EMAIL: HUNTER CLARINGTON ⇄ SEBASTIAN SMYTHE
I can't believe I'm doing this, but I guess now is as good time as any. I'm sorry. Yes, I really did just type those words, so there is no need to go and read it over again.
Kitty means nothing to me, I'm sure that didn't help ease your mind but it did need to be said. What happened that night was a total mistake, and she wasn't even that good of a kisser. It was actually repulsive. I can't believe I was drunk enough to think that kissing her was a good idea, let alone a make out session. Whatever they gave me, it was strong.
I'm not much for long and depressing emails, but there are a few things I need you to know before we go into what I'm assuming is never talking to each other again.
I love you. I don't say it as much as I should, and I don't act like it. But I really do. When I first walked into Dalton's halls and I met you, I knew you were going to be something different. I knew you were going to be that person I couldn't get out from under my skin, and that you were going to irritate me to no end. And then I don't know what happened, but you managed to get me to care, which is not something someone does easily. But you got me to care, and god, I care so much.
When I started the steroids, I didn't know what I was doing. I just wanted to get home and end this nightmare that my mother forced me into. I just wanted enough to get me expelled. I didn't expect for it to get so out of control. I knew that my life was past saving, that my future was gone. But you still had one, you could still follow your dreams. I knew you weren't going to go on your own, I knew you would have wanted to stay by my side, letting me pull you down with me. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I knew that I ruined every shot you had at a good future. So I had to give you a reason, I had to give you a good reason to leave me. Even if it meant I was sitting in a small cell alone, trying my best to avoid the heartache that had come over, pulling myself day through day trying to get you out of my mind. It sucked, life without you, it sucks.
Then you gave me another chance, and it was one of the best things I had ever heard. I tried my best to keep myself from ruining it, but like always, things just slowly fell a part. But the distance was causing a strain, one we didn't need. The wanting to hold you, but you were so far away. The days where I just needed to be with you, and you were over ten hours away. It hurt. I'll never admit to that again, so don't try and make me.
Even now, the not having you around, the knowing that you were mine and might not be again, I can't even describe what it feels like. Some people may act like I don't have feelings, like I'm some robot who doesn't have a heart, but you make me the person I want to be.
I love you. I just wanted to make sure you heard it one last time.
