#ask flawseer

[flawseer]

April Fools Ask Flawseer #5

Not currently accepting more in-character asks (ooc asks still fine).

Let's do another one of these, before the month is officially over.

Asked by @sunbitternb

BLAZE: "Oh, I couldn’t possibly choose! There are so many gemstones in so many colors out there and I want ALL of them! Fiery rubies! Cool sapphires! Rich onyxes! Jades, topazes, and agates!! Moonstones and peridots and jaspers and ambers!! Eeeeee!!!"

BLISTER: "Amber is NOT a gemstone you shambling brain vacancy!" BLAZE: "Uhm, I think I know a little more about treasure than you do, vulture butt!" BLISTER: "It’s NOT a gemstone! Amber is fossilized tree sap! TREE SAP!!" BLAZE: "Silly Blisterface. Trees don’t make stones, they make fruits. Even I know that!" BLISTER: "UGHhhhhHHHJFBWBCWUWbdfwbW" (sound of things hitting walls)

BLAZE: "And she’s supposed to be the smart one in the family. Can you believe that? Ha ha ha."

Asked by @angaram

BLAZE: “Ha ha. Very funny. I know you think I’m a dummy who doesn’t know how mirrors work, you silly little thingy, but I know ALL about them! It's not the mirror that makes you fat, it's the girl inside it. Everyone knows that mirrors are windows to a special room where a ghost lives. The ghost makes itself look like you, but also gets jealous when you’re too pretty and makes up weird flaws about you, like making your tail look wide or giving you weird markings around your eyes. Mama told me all about it back when she was still alive. She also said the ghost would eat me if I looked at gold too much, and that’s why I should stop asking her to unlock the treasure chamber. Silly mama, how can the ghost get me if there is glass in the way? Still, one day I stared at her through the big mirror in my room, and I pulled out a smaller claw mirror and smashed it over the table between us. I think that jealous ugly camel got the message.”

Asked by @sunbitternb

GLACIER: "Let me be clear and firm. I do not have a lot of free time to be thinking about birds. There is always some matter or another requiring my attention. ... But then sometimes, after retiring to my chambers for the evening, I watch the snow petrels fly by the window. It helps me wind down before I sleep. Ah, and ice cream. Yes, I admit I allow myself to indulge from time to time. I would say my favorite flavor is... Hm... ... ... Yes. That rich and tangy taste."

GLACIER: "Tiger shark blood. Let freshly from the innards, dripped onto a bed of virgin snow."

