed sex was for other people.” “Yeah, just—just making sure. Fuck, Evan, kiss me again.”

to a happier year | jegulus (main), wolfstar, rosekiller | 200k | demiace james (main), grayace sirius (side), ace evan (side), aroace pandora (side)

And there it is, the danger in Barty’s eyes. “Is that a problem? You think people have to do that, huh? You think everybody just walks around feeling all those feelings? Huh?” “No,” James says quickly. “Not at all. I—actually, I don’t really—well, I feel them differently, too, if that helps. It takes me a long time to develop them.”

[cukrkandl]

barty crouch invented asexuality just saying

“Barty?” Evan asks softly, and Barty chases his mouth, whining when he doesn’t get a kiss. He hums instead of answering, hoping that’s enough. “Can we do it before we go home?” “Do what?” “Have sex.” And it all comes crashing down. Sex. That’s the whole reason they’re even here, isn’t it. It’s all fake. None of it is real, not the way Evan’s hair is all messed up, not the pink bruises on his neck, not the kisses, not the cuddling that they’ve managed to perfect, or all those fucking dates, it’s all fake. It’s all just about sex. Everything’s always just about sex, and nobody would ever smile at him if he didn’t fuck them first, except for Evan—and now, well.

when the butterflies turned to dust (chapter 5)

[cukrkandl]

just thought of ace4ace rosekiller and CAN YOU IMAGINE

[cukrkandl]

“Why don’t we do the whole thing? Because in a perfect world—what you want to be striving for when you meet someone—we would go on a date first. Maybe even two or three before I kissed you for the first time.” His stomach is acting weird again. “And we would date for a bit, like at least a couple of months, before we had sex.” “I don’t have that much time.” Barty frowns. “What does that mean?” “Just—please?” But Barty’s already decided. “It’s not right like that. I’m not doing it. You have to date me first.” It feels like he’s losing his mind, honestly, deciding to what—fake date this boy? He’s going insane, surely.

when the butterflies turned to dust (chapter 1)

[cukrkandl]

happy international asexuality day from marauders and co. in my all-asexual au 💜

on ao3: An Ace Up Your Sleeve, Ace in the Hole, Hold All the Aces, and Other Fitting Asexual Puns

[cukrkandl]

the all-asexual marauders au nobody asked for: