#asrfparagraphs

[chapvstheworld]

Chained

Your ever vigilant presence gaze through my every move.

Restrained, i can barely walk freely.

Your cage bound me to this empty room you set for me.

What are freedom when the air i breath are the one you allowed me to.

What are my choices when you’ve laid out the possibilities and threats should i step an inch out of your expectations.

Your obsession is like a noose around my neck.

You choked me to a point of submission and defeat.

Your negativity polluted me.

You always find me in the hole I’ve dug to hide.

I cant never bring you to understand my perspective and my view.

[chapvstheworld]

I love being elsewhere than your ribcage

It's been so long since I let my feelings wander to another soul. My doubtful action move along to your words. Such sweetness swelling up in my ribcage. And yet, I don't wish to bring down my cowl. I wonder, what would it be like if our roles are reversed. Do I dare to take the bait? Don't keep me in the left side of your chest. I'm meant to be elsewhere.

[chapvstheworld]

And I wonder, how will i ever have the guts to ask you out when my cheeks turn red out of my nervousness. And i wonder, how do I express my feelings for you when I tend to get tongue tied so easily. And I wonder, when will there be a perfect moment to hold your hands and look at you into your earthly brown eyes when i keep on counting the seconds ticking on my watch. And I wonder, will I ever dare myself to take that daring step?

[chapvstheworld]

I thought that I was strong enough to let things go. Yet here I am, turned my head the moment i smelled that familiar scent. I thought that I have amnesia believing that I have forgot the smile you made. Yet here I am, letting my mind wander back to your door. Could it be that all the moments we've spent together, we left a piece of our soul in that moment, immortalizing them to forever replaying them over and over again. Or perhaps this muse in my playlist serenading me of how much your touch meant to my skin. Or your letters I've stashed in my blue shoe box reading me of your promises and confessions of love. As I'm ending this paragraph, I place my pen down slowly and with a wry smile, I told myself, I should've done this years ago. To accept that all that I ever love is but a ghost and a husk. In acceptance, i nod my head gently. Understanding that this is the best for us than to walk ourselves into destruction. We are but a terrible yet strong lessons that will only happen once. My sore fingers and my tired mind have placed your love aside. A newfound goals I now search.

[chapvstheworld]

Maybe this is why we didn't worked out. Because I only dream of the romantic things I'd do for you. Maybe this is why we fell apart. Because I've build my home around your arms. Maybe this is why we became mute. Because I only used lyrics and paragraphs to express my fondness for you. Maybe this is why we lost so much. Because we wanted so much more even though we had everything. Maybe this is me being the hopeless romantic.

[chapvstheworld]

Our 3am thoughts

Don’t we all have that 3am thoughts in some nights? Where our brain would set it self to overdrive, even we can’t stop it. We would ponder in the mysteries of life and secrecy of death. The deeper meaning to nothing and everything. Projecting our past heartbreaks and trauma. Smothering our faces into our blankets and pillows. Finding the gaps of where things went wrong and figuring out what should’ve been done to fill up that space. Then we have memories and experiences of bliss and laughter. We would smirk like a silly child and even let out a few giggles. When things get too much for us to handle, we condemned ourselves and label our thoughts as over thinking. And we brood and cry ourselves to sleep. Why deny when we can accept? Think deeper, hum louder. You might actually find something.

[chapvstheworld]

12th May

May came by to remind me of my broken heart. This was where I let my freedom and myself be apart. Confessed my love, with our hearts in bits and shards. Anxiety and nervousness played a part. We became the stellar and the moon. For each other's sake, we became a Boon. We challenged the world what others couldn't. By the night we rest, we dreamed and swoon. The terrible climax, we raged like fire and hurricane and the storm. We counted our sacrifices and demanded to be returned in spade. Gratitude degraded into unspeakable heresy. We shed our tears and soul as we part our path. And in this wild tundra, I began again. Not with anyone else but only myself. I searched for love but i found none out there. Truth be told, i began to despair. In my lowest low and the darkest night. I realized I am still alive. With the dimmest hint, I rise again. Begin anew, I journeyed to gain. You are my story i can never forget. You were my romantic novel. A beautiful beginning but with a sorrowful end. The final chapter were nearly illiterate. Marks of tears and weakened words. You are the bookmark that will always set on this date. An undeniable past, I've learned to forgive. A lesson so harsh, I graduated with honors. Goodbye dearest May. Till we meet again.

[chapvstheworld]

Understand that trust is very fragile to the sensitive, And dense to the forgiving. Hope is a dying candlelight in the eyes of the pessimist And a shining lighthouse to the optimist. This world have nothing to offer to those that are parochial. While the curious learn many things the moment they step out of their home. We are similar yet very different. If only you can figure everything out.