BLAZE: "NO!! Th-that's a joke! She meant blueberry!!" GLACIER: "Blueberry?? That's wretched."

~~~~~~~~

I still have more of these. Many, many, many more of these. I'll probably continue going through them in the following months. Everyone knows the best april fools jokes are the ones that run on into September, right?.

What have I done??

[flawseer]

April Fools Ask Flawseer #2

Not currently accepting more in-character asks (ooc asks still fine though).

Turtle

by @tizzyhead

TURTLE: “I still think about Umber a lot. He was my first friend here, and he kind of saved me? Well, that’s maybe a little dramatic, but I couldn’t get a wink of sleep the first night I spent here. It was his idea to put our mats together so we could sleep back to back. I sometimes shudder when I think about what could have been if I had had a different clawmate. Like, if I had gotten Winter or something. I might have died from lack of sleep by now. Nothing against Winter, he just doesn't strike me as the cuddly type.

As for plans we had... Well, we went swimming together sometimes between classes, usually by ourselves. The idea was floated to bring in our respective families for it—like, his three siblings were going to be there and I would bring Tsunami and Anemone (and Pike would tag along uninvited)—but it never shook out that way. His sister didn’t really like me I think... bad memories with the war and I guess Mudwings and Seawings were enemies... He mentioned that Mudwings actually bathe a lot, but they do it in mud. I thought that was weird, but I wanted to try it. So he said he was going to take me to the Diamond Spray Delta during break and dunk me in some sludge puddle. I was... kind of looking forward to that, actually.” Turtle sighs wistfully. “I wonder what he is doing right now? I'm guessing he doesn't think about me anymore.”

by @digi-lord

TURTLE: “Uhh... Golly... I’m hoping I still have a few more years ahead of me before I’ll have to start thinking about having kids. I don’t even know if Kinkajou wants to stay... with uh... ... Also... Would I make a good father? That’s really what I’d be thinking about. I’ve never really had parents, so I wouldn’t know what to do. I would like to read a few more scrolls on the subject before even seriously considering the possibility. Or maybe they could have an optional class about it here at the academy? How to take care of dragonets without scarring them for life? I don’t know, that might be weird. Who would they even get to teach that class? Maybe Hope?”

by @mooglythegreatandgoogly

TURTLE: “Yeah, of course! That was one of the first things I did. Well, okay, I had to work up the courage first. I wasn’t sure if ‘indestructible scales’ really translated to ‘fireproof’; magic is fickle so you have to be careful with assuming things like that. So uh, I practiced. I started with a candle and slowly worked my way up to the pottery furnace in the arts-and-crafts cave. Sunny gave me a weird look when she caught me affectionately wrapped around that furnace and I have to see the counselor now, but at least it proved my hypothesis. So when I finally went and hugged her for the first time, Peril startled. But I think she liked it. I’m pretty sure she was crying.” PERIL: “I was NOT crying!” TURTLE: “You were SO crying! I heard your tears evaporate on your scales!” PERIL: “NO! My face just makes that sizzling noise sometimes. If there was any crying involved, it was probably because you had that stinky tuna breath again! Ugh!!” TURTLE: “Oh really? And I suppose my tuna breath was also why you were yelling ‘TURTLEEEE’ over and over and kept squeezing me for several minutes?” PERIL: “That was just because... you always look like this sopping puddle and... I thought I should like... hold you so you don’t, I don’t know... flow apart or something. ... Shut up!”

[flawseer]

April Fools Ask Flawseer #3

Not currently accepting more in-character asks (ooc asks still fine though).

Pineapple

by @trippinbawls

PINEAPPLE: “Ehehe... That was really embarrassing, actually. It was a while after I had fallen out of my hammock and landed on my wing awkwardly. I couldn’t fly for some time after and got really bored. I also remember Liana teasing me about my lopsided wing and how I was going to forget how to fly, which was less boring but also not very nice. The wing soon healed up all nice again, but I guess what Liana said stuck with me, because heights were suddenly all scary to me. So I thought, hey, maybe I should ask one of the tree gliders to give me a little refresher, just in case? That’s how I got talking with Jambu. Jambu was very gentle and patient with me, and he really knows his stuff when it comes to tree gliding. He is also very pretty and I remember soaring into a branch once or twice because I kept getting distracted when I looked at him. Oops, hehe.

