atomic gold - a vashwood fan fic
chapter 1/3: atomic pairing: vashwood (vash x nicholas) rating: 18+ summary: Nicholas swore this was the last fight, but it was never the case. He always ended up in the projector room in the east wing of the university’s main building being patched up by Vash. Vash was a good guy, a little goofy at times. And had a habit of causing more trouble than helping, but he and Nicholas were rather close since they both became the only two members of the dying film club. tags: college au, internalized homophobia, smut, nicholas is bad at feelings, film club au, minor violence, mentions of blood, trans!vash, needle mentions, jealousy, background relationships, catholicism, slow burn, eventual smut, reference to abuse, controlling knives a/n: this fic will be updated on June 11th (today), June 18th & June 25th. read it on ao3 !
Nicholas swore this was the last fight, but it was never the case. He always ended up in the projector room in the east wing of the university’s main building being patched up by Vash.
Vash was a good guy, a little goofy at times. And had a habit of causing more trouble than helping, but he and Nicholas were rather close since they both became the only two members of the dying film club.
“Aw c’mon big guy.” Vash said, “It doesn’t hurt that bad.” He dabbed a cotton ball covered in disinfectant onto Nicholas’ eyebrow, there was a small gash there from where he got punched.
Nicholas hissed through his teeth and gripped the torn knees of his jeans. He was fighting a few guys from the athletics department. They kept coming to the projector room and bothering Vash. They wanted him to play their shitty movies on the big screen of the auditorium, and Nicholas had enough and beat up most of them before they went scurrying.
“Don’t be such a big baby.” Vash chuckled.
"I'm not being a huge baby." Nicholas responded as he relaxed his grip on his jeans and threw his arm over the back of the cramped couch. His legs kicked up on the falling apart table they took from the garbage of another club on campus. The local university was known as the "rumble" or the "badlands' ', it was a desert that surrounded this college town. It was also known from the amount of delinquents that would visit the campus from neighboring small towns and cause problems.
Nicholas has lived in the university town his whole life, there was an orphanage and church where he grew up. So he had never strayed too far away from home. If he wanted the walk, he could get from the university to the church. He closed his eyes as Vash placed a Hello Kitty bandage on top of his bleeding eyebrow.
"Is there anything else I should know about?" He started to zip up the bag of medical supplies. making sure that Nicholas was okay. He reached out for a moment and almost patted Nicholas on the knee, but decided against it. Nicholas wasn't big on physical touch, Vash chalked it up to a life of prayer. It's not like being raised by nuns and priests was known to be a hugging and kissing kind of upbringing.
"Everything else is fine, I promise I'm alright." Nicholas' dark eyes met Vash's.
"You know I worry, you're like my best friend here. Who else is going to watch Children of the Plants or Forsaken God with me?" Vash pulled two of the DVDs out from the cramped shelf that lined the far wall of the room. Stuffed with almost every DVD one could think of., "You know, I might have a hook up at the library who says that they're getting some archival footage, I might be able to get it for free."
"Is it from that Millie girl?" Nicholas asked.
"Not this time, it's another girl from the library."
"Which one is that? Amelia Anne? Or that other really tall girl Patricia." Nicholas asked as he leaned over to his bag and took out some nicotine gum and started chewing. He always wanted a smoke after a good fight, but Vash barred all smoking from the projection room. He said it ruined the forms of film they kept in the room.
"Patricia doesn't even go here anymore. I think she works with her family a few states over. Her name is Meryl, she seems keen on preserving the film and having it readily available for students. I'm wondering if I should invite the two of them to the club, it would be good to have more members on the list."
Nicholas frowned, "We don't need anymore members."
Vash pouted, "C'mon, Nicholas. It's only us, what's going to happen when we graduate? We need more members so the club can go after next year." He really was like a puppy dog, those big blue eyes that looked to the other man.
Nicholas sighed, "I'll think about it. This room is cramped with just the two of us, we don't need more bodies in this hot ass room." He rested his temple on his knuckle and looked at the blonde, "I don't want a repeat of what happened when you tried to join the group."
Vash grimaced, "Knives isn't that bad, he just worries."
Their eyes met, without words Vash knew what Nicholas was thinking. He hated Knives with a passion. There was something about that science major, member of the student union, asshole that Nicholas couldn't stand. But Vash cared for his brother, it was the only family he had left, and Nicholas could empathize with the feeling of not having much family to turn to.
Nicholas just wished that Vash could admit that his brother had faults.
Vash's phone rang and he reached for it on the table. He saw it was a message from his brother and got up, "Well I have to head out now, Knives is here. I'll see you Thursday okay? Remember to lock the door on the way out." He grabbed his bag and waved over his shoulder as he exited the room.
