#asks.rhian

[yinyuedijun]

Okay woah bare with me cuz this might be one of the longest comment / message I've ever sent abt a story EVER so a lot of ramblings & incoherent thought!!

Onto the Sae POV short snippet you posted. I feel so heartbroken over them /gen like he went away for years! He pushed both his siblings away for their own good. He "threw them away" and moved on (in my eyes and probably in theirs too) but let's face it. Out of the 3 of them, Sae is the one stuck (Reader is stuck in a cycle too but in the snippet and both ver it did seem she eventually moved on in her own way although not healed) cuz he went away for what? What did it even accomplish? He's estranged from his siblings and he couldn't even save either of them from the wrong thing.

And it makes me feel for him bcuz he couldn't even save himself. He still have the same feelings for Reader even after all those yrs and he's seeing Rin & Reader's relationship and what he could have had. Don't get me wrong. I love Sae so much and he did the right thing in both ver of DP he's just so dependable and responsible and it makes me feel sad that he's in that situation. The way he also said that he wished he have wounded / acted on those feelings for Reader yrs ago like dude 😭 I don't think he even tried to move on or maybe he did try but couldn't (prob bcuz of guilt and other stuff). I wished they get the help they need.

Gen I feel so bad for them like I had scroll thru my phone for HOURS just to arrange my thoughts. Like DP is really that thought provoking / stimulating (in a good way)

Anyways! ONTO Funayure!! I think I'll divide my thoughts based on the ages / timeline shown in the fic otherwise it would be so I comprehensive

(When Reader was 12 / Sae walking up from a nightmare) Omg so it's the old Sae snippet I mentioned in my 3rd anon message! Gosh I can't believe it's here!! OH GOD OH GOD SO HE DID ACTED ON THOSE FEELINGS BUT WHEN IDK?? Gosh Sae's helplessness and Reader's innocence 😭😭😭 the adults failed them istg tbh I think I already said my piece abt this snippet in last message?? Omg idk what else to say apart from my heart is breaking 💔

Also is there a reason why even though he viewed it as him unable to save Reader (from what's happening), he's the one in the "swept in the tide"? Cuz in my eyes it ties to my sentiment that he couldn't even save himself (so how could he save Reader) and "tide" could be the feelings they're both already feeling and/or the situation or perhaps both?? 😭

You mentioned in your explanation that Sae feels guilty bcuz he thought that he somehow manipulated and abused Reader and I just want to hug my bb Sae and tell him that he didnt! He was just a kid too!

(When Sae was 9) Itoshi bros introduction with Reader!! (1) their mother wow I think she's a strong woman bcuz not a lot of ppl will welcome their husbands/spouses child from another woman into their home. (2) i find it cute that Sae noticed every little detail before and during the introduction and Rin is so cute too! (3) I fucking hate their Dad like sir that is your child/ren?!??! How could you be so unfeeling - giving Sae that responsibility at such a young age??!?! And letting your wife do that introductions of your (affair) kid ?? Like you failed both as a husband and father!! How could he also let Reader experience those things and idk give her some parental love and some help??! He's my confront person I tell you!! (4) little Saes thoughts! He's really a big brother 😭 and how terrible it is that even though the abuse never happened again, Reader still couldn't be completed healed and therefore repeated the cycle :(

(2 months after the intro - first time Sae and Reader slept on the same bed) aww so cute so cute! itoshi bros supremacy! yeah, I do think that Sae is a kind kid he's just blunt and Rin knowing that his older brother is kind on his own way?? Ughh I love them both!!!

Sae being gentle with Reader is so cute cuz you can tell that he's trying to be a diff older brother for her (cuz Rin and Reader is just so different so the approach must be diff). Also, them trying to bond over soccer? So cute!

I find the narrative of the Itoshi bros trying to befriend / involve Reader so cute and sweet but their childhood interactions just makes the present / future (?) more heartbreaking. They were so innocent! They were just kids! 😭😭😭

Rin being over the moon over the winner popsicle stick just cuz it was given by Reader and making it his lucky charm?? ADORBS!

Sae humouring Rin by watching the ghibli movie even when they watched it already / a couple of times?? Gosh he's such an older brother!! Not understanding the working of your younger siblings but still humouring them HQHAHA

The quilt moment is so heartwarming but every time I remember the present it makes me think if they were doomed right from this moment or maybe it was from the start :( at this point I'll just prob put a sad emoji every time cuz their story just breaks my heart :((

It's nice to see the Itoshi bros efforts working. Like Reader's finally comfortable enough to interact with them and even share her past (albeit this one to Sae only)

Not for the first time, I hate the adults in this story! They all failed my precious children! They're all so varying degrees of neglectful and abusive and they don't deserve my babies at all!! Like wdym you're just gonna ignore the needs of the kid you adopted who clearly needs help?? Wdym you just let another kid take care of their needs?? Like who does that? Don't even get me started on Reader's prev family like Reader's mom??? The audacity! (Also the reader being scared of her/their mom just makes me cry :( And wdym the mom k-worded herself?? And itoshi dad didn't even get his kid help after all that? Fuck him!) The stepbrother / stepdad?? They're now on my list of confront ppl! How dare they do that to a kid??? I could just punch them!!

(Also I just had to sneak in here how adorable it is that Sae helped Rin get over his initial fear of ghosts. My bbs! Also Sae humouring Rin again by confiding in him! Ughh they're so cute!!)

ANYWAYS, God how fucked up of that OG older brother?? Reader trusted him!! And then he went and traumatised her for life!!