I don’t know how it happened exactly, maybe I couldn’t ride the wind current well enough with my weakened wing muscles and took an odd turn, but I somehow got myself tangled up in a large creeping vine in the royal garden. This was a problem because you can’t cut down plants in there without a good reason or the gardeners will get real scary mad at you. I suggested that Jambu should wake a gardener or get a healer to help out, but I guess he wanted to impress me and tried to untie me from the vine himself. Long story short, he also got tangled up in it and we were stuck together. So with nothing else to do we just kind of... talked for the entire time. About ourselves, about what kind of fruit we like, and about how Liana can be a real tail face sometimes. I accidentally admitted that I thought his pink color was really pretty, and that made him even more pink and prettier. It was a really sweet time, even though it took them two days to find and free us.”

Arctic

by @americanman18

PRINCE ARCTIC: “You think Animus magic has restrictions?” Arctic barks a brusk, mirthless laugh. “Animus is a savage beast that stalks you wherever you go. It leaves no trail, has no face for you to recognize it by, and no form you can make bleed. It never tires. It just hunts, day after day, year after year, preying on your good intentions and desires until it slays you with your own claws. No, there are no 'restrictions'. The malice of magic is bottomless and infinitely vast. What you call a ‘restriction’ is likely merely a whim of one Animus user in history who placed it there. Maybe they were trying to tame the beast, or it was a foolhardy prank. But magic never stays still. Another short-sighted malcontent will find some way to unchain it again, and then it will devour the world and every creature within it. This is why magic should have never left the talons of Icewings. We instinctively understand the danger this power poses when allowed to run rampant unchecked. The other tribes are too young and immature to know that danger. They treat it like a toy, or worse yet, a crown. There will come a day when those who think they command Animus magic are made to surrender the privilege of that delusion, once their folly unravels everything. I pray I won’t be alive to see that day.”

Flawseer (that's me)

by @captain-crowfish

FLAWSEER: “So, uh. It says ‘Fatespeaker’, but are you asking me that?” FATESPEAKER: “Huh. I don’t remember this. I must have asked this question during an out-of-body experience!” FLAWSEER: “Does that happen to you often?” FATESPEAKER: “Oh yes! It happens all the time, usually after I eat a lot of chili. This one time I had a vision where I was a Skywing archivist trapped in my office, and the walls were made of honey. I tried to eat it all to save my documents, but more just kept coming!! I got such an earful from my boss later when all my notes ended up stuck together. Ugh!” FLAWSEER: “Okay? Hope they didn’t cut your salary for that. Anyway, to answer ‘your’ question, I don’t really ‘see flaws’, same as Starflight isn’t a ball of hot gas soaring through the air.” TSUNAMI (from outside the room): “That’s debatable~!” FLAWSEER: “I don’t have any Nightwing seeing powers, as far as I’m aware. There were no moons for me since my Sandwing blood made me hatch during the day. I didn’t even get the tail venom as a consolation prize. All I’ve got is the old Nightwing sniffer. That’s it. I have the name ‘Flawseer’ because my mother, Faultless, thought it would be appropriate. I didn’t know her for long and she kept many secrets from me, but I knew she had been exiled from the Nightwing tribe and that it was a source of great shame for her. So whenever I looked at her, she called me her ‘flaw-seer’, implying she was a blemish and no longer worthy of her own name. It’s really a rather depressing name, all things considered. But seeing how Nightwings usually name their dragonets, I suppose I drew a better lot than being called ‘Bloodspurt’, or ‘Grayface’, or ‘Bigbutt’, or something as such.”

[flawseer]

April Fools Ask Flawseer #4

Not currently accepting more in-character asks (ooc asks still fine).

Clay

by @summertimestargazing

CLAY: “Oh! A feast? That would be a terrific idea! But, y’know, half the fun of going to a new place is finding all the exciting new things there are to eat. So wouldn’t it be better to use what’s there already? I think if I went to the Sand Kingdom for example and was eager to sink my teeth into a juicy camel (are camels juicy?), I would be a bit let down if they made me eat the same stuff I can get at home. Okay, maybe not ‘let down’, I’d still eat it. But there’s a bit of a waste of opportunity there, huh? But uh, suppose there’s gonna be some picky eaters there, like Glory or Starflight... Then it might be important to have something that’s ‘safe’.