Nicholas sunk into his seat a little more. He groaned and ran fingers through his dark hair. He felt like a mess, anytime Vash was around, Nicholas couldn't think of much else besides the blonde himself. He had to tell him to stop touching him so he could get a semblance of control over himself. Nicholas didn't know what to call these feelings, they were a jumbled mess of wires that sat in his chest. Most not connected to any rational thought.
Vash was a humanoid typhoon, he left as quickly as he came rolling in. He was a disaster and Nicholas wanted him so badly. But there was something deep inside of Nicholas that scoffed at these feelings. They were almost disgusting in nature. These feelings could only be akin to lust, because being gay in Nicholas' eyes was being someone who could never be loved. Love was reserved for God's creations, not a sinner like Nicholas.
He spat the gum out into the wastebin and got up. He put the DVDs that Vash took out back and left the room. This felt like something that Nicholas needed to pray about.
-
Nicholas didn't see Vash on Wednesday, but he did see Knives putting up posters for a talk with one of the professors from another university within the state. The two locked eyes, as Nicholas passed by. Knives gave a small nod of acknowledgment while Nicholas gave him a partial wave.
The dark haired man ran his tongue across his molars as he passed in an effort to keep it civil. When his back was turned to the blonde, he heard him say, "Nice cut you got there." And Nicholas looked over his shoulder.
"Yeah, your brother fixed me up."
Knives shrugged, "Vash always loved fixing broken things." Then the sound of tape being peeled filled the space between them. It was like nothing was around them, even though the reality was that there were multiple students trying to get around them.
"Yeah, I guess."
"Heads up, by the way. A little birdie told me they're cracking down on fights. I'd hate to see you go before you could graduate, Wolfwood."
"Isn't that sweet."
"Yeah, so keep Vash out of your little brawls. I'd hate for us to have problems." Knives then flashed the smile that got him elected in the first place. before he tore the strip of tape with his teeth and went back to putting up posters.
Nicholas sighed and continued walking. He bit the inside of his mouth to keep himself from mouthing off to the vice president of the student union. That's the last thing he needed on his rep sheet right now, he was already down there with the delinquents that enjoyed a good fight. Classes went by in a blur, his main focus was on history but.dabbled in other classes for electives. He knew people looked at him when he sat in the front of the lecture hall, especially when they saw the dried gash in his eyebrow.
A good Catholic boy who loved a good fight. And protecting the hyperactive stringbean he called a club partner.
Classes weren't so bad at the university, the rooms were often un-airconditioned which left Nichola unbuttoning the first few buttons of his crisp shirt. During one lecture this afternoon, he saw a meek girl a few seats down with large bottle glasses getting a small peek of his chest, especially the curly hairs that laid there.
Nicholas chuckled briefly into his fist. He should be attracted to girls like that, the kind that were sweet and smart. But the vibration of his phone in his pocket had the dark haired man at the beck and call to the chaos that was Vash.
He briefly looked at his phone, what he saw in the text were pictures of cats drawn as different tarot cards and Vash captioned it with "This is how I want my cards to be read., lol."
Vash texted him through most of the day as he usually did. The blonde didn't have many friends, he was friendly with the workers at the library but he wasn't going out every night. It wasn't like Knives would let him anyway. Nicholas' head was in his phone, going through the memes that Vash found when he heard his name.
"Wolfwood!" A gruff voice got him out of his trance.
Well, if it wasn't the idiots from the athletic department. Nicholas put his bag down, "I don't have all day. I got places to be." His bag hit the floor with a 'thump'. He rolled up his sleeves.
One of the members stepped forward and Nicholas did the same, even though his eyebrow still stung from being hit the day before. He grit his teeth and pulled back his arm. Before he could punch forward, someone cleared their throat from the top of the staircase. The men looked over and saw a young woman with black hair and gray-lilac eyes.
"Excuse me." She said with her arms crossed, "If you're going to fight, take it outside."
"Meryl what are you- oh hi Nicholas." A taller woman came down the stairs and stopped where the other one was. Nicholas knew her as Millie, she often "rented" movies from the club. She worked at the library and was taller than most of the guys on campus.
"Hey Millie." Nicholas dropped his arm and looked at her. And the second of looking away, the dark haired man's vision went dark and a sharp pain shot through his temple.
-
When Nicholas woke up he was in the infirmary. He was laid out on a cot with a cold press against the side of his head. There were three people sitting at the other end of the room, Nicholas couldn't make them out until he blinked himself awake. Millie, that Meryl girl and Vash were there. The women were sitting on the uncomfortable chairs and Vash was propped up against the wall, his long legs crossed.