"He doesn't know when all the right things started bleeding wrong" Sae, I'll hold your hand and say this. Your intentions are/were good. You didn't mean any harm :( Ig there's a truth in what they said abt the road to hell being paved with good intentions :(( (TBH a part of me doesn't believe in that saying but I can see the point) and once again THE FAULT LIES IN THE ADULTS WHO IGNORED THE SITUATION AND DIDNT GET THE KIDS HELP!!

(Haunting - End of the excerpt) gosh it's so wrong that they almost seemed like they're flirting (Reader flirting with Sae whichever) babies that's not normal!!

(Not sae being jealous ?? pls 😭 gosh they need help)

I get where Sae is coming from though. He's humouring her and I think he's so used at letting her get away with these that he doesn't have it in him to deny (in any context) or rebuke her or "throw her away".

To conclude, I get why you got pyshic damage over this cuz I feel like this is gonna haunt me too (as it DP hasn't). You wrote this so nicely that I was hooked like Sae feeling those feelings and knowing that it's wrong?? But at the same time he's a kid?? They all are. Like I wish someone would just get them therapy or smth!! Thank you for sharing this og ver and I hope you have a great week ahead!!

P.S if smths not making any sense with my comment disclaimer that it's bcuz I'm super @_@ rn like my heads been annoying me why I'm constantly having headaches is beyond me but that's life hahah

- Rhian (it's me again hiii!!)

HI RHIAN!!!! omg I'm so glad you enjoyed the snippet & funayuurei!! I really have to thank you for being so encouraging about desire path, I think I would have just let that fic die if you hadn't been so kind about reaching out!!!

thank you SO much for all your commentary, I really loved reading it! I'll reply to some of the major points below with some insights :3c

(tw child abuse, incest, suicide)

IM SO GLAD YOU MADE THAT OBSERVATION ABOUT SAE BEING STUCK!! it is really sad because out of the three of them, he is the one who is "alone" because he tried to do the responsible thing as the eldest brother. it is true also - the reader never really heals, but she does move with rin in desire path and imagines a kind of future for herself. this is not the case in funayuurei though rip

YES I did see your commentary about the snippet, thank you for sending it in! I'll expand on when it happened (e.g. when they slept together) in another ask that someone sent 🫡

I LOVE YOUR QUESTION ABOUT THE TIDE... the answer is two-fold. the sea more or less represents the devastation and cycle of tragedy that reader's mother has brought into her life. sae tries to save her from it metaphorically but ultimately fails, even though the reader views him as a dependable brother figure who makes her feel safe. he's "swept away in it" because he gets caught up in her situation and doesn't know how to deal with the pain, ultimately failing her.

interestingly, in that scene where she almost drowned as a 12y/o - sae's pov makes it look like he jumped in and saved her, and she erroneously thinks that he's the one who saved her. but in reality, it was rin who pulled her out of the water. accordingly, it's rin who is most reliable for her in the end.

full disclosure, I am a young sibling myself so I'm glad you appreciated how I wrote the dynamics AHGLSJSLSJAJ. sae humoring rin's weird habits is defs something I have experienced 💀

ok I LOVED reading your reaction to their parents also. it really does feel so unfair and horrible from the kids' povs, because it absolutely is. if you are interested however, here is some info on their motivations:

the dad objectively sucks and was a neglectful shit father to the reader. this is because, though, he feels incredibly guilty every time he sees her and is convinced he can't be a good father to her. from his pov he was weak enough to have an affair with her mother, and it was the way he hurt her that led to her ending up with a horrible man after him (the reader's stepdad), and ultimately her mom kills herself and he also sees that as his fault. he is uncomfortable with the reader's existence because she is a reminder for all those failings, and he doesn't know how to fix her. so that's why he completely ignores her 😭

on a related note, reader's biological mom was basically severely mentally ill and stuck in her own cycle of toxic/abusive relationships, which the reader was unfortunately born into. she married a horrible man who abused her and her daughter, and in turn she began to take it out on her daughter. she didn't know how to get out of the situation; after her husband was arrested and her stepson was discovered abusing her daughter, she came to her senses enough to try to do right by her. she begged the reader's biological dad to take her in, and he agreed. however, he ultimately couldn't help the reader's mom (he is already married with two sons) - so after dropping off her daughter at the itoshi household, she drowned herself in sagami bay. and now her daughter, after growing up, is similarly stuck in a pattern of abuse 😔

the stepdad never got fleshed out admittedly and is just a plainly bad character without depth HEFLSJSKS. but I think the stepdad was really the root cause of most of the abuse that the reader experienced. he sexually abused his son (the stepbrother), who internalised this behaviour and wanted to act these things out with the reader. in desire path, there is actually a scene where the reader and rin visit choshi (her hometown where she grew up with her first family), and they run into her stepbrother at a convenience store. he's so ashamed of himself that he can't make eye contact with the reader, and even pretends not to know her when she tries to call out to him. it's extremely sad (and vile), and when rin sees this, he finally starts to get an inkling of the kind of things that might have happened to her growing up.

ANYWAY sorry for yapping so much 😭😭😭 thank you SO MUCH again for reading and sending such thoughtful commentary! I appreciate it ♥️♥️♥️

[yinyuedijun]

omg youre back! hello i've missed looking thru your blog!! hope you're doing well

- rhian (wide awake reading your fics at 1am)

HIII thank you Rhian!!! I am doing much better now and so happy to be back 😭 thank you for the warm welcome!!!! I hope you've been well too!

[yinyuedijun]

Idk if I'm gonna be sad or happy that it seems like tumblr lost my incoherent thoughts about your writing and desire path??

but anywhoo I hope you have a lovely holidays!

- rhian

NOOOO IM SO SORRY?? I've been very offline lately so it might have just been buried in my inbox I fear, I will go hunt for it later when I get the chance 😭 either way, thank you for reading!!! and happy holidays!! 🫶