diary entry 1
3/16/19..
I was never a child. I never had a life of laughter and childlike wonder. I was given to the red room when I was only three by my mother. I don’t know her name. I don't remember anything about her except that we share the same fiery red hair. The same hair that made me special to the red room.
I have served missions many times, some say I have a particular skill, seduction. I could bat my eyes and the men were putty in my hands. They would love me, kiss me, touch me, and shower me with gifts. With a single smile, I could topple a whole empire. None of it was real. I thought love, real love, would never be for me until I met him.
Seduction wasn’t the only skill set I had. Combat, weaponry. I can take down a man twice my size with a single kick of the leg. I was trained by the winter soldier when I was just eighteen years old. I fell in love with James when I was nineteen.
James was the first man to see Natalia instead of the Blackwidow. He love me for who I was and not what I could do. I loved him in the same exact way. We were the same in every way.
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“Agent Romanoff, you will be trained by the Winter soldier himself. This is the Soviet best assassin. It’s only best our best agent is trained by him.” Mr. Mikhailov.
I stopped training to see a man with ghosts in his eyes staring back at me. He stared straight ahead, never blanking. In control or better yet under control. He was tall with long inky black hair and a metal arm. I slowly walked over running a hand down the arm. He never flinched but stayed facing forward.
“What do they call you?” I asked.
“Призрак but you can call me James,”
“Ghost? You speak Russian,”
“I many different languages, just like you, Natalia Romanoff.” James leaned down with a stern look but a twinkle in his eyes.
He was dangerous but I was more dangerous.
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I stood on one side of the mat, and James was on another. The first day of training is always fun with a new trainer since they always thought I was this weak little girl until I knock them on their asses in the first round.
The bell rang, so I ran doing a handspring into my signature scissor kick. I wrapped my legs around his shoulders looking to take him down with one swift move. James took me by surprise. He grabbed my back holding me upright. I began to hit him but it was no use. The next thing I knew I was laying flat on my back his a huff. James brought his cold metal hand around my neck. He pinned both of my legs on either side with his own.
“Oh doll, nice try.” James’ eyes grew dark. He tightened his grip around my neck causing me to gasp. “Never underestimate your opponent.”
I kicked a leg out twisting out of his grip. I knocked him in the nose causing temporary blindness. Fighting was the first thing they taught me in the red room. Who did he think he was?
“Next don’t underestimate your opponent,”
James smirked jumping up on his feet. Damn, was he cute but most men were right before they were trying to take advantage of you. Not caring how young you were. The only thing that mattered was that you looked of age.
James stepped forward sticking out a hand of truce.
“What’s this, don’t already,”
He shook his head no. There was an air of him that was very strict. I saw the smile. I saw the light chuckle.
“Can I show you one thing that can help in the field?”
“Only if I can show you a thing or two. I’m tired of being trained by men that don’t see my worth. It’s my turn to train you.”
James nodded his head yes. “I agree, you are the Black Widow.”
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After that, we were equal partners. I taught him some of my training and he did the same. Not all training was about combat but languages, seduction, and knowledge. We were a deadly pair before we even kissed.
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Dancing was not a part of my training but for some reason, I always knew how to dance ballet. I would often sneak late at night to perform for an audience that was never there. I never performed a certain dance or moved in any way but how my body wanted to. While I danced I was just a normal girl dancing. I wasn’t a person with red in her ledger that would be forgiven. I never suspected anyone to see me dance nor I wanted anyone to until James did.
“Natalia, is that you?”
I froze on the big wooden stage to find James in a black shirt and pajama pants.
“No, don’t stop. What you were doing was beautiful?”
James walked closer to the stage taking a seat in the first row. I stared at him in disbelief. James smiled at him waiting but there was no pressure. He wasn’t looking for me to perform for him but to show the piece of me I had hidden away.
I slowly moved around the stage allowing my body to take me where it wanted to go. At each turn and spin, I could feel his eyes watching me. At the end of the dance, I fell to my knees, collapsing on myself. Once I lift my head. There he was standing holding out a hand. I took it gliding myself up into his arms. I leaned my head back against my chest feeling the slow rise and fall of his chest.
“Natalia, thank you for sharing your dance with me,” James whispered in my ear. He spun me out of his arms leaving me alone in the room. I stared in awe as he walked away. The light of the moon trailed with him while I stayed in the dark.