Nicholas groaned as he tried to sit up but the sharp pain kept him down. He exhaled deeply and kept his right eye shut as it hurt to even keep it open. The noises he made attracted the attention of the others in the room. Vash was the first to be at Nicholas' side.
"Hey buddy." He said, "Nasty bruise you got there."
"Why are you here, you have today off."
"Ah well, I got a text from Millie that you got knocked out so I had to come as fast as possible. You missed your three o'clock class though. "
"It's fine." Nicholas sighed, "It's just critical thinking about poetry."
Meryl stifled a laugh and Nicholas shot her a look with his good eye. She said, "Sorry, sorry. I just never pictured you as a poetry guy is all. Everything I've heard from you has been about fighting or movies."
Nicholas frowned as he turned back to Vash. Oh how he wanted to reach out and touch the man above him. How he wanted to run his fingers through that undercut. But instead the throb in his head kept him from doing much else besides staring. He asked, "How long do I have to stay here?"
"Just until the nurse checks up on you. Then we can go." Vash smiled, "Do you want to come over tonight, Knives is out for the evening?"
"I don't want to be a bother."
"Don't worry about it, I'd feel better knowing you were safe. Just in case you had a concussion, that's all. C'mon Wolfwood."
Nicholas exhaled, "Fine, if it makes you feel better I'll do it." He slowly sat up and could see the hesitation that Vash had to help him sit up. His hands ghosted his body just in case he fell back down on the thin pillow. He sort of regretted telling Vash to not touch him.
Millie went to go get the nurse, Nicholas was checked out. It was suggested he wore sunglasses until the bruising around his eye healed. It would be sensitive to light for a few weeks. Thankfully it wasn't something worth going to the hospital for, but the nurse told him that if his condition gets worse to go to the ER as soon as possible.
"It's good you have a friend like Vash." Said the nurse, "Those brothers are always there to lend a helping hand."
Nicholas nodded, "Uh, yeah." He wouldn't consider Knives to be nice. Millie helped him back to his feet and he took the ice pack with him. The cool ice felt nice against his bruised skin. It was dark by the time they left the nurse's office. He could still feel Vash's hand ghosting his back for support. He turned to the blonde, "If you want to drag me home, feel free."
Vash gave a reassuring smile, "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."
"I'm going to be feeling discomfort for a few weeks." Nicholas responded.
They crossed campus together, Vash carried Nicholas' bag that he had dropped prior to getting hit. They eventually got to the rows of townhouses that made up part of the residence. Vash and Knives lived together in the corner near the back of the lot. The light from the streetlamp made Nicholas' sore eye throb.
"A little bright isn't it." Vash remarked, "Don't worry I'll protect you!" And took off the orange glasses he always wore and put them over Nicholas' eyes, "Won't be perfect, but I think I have a pair at home." He flashed a beaming smile.
Nicholas smiled at the blonde, "Thanks, Vash. I owe you one."
The townhouse was dark when they entered, it wasn't as modern as the apartments at the other end of the campus but it made do. It had a better heating and cooling system compared to the university buildings themselves. Vash put Nicholas' bag down, "Do you want me to go to your dorm and pick up some things. Or do you want to wear my clothes tomorrow."
"Hate to break it to you, blondie. I'll stretch out all your clothes. I have bigger tits than you do." Nicholas laughed.
"Well of course you do, I got mine removed six months ago." Vash replied, he then held out his hand, "Keys, and the code is still 2455?"
"Always." Nicholas handed over his keys, "Just grab whatever, a clean pair of boxers would be nice too." He smiled as Vash turned away from him to go to the residence apartments where Nicholas lived. The dark haired man closed the door, took off his shoes and turned on some lights before he headed to the living room. He placed Vash's glasses on the coffee table.
The brothers got lucky with this townhouse, it only had two bedrooms in the entire place. Usually they had four to six, but the brothers had their own rooms. Usually when Nicholas slept over he usually crashed on the overused leather couch. Vash usually dumped a bunch of pillows and blankets on top of him to help him get comfortable.
He took off his jacket and dropped onto the couch then draped his coat over the arm of where he sat. He unbuttoned more of his shirt and relaxed. He gingerly touched the bruise around his right eye. The pain could be felt in his teeth. It was so bad. He knew he'd have to take a look at it in the morning.
He stared up at the ceiling, applying the melting ice ever so often until he walked to the fridge and found the star shaped ice cubes that Vash kept in the freezer. He wrapped up a few pieces in some paper towels and threw out the old ice. His ass once more found the couch and he remained quiet in the townhouse until Vash returned. The door opened and Nicholas looked down the hall to see Vash with a plastic bag full of Nicholas' stuff.