For me, my comfort meal is cow, can’t ever go wrong with cow! So I’d try to find the closest thing to a cow in each region. Dromedary for Sandwings, manatee for Seawings... Skywings, uh, mountain goat? Yak for Icewings... Rainwings make this more difficult. I don’t know which fruit is the most cow-like. Maybe some kind of big melon or gourd. No wait, there’s a thing called a ‘milk fruit’! I read about it! That’s kind of cow-themed, yeah? I think it’s sometimes called “star apple” too, so it would also work for the Nightwings, being night-themed and all that. Wow, I didn’t think I would figure this out so easily, ha ha! Now how quickly can we do this?”

Flawseer (that's me)

by @chickenclip

FLAWSEER: “I consider myself rather omnivorous, so I can work with either of those options. I’ll eat anything as long as it is fresh. For instance, I don’t understand what insanity Battlewinner was putting her subjects through or what that bathbound cretin was trying to accomplish. But if I had to pin down a personal preference, prepared is the way to go. You can’t beat a decent roast on a bed of fluffy rice. If you want to know more about food, you should come over! I make a rather mean river fish stew.” FLAME: “’Mean’, yeah, you can say that again! Don’t come over, he puts blasted peas in it! It’s mental!” FLAWSEER: “Peas are good for you, Flame. Their taste is fairly neutral and there’s some good minerals in there.” FLAME: “Bleagh!! They’re little bombs of mush that ruin everything! Like tiny, globby, clumpy explosions all over my mouth! If I wanted minerals, I’d rather lick rocks for two hours! Little green wastes of plant matter, why’s everything small and green so annoying!?” Flawseer laughs. FLAME: “What?” FLAWSEER: “Nothing, just, your mother said something very much like that to me a few years ago. The pea vendetta must run in the family. All right, all right, I’ll leave the peas out next time. But we’ll have to find something else to replace them with. How do you feel about string beans?” FLAME: “I’m leaving!!”

Toad?

by @xdugatheskelex

FATESPEAKER: “I’m really sorry! I’ve looked everywhere but I can’t find any dragon by that name. Sadly, that means we will have to move on to—“

NEWT: “I’ll take it from here!” FATESPEAKER: “Wha— Newt?” NEWT: “Yes, this is a food question so I’m taking over! You can go, shoo, git! Go suck on a bug, nightcrawler.”

“BOY! Where do I even START!?! Everyone needs to eat to survive, allegedly, that’s what they tell us. You wouldn’t guess that from the kinds of atrocities some dragons put into their mouths! Like, how about Icewings, the WORST of the bunch by far! They don’t do ANYTHING; no cooking, no seasoning, no sides... Just meat! Raw meat, raw, raw, raw, meat, meat, meat, all the time, every time! You go to some creature that calls itself an “Icewing Gourmet” and they serve you the same uncooked meat slop you get in every other joint! And then they look at how thoroughly unimpressed you are and say “The artistry is in the presentation. Look how finely sliced the walrus liver is, it’s like paper thin.” Why don’t you go munch on some scrolls then if you want to eat paper that much?? Unbelievable!!

And then, and THEN the worst part is the other dragons who go apologizing on their behalf! Like, just last week in cultural exchange class, they try to tell me “nweehh, it’s because Icewings have delicate palates, they taste everything much more intensely than we do.” And that’s why everything has to be bland over there? Well, Sunshine, zero times a hundred is still zero! Bland is bland no matter how strong you taste it! I hear the mewling of the Icewing I bunk with. “Ooo, my sensitive tummy, don’t put the bell pepper in there it’s too spicy.” Since when on this moonforsaken earth is bell pepper spicy, you blue ninny!? I swear you wouldn’t believe how hard our people struggled against these jokers in the war! Me? I would have put one well-seasoned steak in the middle of the battlefield and all those lily-livered snowbacks would’ve immediately wet their tails and flown back to their icicle hole!

And then there’s Skywings! Moons alive, I’ve had to hold my tongue so much since we were allied with them. They’re better than Icewings, but not by much. Everything is overdone, charred black!! You watch them slow-roast a pheasant to perfection, juices dripping, skin crisp and golden, gorgeous... I weep. And then they go “nope!” and toss the whole thing back in the furnace at full blast! GAAHH!! You wanna eat char, why don’t you just shove a talonful of coal in your red gob and spare the rest of us the heartache!? Sandwings, they make more sense. Everything is seasoned at least, a bit strongly some times but you can still eat it. They really like to put things on sticks, lizard on sticks, veggies on sticks, roast cactus on sticks. Where do they get the sticks? You’d think the reason they build their houses out of sand is because they used all the blasted wood for their sticks! Of course don’t offer them a good, hearty Mudwing stew. It freaks them out. They’re like “Oh no, I have to watch my fluid intake, this will make me sick.” UGH!! What kind of evolutionary dead end creature is allergic to WATER!??

