#ask ayu

[lilacponds]

Cider; apple; fog; bonfire and pumpkin!

thank you for sending this! ♥

cider - a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?

hmmm, i dont know. grapes, for sure. yogurt still depends, theres some i like and some i dont, but i used to hate it when i was a kid.

amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

(theres no apple so im guessing you mean amber...?)

i dunno, man. kuron deserves better? i dont think sha.ladin ships are all that bad and do actually ship them? i actually think rachel wouldve been a good match for percy? (nico too tbh im a percico shipper whats up i havent even read HoO yet)

fog - how well do you think you’d do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?

bro, i have a low pain tolerance, cant run for shit, arent strong at all, and am clumsy as all hell. id be the first to die. itd be nice to at least die heroically, to sacrifice myself either to save someone else or for the better good. gimme at least that.

bonfire - describe your dream house.

i dont really have a dream house, but if i had to choose, id like something cozy. and filled with cats. id like to have one of those “secret rooms”, but a small one, that can be comfy and cozy. i like small enclosed spaces, what can i do

pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?

i think humans arent inherently anything. you can see it in people as you can see it in kids - they can be angelic or awful or be kind of in the middle, because the world isnt black or white. i think humans are inherently neutral, and it depends on how they develop with time, mostly. they can enjoy being cruel to others for no other reason than to feel superior, but they can also go out of their way to help anyone in need because of their sympathy and empathy. so yeah, i think humans are inherently neutral, and its up to them and whoever is raising them and the environment around them to shape who theyll become, although sometimes awful people can come out of good caretakers and environments, and the opposite is true too.

[lilacponds]

Frost and mapple?

thanks for sending these ♥

frost - if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?

dont give up! i know it feels like its just not gonna get better, and i cant say that your life will be a fairytale by the time youre 20. you still have a lot to experience, things to do, happiness to feel, pride to be had. but youre stronger than you think - theres strength in what you call weakness. and i know its cliché to say, so i wont push that, but just know this: youll feel more happiness than your heart seems to be able to hold, and youll cry tears thatll make you feel real, truly real. youll find people thatll leave, but also people that will make the pain worth it. hold onto any small stupid reason to live another day, because if it makes you feel good and it makes you wanna stay alive even just a minute more, then its not that stupid. therell be a lot of pain, a lot of tears, a lot of negative feelings and a lot of death wishes. but therell also be a lot of grinning stupidly, singing love songs as you twirl around, hopping down sidewalks from how giddy you are. therell be so much happiness you cant contain it inside of yourself, so much love that seems to come out of your very own body like youre some character in a cartoon, therell be so many memories and so many gorgeous sights, and youll be there to feel the sand under your feet, the salt on your lips, the sunset in your eyes. and youll feel more alive than youve ever felt, and youll think, “if everything ive endured has brought me here in this moment, then it was worth it, at least for this hour,” and youll look forward to the next time youll feel like that again.

life has been painful, and life is slow, but therell be moments thatll be worth it all. and hey, im you, so you know me. i may be cheesy as fuck, but you also know that generalised shit doesnt work on me, that all those “it gets better” never had much influence, those “its worth it” were always countered with “but not for me”.

if i say all this shit, its because i know its true for me specifically. which means, its true for you specifically.

i know its hard to trust such positive and hopeful words from others. trust yourself instead.

maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

i think theres a lot id like to try out at least once in my life, but dont have the chance to. archery, ballet, calligraphy, hiking, knitting... the list is too long. as long as it doesnt involve something that scares or bores me, then i definitely want to try it out!

[lilacponds]

clown sexy

w... whatwhat... are you trying to communicate here exactlyare you okay

[lilacponds]

Arawn, Crenunnos, Bragi, Honir, Ares, Hekate!!!

aaaaaaa thanks for sending me some!!!! ♥♥♥

Arawn: What is the most terrifying thing you've ever done?

hmmmmmmmmmmm. i havent gotten to experience much stuff so thats hard to say. probably just going on... idk how theyre called in english, but like, beach rocks?? yknow those bigass rocks that u can find like next to the beach, along the pier n stuff? ive been the other day w a friend and it was a lot of fun, and it wasnt super dangerous or absolutely terrifying per se but i dont have a lot of balance, nor am i athletic in the slightest, and im afraid of high places, which count not-so-high places if im standing up, really. so getting to find how to get to the rock we sat on and then back to the pier was, well, short since we just had to cross like two or three rocks, but still scary for me. (it was worth it because it was a lot of fun and i had lovely company, though.)

Cernunnos: What is your favorite animal?

cats!!! no doubts!!!! i love cats so much

Bragi: What kind of music do you listen to?

hmmm, a bit of anything, actually!! i guess pop is what ive listened to most? i like synth pop a lot too. idk, i just listen to whatever i like at the moment, so i can move from owl city to twenty one pilots to ajr... its a mix, really. theres not many kinds that i dont listen to. the only exceptions i can think of is hard rock, metal, screamo, and similar types, just because theyre too intense for me. anything else is fair game.

Hœnir: Are you a silent or talkative person?

oh man, it depends! if im not comfortable, or im nervous/anxious, or just dont know what to talk about, i can be pretty silent. but get me on a topic i love or am even just slightly passionate about, and if im comfortable with you i never shut up!! (okay, theres time where i still dont start talking a lot because im feeling too many things to put them into words, but thats a different thing)

Ares: Are you an easy person to anger?

it depends. i dont get angry for stupid stuff, so id say no, but be an asshole to my friends and/or disrespect them or other people that dont deserve being disrespected and i am going to be downright furious.

also im often angry with my family but thats a different case. ive been dealing with them and their bullshit and theyre the reason im mentally ill in the first place for my whole life so id say thats warranted.

