Hi! I've seen you write poems so I was wondering if you could help me out, here's what I've got so far:
Sing oh muse of the great warrior Tydides,
He who obtained godhood for all his struggles,
He who fought against Thebes and Ilium,
He who stained the earth with the golden ichor of war and beauty,
Sing of the companion to the cunning Ulixes,
Of the student to Pallas of wisdom and war,
Of the child to the legendary Tydeus of Aetolia,
Of the best of the Epigoni; the children of the seven against Thebes,
And utter of the words of the life of the great Diomedes of Argos
This is the first thing I've written, so I just kind of want some pointers
Dear Anonymous.
Thanks for your question. It's a great flattery to be asked for advice.
Stylistically, your poem is great already, fantastic use of poetic allusion. I even wrote a scholia of all the fabulae/historiae you mention to help me analyse it. It definitely feels learned
I can't judge the genre from such a small snippet, but I think you are going for epic in a homeric style which case I'd say either keep it obfuscate which muse you are invoking with Muse, Goddess or a epithet but maybe tell is more about what aspects of diomedes life we are learning of rather than simply his parentage , especially since we are informed of his Parentage just a few lines later.
or if you want to provide the reader some genre indication, name the muse, your invoking similar to "aid me calliope" that Vergil uses. Then, proceed as above.
Then I'd just suggest trying our different meters. Since I assume your writing epic, I'd suggest trying out alliterative meter or one of the various English approximations of Dactyllic Hexameter. I'd assume the latter is what you're going for since your poem kinda read aloud to me as Dactylic Tetramere in its opening line.
I personally prefer alliterative meters for epics, but it doesn't have that classical feel and can often read as Tolkieneqsue to modern readers. The meter you choose and sticking to it and breaking when appropriate can be really powerful for this kind of poetry.
Otherwise , just keep writing . A lot of this is based on feeling , i only get better with my poetry from writing and performances of lots of it. Even if most people don't particularly care for my Odes to heroes, they are unfamiliar with.
Finally, if you are comfortable anonymous, reveal yourself to me so I may read your verses as they grow!.