Whenever Ash gets curious about Lip— which he still does, sometimes— he googles their dead name. Not because he thinks of them by that name, but because he knows that’s the name that their parents would put on their obituary.
lip and ash big writeup post yeehaw. tagging @fortunebuoyed, @incubabe, @nosferatuinblue, @acemenagerie, @brocaderose, and @agentharrisonofshield bc y’all did dare me.
short version: Lip and Ash were best friends, dance partners, essential parts of each others’ journeys to self-discovery, and kindasorta first loves. However, their relationship fell apart for numerous reasons, and now they haven’t seen each other in 6-7 years and Ash blames Lip personally for ruining his life.
Long version (tw: mentions of queerphobia, self harm, familial abuse) -
Lip and Ash met at 13 years old, when Lip started attending the same dance academy as Ash. They were both eggs at the time, with Lip living as a “boy” and Ash as a “girl.” A lot of their classes were co-ed, though, and the two of them became consistent partners pretty much right off the bat for a couple reasons. On the practical side, they were very close in height, and on the social side... it was really the classic two-weird-kids bond of necessity.
Lip was coming into the academy a year later than most, and their social possibilities were further constricted by their limited speaking and the whole imaginary skin condition thing. No one wanted to get to know them. Ash, on the other hand, had been attending the academy for a year... during which time he had already executed a remarkably complete bridge-burning campaign among his classmates. Overly competitive, arrogant, and tempestuous, Ash wasn’t easy to get along with.
But the two of them clicked. Part of it was that their flaws were compatible- Ash’s noise to Lip’s silence, Lip’s uncertainty to Ash’s dead set. But they were good for each other, in their ways. They were both kids, and they were both dealing with their own shit, and they needed each other. Ash stood up for Lip when no one else would, and Lip listened to Ash when no one else their age would. (Ash’s mom is excellent and will probably get a whole other post at some point, but even the best parental relationship in the world doesn’t sub in for peer relationships.)
As they grew (around 14-15?), they also provided safety and support for each other as they began to discover their identities. Literally, a Defining Gender Moment for both of them was just- staying late after rehearsal, dancing the same dance they’d practiced so many times before, each stepping into the role the other had cast off. They picked new names together, did each other’s hair, went out for frozen yogurt at the mall just to get read as boyfriend and girlfriend. Which- haha, funny, right? That they think we’re dating? Hahaha anyways let’s go to Hot Topic-
This whole time, they were doing phenomenal work as dance partners, and were still really each other’s only friend. Meanwhile, as Ash was planning towards his future career as a dancer, Lip was going on a messy trajectory in coping with their trauma and their family. This, really, was when they began to drift apart.
Tension arose in their partnership for a few reasons. One, at age 16 Ash came out with the support of his mother, Lip, and... no one else. Lip, living with their deeply bigoted parents, remained closeted. Though Ash would never outright ask Lip to out themself, he began to feel alienated by being the only out trans kid in school. Previously, the two of them had shared every step of their gender journeys, but now, even with Lip’s support as a “cis ally,” Ash felt alone. For their part, Lip felt Ash’s unspoken pressure to follow him out of the closet as a lack of understanding the specific danger that Lip was in.
Two, it was becoming evident that the two of them didn’t think about dance in quite the same way. For Ash, dance was his plan for the rest of his life. He had regimented five-year plans drawn up: the performing arts college he wanted to attend, the auditions, the residencies, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. On the other hand, it wasn’t as if Lip wasn’t passionate about dance... but due to their own inability to picture themself continuing to exist into the future, they could never put together plans like Ash did. Ash took this as a sign that Lip wasn’t truly serious about dance the way that he was- an impression that was further solidified when other issues in Lip’s life began to interfere with their commitment to rehearsal.
By the time they were 16, Lip had started running away from home for short periods of time. Sometimes they would come to stay with Ash and his mom; sometimes they would head into the city. This was when they began to dabble in serving as a blood donor to other vampires. Which is a topic that needs a whole other post or five to cover, but for now let’s just say that while it superficially provided a way for them to face and harness their fears, it was also... very, very bad for them.
Ash did genuinely care about Lip, but he was also short-sighted, way too convinced that he knew best, and way too young, inexperienced, and alone to be the entirety of Lip’s support network while they were going through everything they were going through. When he saw the self-destructive road his best friend was headed down, he was convinced he could fix them just with the power of Tough Love. Without going into detail, this did not work. Ash became convinced that Lip’s continued spiral was a sign of some moral flaw, and Lip became convinced that Ash was not a safe person to show weakness around.
Despite the erosion of their personal relationship, the two remained dance partners. At age 17, they were working on a duet piece for performance at the academy’s annual showcase. It was a complicated, technically stunning piece, and the pressure was on- they knew for a fact that a scout from Ash’s dream school would be in the audience- but despite everything, it was going well. Even in the pits, it seemed like Lip could pull enough of themself together to make this one thing go right.
Until about a week before the showcase, when Lip ran away from home without any intention of coming back. There’s another whole other post in that, but their personal safety was in immediate and serious danger if they didn’t get out, and the days when they could have sought shelter with Ash were gone.
Ash was left alone with half the duet piece they’d slaved on their entire senior year, and six days until the most important performance of their life to date. Lip wasn’t reappearing, wasn’t answering calls or texts, wasn’t anywhere anyone could find them. Desperate, Ash got Lip’s older sister Phoebe to step in to dance their part- but there was no way she could step in at their level. The piece as performed was mediocre at best; Phoebe barely knew the choreo by showcase day, and Ash’s rhythm was off. Everything Ash had worked so hard on suddenly came to nothing, all because he had put his faith in someone who wasn’t there for him when he needed them most.
At that point, Ash gave up on Lip entirely. Whatever they were doing, wherever they were, Ash vowed not to care anymore. In the years since, he’s made good on that vow. There are times when he still thinks of them- given how much they meant to each other, and for how long, it would be almost impossible not to- but never with any generous sentiment. He’s moving on with his life as best as he can.
Lip misses him, but in a way, they’re glad he’s gone. One less person to disappoint, one less person to be afraid of. Safety is lonely, but then, they think they always knew that.
me four months ago: i’m not going to make up a whole npc just to be the first person who ever lifted Lip, i’m not gonna do it, i’m not—
me now: [has not only made that supporting character but given him supporting characters of his own, is nine paragraphs deep into an ‘overview’ of their relationship and not even done, has to lie on the floor at certain points every time I listen to the playlist I made for them]
one aspect of Lip and Ash’s Whole Thing that I haven’t really talked about yet is, like-
I’ve mentioned briefly that Ash had a pretty unhealthy competitive streak. That, plus the fact that his only friend happened to be the only dancer in the academy who was as good as (or, though he hated to admit it, better than) him, made things... complicated. If it weren’t for the fact that the two of them did partnered dance together, Ash would have been relieved to see Lip starting to self-destruct.
Ash left the town where he and Lip grew up when he was 18. He didn’t get into the performing arts school he had his heart set on, but he just couldn’t stand sticking around feeling like a dead end. He lives out west now, waiting tables part-time and picking up ensemble dance work whenever he can. He has a youtube channel with a small but extant following, but it’s never really taken off the way he wanted it to.
It’s been six, seven years since he’s seen or spoken to Lip, and he still blames them personally for ruining his life.
