#ask big jack

[proxylynn]

Big Jack Horner & Little Lynn. What are your body counts?

Big Jack Horner: I dunno. I never took count. Maybe...20 or 30?

Little Lynn: At least around 80. Tops.

*another whispers what "body count" can also mean*

Little Lynn: What do you mean it's not about killing?

Big Jack Horner: Well what is it then?

Little Lynn: *whispers it to him*

Big Jack Horner: Oh. Oh! Ew. Gross. Who does that and needs to count? *points to her*

Little Lynn: Agreed. That kind of behavior is how my mom did things. Miserable witch. *points to him*

[They are each other's first and only]

[proxylynn]

Big Jack Horner is stunned on how incredibly beautiful Little Lynn is when she’s wearing other than her work uniform.

Big Jack Horner: I've seen her in other clothing. Hell, I've seen her without it too. It's not the outfit that draws attention. It's her. How she carries herself. The grace that shows she can cut a rug as well as throats. It's like watching music given form. There's just this...*catches himself* Why are you wasting my time with such asinine questions? Stop bugging me!

[proxylynn]

Jack Horner sat on a corner eating a Christmas pie

Stick in his thumb and pulled out a plum

While he watches us suffer and die

Big Jack Horner: That's just my weekend entertainment.

[proxylynn]

What if Big Jack Horner and Little Lynn randomly encounter a wild Donkey and he just won’t stop yapping?

Big Jack Horner: Lynn...get rid of it.

Little Lynn: Gonna make a decent bag from that hide.

[proxylynn]

You know what.. *turns your strong and stoic and serious fictional crush (Big Jack Horner) into a crying, traumatized, whimpering, curled up mess in the floor*

Little Lynn: Like you have that power.

Big Jack Horner: Y-Yeah! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to be alone for a while.

Little Lynn: Master Jack?

*he wanders off to his room faintly sniffling*

Little Lynn: *glaring at you* You undo your hex. NOW.

[proxylynn]

How would Jack Horner react to being stuck in a lift with Little Lynn?

Big Jack Horner: How long are we stuck for?

Little Lynn: I'm not bad company, am I?

Big Jack Horner: No. I just need to make sure I have enough time.

Little Lynn: Oh. ...Enough time to do what?

Big Jack Horner: *smirks*

Little Lynn: Enough time to do what?!

[proxylynn]

Can Jack Horner do a back flip?

Big Jack Horner: Sure I can.

Little Lynn: Jack, no.

Big Jack Horner: You doubt me?

Little Lynn: Doubt you? No. ...I have no doubt about gravity.

Big Jack Horner: Oh, you cheeky bitch. I'll show you! *sprints*

Little Lynn: Jack!!

*he leaps, flips over, and shakily lands but drops on his knees*

Little Lynn: Holy shit...Jack, are you okay?

Big Jack Horner: *biting his tongue as his eyes water* I think I shattered my ankles...

Little Lynn: *sighs*

Big Jack Horner: Don't just stand there like a disappointed mother! Take me home!

*she reluctantly scoops him up and carries him bridal style, her back straining as she carries him*

Little Lynn: Next time, limber up and don't flip in heels.

Big Jack Horner: Shut up! *pouts* ...Did I look cool?

Little Lynn: You did. You surprised me. Good form, Jack.

Big Jack Horner: *ego and pride restored*

(Because I still can't answer in comments...Yes. Yes to this. This is canon in my heart.)

[proxylynn]

Jack, what was your first sexual experience, and at what age did you lose your virginity?

Big Jack Horner: ...You have a death wish to ask me such a question.

Little Lynn: *coughs* Chapter 5 *coughs*