#asharcher

[d-burnerphone]

[theweddingofthefoxes]

For the Type of Kisses event: Post Break Up Kiss + Techienician?

The kiss that catches both of you off guard, but says I miss you, I’m sorry and please love me again all at once without any words being spoken.

It wasn’t like Matt had actually said the words, Techie tried to tell himself as he pulled on the lock of the public refresher door again, just to make absolutely sure nobody would open it and expose him there, crying silently, looking like an overgrown child, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve. He’d long ago mastered the art of crying without a sound, but sometimes people yanked on the doors too hard and they pulled open even when they were locked. That was why he’d come here, to one of the least-traveled areas of the ships, where the refreshers were even less frequented. 

 Nobody would find him here. Not even Matt. He could take as much time as he needed to grapple with his fear and shame before heading back up to his room and get things figured out. 

Matt hadn’t said they were broken up. So maybe they weren’t.

Matt had been in some awful mood and Techie had thought he knew how to comfort him, when it was best to ignore it or laugh it off and when it was best to give him reassurance. But he’d misjudged it, it seemed, and when Techie tried to just chatter past the grouchiness, and Matt had snapped.

“Can’t you be quiet for one minute?” Matt had asked, not even looking at him–his eyes were squeezed shut as though every word was deepening an already-nasty headache. “I’m tired of listening to that noise.”

Techie shut up, as astonished as if he’d gotten an electrical shock. Then, quietly, he offered, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing all the time!” Matt snarled, and Techie’s heart wedged itself in his throat so he could hardly get a breath around it. “All you do is apologize. I’m tired of that, too. Can’t you just leave me alone?”

Gnawing on his lip to keep himself from crying, or apologizing again, or doing anything else that would upset Matt, Techie slipped out the door, speed-walking down the corridor with a single goal in mind–find a refresher where he could cry in peace and try and figure out what went wrong, how to fix it.

So here he was. Still feeling anxious and confused, though a little less shaky. He felt better now that he’d cried. It was getting late, and the night cycle guards would be taking up their posts soon. He probably didn’t want to get caught out late with no good excuse, but he dreaded the thought of returning, too. Why had Matt gotten so mad? Would he be angry if he came back now, or ever?

He could sleep at his station, he decided. Then he wouldn’t have to worry about what to tell the night guards, he could just say he had things to finish up. Nobody ever seemed to mind when he worked overtime–they were looking out for people trying to avoid their duties. But nobody at all accosted him as he made his way down the hallway, nobody asked him where he was going or why he was out so late. He poured himself a cup of water and settled into his chair, resigning himself to a sore back in the morning. 

The crying had worn him out, and before he knew it he was snoozing at the desk, a light and troubled sleep, but sleep all the same. He wasn’t sure how long it was before he felt the hand on his shoulder, pushing lightly, just enough to stir him. It hurt to open his eyes but he did, and crouched there beside him was Matt.

Just the sight of him made Techie want to hide. He hadn’t figured out the right thing to say, the right way to apologize without apologizing…

But before he could make any sort of move, Matt had leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, and then on the nose, and then lightly on the lips. Techie wasn’t sure if he should kiss him back until Matt murmured–

“This was my fault. I–I should have gotten upset with the person I was actually upset with. You….didn’t do anything wrong. And you were the only person I went off on.” 

Techie clenched his jaw, feeling the tears rising up again, and Matt went on. “Stars, honey, you were going to sleep here? I’m–fuck. I’m sorry.”

Techie shook his head. “I should have–”

“There is nothing you should have done. Nothing.” Matt kissed him again, almost questioningly. Slowly, Techie touched Matt’s face, tracing the line of his jaw as Matt went on. “This was me. Being an ass. Worse than an ass. And I’m so sorry… I thought I was doing a good job, dealing with the right person when I’m upset. But I need a lot more practice.”

“I–we’re still together, right?”

It seemed almost funny to Techie as soon as he said it, but the color drained from Matt’s face. “Of course we are,” he said. “Unless you–?”

Techie shook his head again. “I want to be.”

“Then we are.”

“Can we go to bed?”

Matt placed one more kiss on Techie’s cheek. “Of course we can.”