"Hey!" Vash chirped, "I got some extra clothes, tomorrow's going to be a scorcher so I got you some shorts. Your roommate was gone so it wasn't a hassle to get everything. Your toothbrush is the orange one right?"
"You know me too well, blondie." Nicholas chuckled.
"Anything for you, Nicky."
Nicholas rolled his good eye, "I told you to never call me that."
Vash stuck his tongue out playfully, "Well I told you to never call me blondie." Then dropped the bag on the coffee table beside his glasses. He put his hands on his hips, "We should probably get comfortable." Then turned to head upstairs to the bedrooms.
Vash's was on the right while Knives' was on the left. They were separated by a short hallway and the bathroom they shared. As the two men climbed the stairs, Nicholas asked Vash where his brother went. "Oh you know, he's taking the astronomy class this semester so class runs late. Then he said he had something to do for the student union so he wasn't coming home tonight."
"Maybe he finally got a girlfriend."
Vash laughed, "Oh, I'd know if he had a girlfriend. Knives don't keep secrets from me." He opened the door to his bedroom. The two men got undressed in the spacious room. Nicholas always tensed up with how casual Vash was to show off his body.
Nicholas knew the act of changing wasn't sexual. He didn't really see anything aside from the thick scar lines. Most jagged and cut in weird places. Nicholas didn't know much about Vash's childhood, but he knew it wasn't easy. He knew his mother died, he and his brother were shipped around the country in foster care, and some of those homes were ideal. And then Vash lost his arm at sixteen in an accident.
The only scars that had any precision to them were what Vash called the "anchor" scars from his top surgery. Vash admitted those were the only scars that didn't carry hurt, but rather euphoria.
"Why do you always change in front of me, but you've told me you were scared of showing girls your body." Nicholas asked as he tugged on the t-shirt Vash brought him. He kept his eyes on the blonde's back as he stepped into his shorts.
Vash chuckled to himself, "You don't find it all gross, Nicholas. You don't look at it all and find me disgusting. " He looked at the prosthetic arm he had, "You make me feel like a real man."
Nicholas wanted to hug Vash in that moment, feel the blonde's back against his chest. But he restrained himself, instead clenching his fists and quickly loosening the grip. "Well, you're more of a man than I'll ever be. Anyone who tells you otherwise is going to hear from me."
Vash smiled as he turned around, still shirtless. "Yeah well, I have the advantage of the top surgery scars blending into all the other ones." He put his hands on his hips and put on his best smile. That's what he always did when he was vulnerable to Nicholas, he'd laugh it off and move on. It pained Nicholas to see him do that.
The men got dressed and Vash suggested they put on a movie while they made dinner. He explained that he was cooking up something for him and his brother before he got the text to come to the nurse's office. "I mean the ground beef was going to go bad soon, so I had to cook it tonight."
"What were you doing with it?"
"Making me infamous cheeseburger pasta." Vash beamed.
"Didn't you get the recipe from the internet like the second week living on campus?"
"Yes, but it doesn't call for chili powder, so therefore it makes it my special recipe. "
Nicholas chuckled, "Whatever you say, I could go for anything right now." The two began to restart dinner. Thankfully Vash had only prepped most of the items. Vash cooked the beef while Nicholas watched the noodles. It was almost domestic. Something that Nicholas craved. It made his heart yearn.
Is this really something he could have? Was he allowed to be this domestic? He was taught that most gay love came from the sin of lust. But Nicholas didn't want to jump Vash's bones, he wanted to do this. He wanted to share meals, watch films. Was that still the sin of lust? In his anxious state, Nicholas tugged on the cross he wore around his neck. He couldn't seek guidance tonight, he'd have to sit in his worry of sin.
But as he watched Vash chatter away with him, pushing the meat around the old skillet. He laughed at his own jokes, he however noticed that Nicholas was lost in thought. He waved his hand in front of the other man's face, "Are you okay there, Nicholas? Do you want me to take over?"
"No, no. I'm fine, just thinking about something."
"Oooh, what is it? Something important?" Vash tilted his head to the side briefly.
Nicholas shrugged, "I promise I'm not thinking about anything special right now." Then he grabbed a serving spoon from the drawer to check if the noodles were done. It wasn't that important, even if the emotion was strangling him. Nothing that Vash needed to worry his blonde head about.
-
The pair finished dinner. And ended up on the couch, Vash yawned as he grabbed one of the crochet blankets he made in second year over his lap. "How are you feeling?" He asked.
"Good, good."
