//I think one thing I absolutely hate about myself is that I can never admit that I’m upset or sad when I feel that way in order to not make people I care about worry about me. Personally I don't really think anyone cares about me except maybe two people. Since I’ve moved, almost every single “friend” I had stopped talking to me; I don't know what the absolute fuck I did wrong. I’ll admit, I did stop talking to some people so I am at fault at being bad at keeping in touch as well. It’s just that lately I’ve noticed my old depression symptoms are coming back, and I am too nervous to tell the one person I care about the most that. I mean I’m always happy around them, don’t get me wrong but some shit started to happen with someone that was once my best friend who just doesn't talk anymore. It’s affecting my head and shit, and I fucking hate it. I tried to ask them what I did wrong and did other things as well; one thing in particular I wasn't for but I was just so upset one night to the point where I thought “what the hell? why the fuck not?”. All this anxiety and depression starting up with thoughts like “oh you’ll just be forgotten again” or “nobody really cares about you”, including my old thoughts of self harm. The worst is that I will never admit any of this to anyone I care about, though I am aware that I’m going to have to at some point. I’m just so sick of being forgotten or treated as if I was nothing by people that I cared about. Rant out.