Hekate: Have you ever tried to communicate with the dead?

bro, no. like... anyone try to get a ouija board in my house? they get the fuck thrown out with that board. i believe in the supernatural and i believe that fucking around with a ouija board can open free passage to whatever and thats never a good thing. i aint gonna be the first to die in a supernatural horror movie, not like that, thanks.

[lilacponds]

Patron Saint of Eevee

aaaaaaaAAAAAAAA???

im so honoured thank you???????

[lilacponds]

1 28 79 81 99

thanks for sending some, nerd!! ♥

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

1. Dreaming Alone - Against the Current; I somehow always come back to this!

2. Weak - AJR; that’s more of a lately thing, but still!

3. I’m Ready - AJR; still a lately thing, but I love it!!

4. Youth - Daughter; I’ve been loving this a lot

5. Believer - Imagine Dragons; I get so into it when I listen to it whoops

6. Lucky One - Simple Plan

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

I actually don’t know? Anxiety has kept me from many things so I kept I just stopped remembering them, it’d just make my mood worse at all times. I’ve started saying yes to more things, though! Honestly, I have to thank @ellieofmidnight because it all started by being comfortable enough with her to say yes to... I guess a small thing? (Hey, remember when you wrote live with a bunch of people, and I stopped watching Jimmy’s livestream to join in? Yeah, that might seem super small, but I was so anxious about the other people being there, so even if I didn’t talk or anything I was so nervous. But I really wanted to see you write! And I felt comfortable around you and wanted to do stuff with you. It may seem like a small thing but honestly that just launched my whole “saying yes to things even if I’m anxious” because they can result in beautiful things.)

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Does “saying yes to more things” count? Because honestly that just... literally changed my life in the best.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“She mattered.” I could rest in peace with that.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

“Just... just do more good things, man. Stop wasting time being assholes.”

[lilacponds]

Cosmos, shooting star, eclipse, spacedust, luna, blackhole, galazy, milky way!!

thanks for sending some and sorry for the lateness omg ahhh!! ♥

cosmos: what are you like when you’re angry at someone?

okay so it takes serious shit to get me pissed off to the point of anger, right? like someone can piss me off and ill start being annoyed and petty but not right out angry unless serious shit. and my family doesnt think so because im constantly angry with them but lmao they dont realise there might be a reason for that.

so, my parents - especially my dad - have a pretty loud voice, and unfortunately i got that from them even if i hate people yelling. i hate yelling myself too even when angry actually, but if people dont let me talk or ignore me or disregard what im saying i can get to the point of yelling because i cant find any other way to get my voice and message heard!! its frustrating!! but again, that happens when talking normally doesnt work for whichever reason, esp when others are yelling too, so in a normal argument i wouldnt start yelling right from the start

this... is actually hard to describe because ive only really been angry at my parents directly (ive been angry at friends family for being awful but didnt directly argue with them for various reasons) and more often than not i end up just leaving and trying to get less angry by listening to music and ignoring any fuck that comes to bother me, because they dont listen to me at all, they just keep on yelling

like... legit i cant think when was the last time i was actually angry at a friend (or someone that wasnt my family or friends family i guess??) like... i just... dont. get angry at people unless for serious shit. so i dont know how id be when angry at someone that doesnt act like my parents??

shooting star: what are you like when you're sad?

i close up, usually. i get in my bed, under the covers - even in summer, its comforting - and plug in my headphones to my phone. i find the song that fits more with how im feeling and just lay there. sometimes i end up falling asleep.

when i feel too depressed, which is different than sad but ill mention that too, theres more anger towards myself as well, so i do other stuff to do but also i ask a dear friend of mine to hang out sometimes too, and hope theyre free and want to hang out. being around them always helps a lot, and that counts for when im sad too.

eclipse: what are you like when you're happy?

o shit bro!! i light up like a goddamn firework!! im all smiley and giggly and sometimes dance or hop on the spot, i cant stay still! im at least somehow swaying, and giggling, and sometimes im listening to happy songs as well and singing along, if im walking somewhere and i need to get down the sidewalk i hop down sometimes as well, im just all bouncy and smiling!!! i love being happy man

space dust: are you happy?

atm? no

with my life? no

luna: favorite names?

oo theres a lot?? i like alex and max a lot, then theres jake, juniper, travis, nico, rachel... theres a lot of names i like!

black hole: do you have any diagnoses?

i have depression and social anxiety for mental illnesses, and psoriasis for other illnesses. i think thats about it? for now, at least?

galaxy: are you a sun, moon or star person?

moon and stars!!! i love them all. although if i really had to choose, i think id go for moon. i especially love the full moon!

milky way: do you prefer math or humanities?

already replied, math!

[lilacponds]

Constellation, Milky Way, pulsar, Cassiopeia, meteor?

ahhh thanks for sending some stuff (and sorry for the lateness)!! ♥

constellation: have you ever read a book that is worse than the movie?

i dont think so?? not that i can remember anyway

milky way: do you prefer math or humanities?

math! although ive forgotten everything ive ever learnt now, but still, ive always liked it better.

pulsar: what kind of person do you want to be?

someone that isnt a mess? honestly, the only thing i want out of myself is to just... find a dream, i guess. find something that fuels me, something that i can put myself into. and to always, always, always be kind and respecting and help people that need help as much as possible. thatd be nice. i want to be someone that can help others.

cassiopeia: what do you like most about yourself?

personality or appearance? i guess ill go with one both?

appearance, my hair! i just love hair in general, tbh. i love finding new things to do with it!

personality, umm, im a good listener?? i feel awkward and awful about not being able to comfort my friends, but at least i can always listen, and i know that can help a lot too, so im glad

meteor: do you have a favorite historical figure?

i dont think so, i have too short a memory to really remember particular historical figures well enough to have a favourite