Nightwings, I’m not even going to dignify their crimes against taste with a response. Rainwings, I don’t have much of an opinion on. They’ve got good ingredients, but everything they make is too sweet. It’s just fruit all the time. You can tell when you go to a food place where there’s a Rainwing in the kitchen because the whole menu will be stuffed with apples. Roast goat with apples. Spicy risotto with apples and apples. Grilled apple, with apple slice garnish, filled with paste of apple. It’s the apple-ocalypse! And Seawings, they’re all about that raw fish nonsense! Try making a nice fishy stew with some potatoes and carrots, and they’ll blink at you all uppity and call you a double-ended spoon or something.

No, what I’ve learned from interacting with all these guys in here at this school place is this; The world, every tribe’s territory, is full of beautiful, scrumptuous ingredients... and half-wits who RUIN them! We should all just agree that Mudwings had it right, that we’ve written the scroll on what good and decent taste is. I don’t think we should rule the world, but we do need to liberate its food and tell the other tribes what to eat! If just to protect them from their own impulses! Like, just the other day one of them new guys, what, Silkywings? I saw them try make Colonel Buttonbush’s famous gourd layer stew. Probably read about it in some scroll and went “ooo this looks fun, I’m gonna make this really historically treasured Mudwing dish, and I’m not gonna read up on any of its cultural significance.” And then she went and put blasted sumac berries in it!

SUMAC BERRIES! That’s a Sandwing thing! Mudwings didn’t have access to sumac berries until the 4300s! Colonel Buttonbush made that stew for his troops in preparation for battle in the Saffron War, a war our people fought AGAINST the Sand Kingdom!! I swear I almost leapt across the table and dunked her head in the spice bowl! There need to be laws against this kind of assault on my— Hey, no!”

“No, put me down! I’m not done! NOT DONE!!! This isn’t over, arrghh!!!”

_____

One of these days Newt is going to have an extended speaking role in the canon story and he'll be the most mild-mannered, agreeable, polite Mudwing ever. Then I'll look like a colossal idiot.

[flawseer]

April Fools Ask Flawseer #1

Not currently accepting more in-character asks (ooc asks are still fine though).

Moonwatcher

by @daydreamingjackalope

MOONWATCHER: “I’m not sure this counts as ‘music’ as such but... I enjoy the quiet pitter-patter of raindrops hitting big leaves. It reminds me of the leafy canopy above the tree hollow I slept in when I was little.

No? That is just a nature noise? Okay... err... Fatespeaker has that wooden chime in her office that plays a little formless melody when you brush against it or it gets jostled by an errant draft. What did she call it, a ‘thought-catcher’? When I asked her about it she said it ‘protects her from negative vibes and thought snatchers’. It absolutely does NOT do the latter, but at least it sounds nice. That’s still just noise and doesn’t count? Well, err... I guess I’m just not much of a conscious music listener? I tend to get distracted by the thoughts of all the dragons playing the music when I try to focus on it too much, which lessens the appeal for me somewhat. If they could conceive of a way to listen to the music without anyone playing it, maybe I could give you a better answer?”

MOONWATCHER: "Also, I'm getting some interference, but I THINK this 'mod' person seems grateful for your compliment. Well, either that, or they are agitated because they forgot to turn off the 'Sand Witch Maker', whatever that is.

Peril

by @merittime

PERIL: “MOOSE!!!” ... “Or wait, do you mean to eat? I don’t know, a lot of meats kinda taste the same to me. I like to eat many small things because they cook more evenly when I catch them. Most of what we got up on the mountains were birds, but recently I’ve been trying frogs and lizards and those are nice because they don’t leave any burnt hair or feathers stuck between your teeth.”

by @garden-guardian-things

PERIL: “Nope. I’m pretty much indestructible. Staff Light says it’s because my firescales burn up all the germs that try to land on me and crawl into my nose. I’m pretty much the flu’s worst nightmare. Like, the other week Clay was hacking and coughing, and I said to him 'I can help! You won’t be sick anymore if you just kissed me.' But he smiled and said 'Well, I also wouldn’t have a tongue anymore.' It was hard to argue against, but also kind of meh. I used to get a lot of tummy aches when I was little, but I’m learning with increasing frequency that none of those were probably natural. It freaks me out just how often Scarlet was trying to poison me, mildly and un-mildly. The more I’m learning about it, the more anxious I get when I see other dragons touching my food. And then, I don’t know if this counts as being diseased, but I felt nauseous for a while after Turtle made me swallow that weird mushy fish sludge. Ugh. He’s always got some new thing too, like yesterday he looks at me with his dumb sparkly green eyes and says ‘Peril! Peril! You’ve GOT to try this pickled sea slug’ and I look at it and go ‘Turtle, this looks like it’s already been inside someone and then came out again.’ But he gets so sad when I don’t eat his weird crap. It’s like his favorite thing, to see me squirm and struggle (just kidding, I never flinch). So I just close my eyes and throw it in, and then hope it will stay in there. Great, now I really do feel sick! I hope you’re happy!”