Vash ran his hand through his blonde hair before dropping it down on the couch, his prosthetic fingers so close to Nicholas' own. The dark haired man swallowed and kept his composure. He buried those feelings deep, he wasn't going to throw caution to the wind and fuck up the foundation of their friendship.
Nicholas knew that Vash was bisexual and transgender. He said what was the point of picking one. Nicholas never told him that he was gay, resorting to just smiling at the blonde's freedom to express his gender and sexuality. To Vash, Nicholas was just a very good ally. Afterall he was one of the people to take care of Vash when he took a semester off to recover from top surgery since Knives was often busy with his own affairs. But no matter how strong Nicholas' resolve was, he reached out a pinky finger and brushed it alongside Vash's own.
He wondered if the blonde could feel it, he never asked for the schematics of Vash's prosthetic. He thought it was a little too invasive, it was honestly none of his business and knew it would strike a nerve if asked poorly. So he rubbed his pinky against his and prayed to God that Vash couldn't feel anything. But quickly pulled his hand away when Vash coughed into his other elbow.
Stupid, stupid, sinful. Was all that Nicholas thought.
"Hey Nicholas?" Vash asked.
"Uh yeah?" He responded
"I know your face is all busted in, but can you do me a favor?"
Nicholas nodded. The pair ended up in the bathroom upstairs. Vash took off his sweatpants, and sat on top of the toilet lid and lined up his supplies. The packaged needle and the bottle of testosterone. Vash had the option to take the gel but there was a familiarity to take the needle. But sometimes he needed a little help getting the job done. He took the needle out, got the testosterone into it at the right dose and held it out for Nicholas to administer it.
"Got the Band-Aid?" Nicholas asked.
Vash held out the heart shaped bandages that he bought especially for the testosterone shots, "peace and love, baby!"
Nicholas smiled, even though the swelling in his face made it hurt. He reached out and held Vash's thigh and slowly inserted the needle into the top of Vash's thigh. "1, 2, 3. There. Relax. Tensing it up will make it hurt later."
"Okay, okay." Vash turned his head to not look at the needle in his skin. He felt the prick and before he knew it, Nicholas was finished. He felt the bandage be taken from his hand and stuck on his thigh. Vash turned back to look at Nicholas on his knees in front of him. The blonde then smacked his thigh to "help" the testerone get into his bloodstream.
"Does that help?"
Vash shrugged, "Maybe, no idea. "
Nicholas got up slowly, "I'm glad I could help you. I think you can help me get some more ice for this bruise." He pointed to his eye that was swelling up a little bit.
The blonde got up and pulled his sweatpants back up, tightening the waistband around his waist. "Of course! Anything for my Nicky." He slapped Nicholas on the shoulder and exited the bathroom.
Nicholas caught himself in the mirror as he passed by to exit the bathroom. His eye looked like a mess, the bruise was a deep red on the verge of purple. At least his face wasn't broken. It was just a nasty bruise for the next month or so. He stretched his arms above his head, his shirt rolled up to show a bit of his happy trail. He then exited the bathroom.
The two eventually put on a movie, and Nicholas felt the best he had felt in the last few days. He felt almost a peace surrounded by Vash's warmth. He was like the golden rays of the afternoon light. Vash handed him another paper towel full of ice and carefully patted it onto Nicholas' skin.
"Is it okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, I don't mind." He exhaled through his nose, "Thank you."
Vash continued to press the ice on the other's face, "You better sleep on your other side tonight. Why don't you take my room?"
"I couldn't, I'll be fine on the couch."
"No, no. You need a nice place to sleep, where I can keep an eye on you. I don't want you dying in your sleep." Vash frowned at him, "I'm not explaining to the cops why there's a dead man in my house."
"I promise I'll be fine."
"No, no. How about this, we both share the bed. Dudes do that right?" Vash cocked his head to the side.
"I promise you they do not." Nicholas replied, the idea of sharing a bed with Vash made his heart race. The bed wasn't big enough to fit two people but not huge. He would survive on the couch.
"No way! Well tonight we're making an exception. I need to keep an eye on you in case your condition gets worse. That's what the nurse said to me, so I must follow by it! Who cares what regular dudes do anyway, desperate times call for desperate measures!" Vash puffed out his chest and put his hands on his hips.
Nicholas couldn't help but laugh. "Whatever you say, Vash." He shook his head, "Why don't you pull something from that DVD collection of yours and let's watch something." He watched the blonde perk up and go get something from his prized DVD collection. Nicholas held the ice to his head and watched him pick something out. His heart hammered in his chest. Times like these made Nicholas question his loyalty to his faith. That there was something more to be devoted to.