by @dizzards

PERIL: “Pshhh! Scarlet? Scarlet doesn’t scare me. She’s dead. I saw her hit the ground like ‘SPLAT’! Serves her right after what she did to Osprey! You think I’m gonna be scared of some rat-eaten corpse? Fat chance! And Darkstalker? I still don’t get what the big deal was with him or why we needed to get rid of him. He seemed like a nice guy. Like, they SAY he tried to kill all the Icewings, but has that even been proven? I have yet to see a shred of evidence. And evidence is key when you’re having a fair trial. Osprey taught me that. But for some reason everyone looks at me funny when I say this, and Turtle is like ‘I’m sorry Peril, we’ll find a way to lift the curse some day.’ What curse? I feel fine! Anyhows, I’m actually the scariest thing in the whole world, so there’s nothing in it that can frighten me. I’m sorry if my absolute dominion over all things scary makes you insecure, but you’re going to have to live with it. Phhhbht.”

CLAY: “Hey Peril, are you free right now? It’s time for your weekly ear-cleaning!” PERIL: “NO!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!! KEEP THAT FREAKY LITTLE SWAB THINGY AWAY FROM ME OR I’LL BURN IT!! I’LL BURN THE WHOLE PLACE DOWN!!

PERIL: NO NO NO AAAAHH!! I AM FIRE! I AM DEATH! I COMMAND THE FLAMES OF WAR!! HELP!! HELLLLPPP!!!”

[flawseer]

It seems like April 1st is right around the corner and that means I am obligated to do something *+ whimsical *+ for the occasion. Let's do that now.

ASK FLAWSEER

Remember ask blogs? Those thingies where you could send in a question and a character would answer them? They used to be fairly popular on this site. Maybe they even still are? I wouldn't know, because I live under a rock. I get all of my news from reading tea leaves.

Anyway. From now until 72 hours from now, you can send me questions using the following format:

[Any character from WoF]: [Your question]

For example:

Squid: What is your opinion on apples?

I will collect these questions until the deadline and then attempt to answer them as if you had asked that character. My legal advisors inform me that this could potentially qualify as "fun".

This is just for pure entertainment, so don't take this too seriously. I will make an attempt to not be too obnoxious about my own headcanons and such.

Some ground rules before the hilarity gets out of hand:

This is a fan blog. I have nothing to do with WoF in any official capacity, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. Nothing I say is canon, unless you decide it is for yourself.

I'm most familiar with books 1 to 10, the original four winglets, and Legends: Darkstalker. You CAN ask stuff outside of that range, but my answers may become less accurate (though maybe that's what you're aiming for).

I may only get 3 or so questions, but in the event that I get a lot of them, I may have to skip some. If that happens to yours, please don't take it personally. I love your contributions.

I may skip questions that require a lot of knowledge of media outside the WoF series, if I am not familiar with that media.

Please don't ask anything that is overly political, inflammatory, hateful, or potentially upsetting. This is supposed to be light-hearted. It's April Fools.

This blog is SFW, so please keep your asks within that frame.

If this gets too out of hand due to disruptive behavior, or I become incapacitated somehow, I may have to cancel this prematurely. I'll try not to, but I'm keeping the option open.

Thank you for your interest, and I hope this will amuse you.

[flawseer]

Thank you to everyone who sent in questions for my little April Fools experiment I announced three days ago. The deadline for sending in-character questions has thus reached its end.

Now, the April Fools part of this is that I've collected all these questions and I'm just gonna sit on them and do nothing. Ha ha ha, haha, ha (...) ha ha (etc.).

... ... ...

No. Could you imagine how lame and disappointing that would be? I'm obviously going to answer them. There's been quite a lot so I don't know how many I will actually get through. I may have to drop some of them.

But beginning tomorrow, I will start going through them. They will be posted under the tag #ask flawseer. I'll likely compound multiple questions into the same post to prevent spam, so if you have pings turned off, check back periodically to see if your question has been featured.

That is all. Thank you for sending in stuff.