#atr95

[rarmaster]

i just remembered riku’s Sick Acrobatic Stunt from ATR ch95 that i had to cut... i’m fond of it and sad it’s gone

here’s why it got cut:

fuck me he’d crossed his legs so they aren’t awkwardly pinned between namine and the wall anymore. Like, losing it is probably for the better, it was logistics hell, but rip!

and here’s the sick acrobatic stunt: 

“Oh!” Riku said, after a moment. He sat up completely, then stopped, considering his position between Namine and the wall. “Um, hang on,” he said. “Just, stay still a second? And, sorry if this is weird.” Before she could ask what he was doing, he flopped back down onto the pillows. Then, with a feat of somewhat acrobatic measure, hoisted his legs into the air, twisted his body to get them past Namine, and then dropped all of his weight on the floor, sticking the landing. Namine put a hand to her face, caught between laughing and embarrassed. ((DID SHE SEE HIS BUTT YES/NO)) “I could have moved,” she said. “Yeah, well, I was gonna ask you to sit back down again, so it seemed silly,” Riku argued. As if that hadn’t been silly and wholly unnecessary (if, a little impressive). “Anyway…”

I WENT THRU SO MUCH WORK TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DESCRIBE HIM DOING THAT ONLY TO NOT NEED IT, SLKDJFSJKLF, I’M SAD TO SEE IT GO

yes it was Extra and Ridiculous but the boy is Very Adept at combat there’s no way he can’t just casually pull off acrobatic stunts when he feels like it, that’s not how “becoming good at sword fighting” works

[rarmaster]

so i said i’d have a Lot of thoughts to share once ATR95 went up, so here’s??

mainly it’s just, ftp namiku has been a thing I’ve been struggling with for, longer than I’d like to admit, becuase I essentially stopped giving a fuck about them at least a year ago! I talked myself into keeping them together two years ago because I felt the deserved better than a lazy break up becuase I didn’t care about them anymore but

after two years and at least 50 chapters I decided it was time to stop kidding myself. the circumstances I built into ATR changed (like, giving Namine her own plotline and agency, but also gestures at everything re: Riku getting adopted sldkfj) and even though they didn’t really deserve “lazy breakup because I don’t want to deal with it” they also don’t deserve “I forgot to address literally anything about their relationship for upwards of 50 chapters” 

and I deserved better than tying myself down to something I was ultimately unsatisfied with

so ftp Namiku is no longer dating

I mean, they never, were, officially dating to begin with but now at least the whole charade of “I guess we technically have a Relationship going even though neither of us act like it??” that’s been going on for the past like 70 chapters of ATR is over

“but rar!!” you may cry “THEY LIKE, //REALLY// LOVED EACH OTHER IN DEAD INSIDE, WHAT GIVES!!!!”

people change??? Namine’s literally been through hell, so she’s changed, as have her feelings. plus like. falling out of love is normal?? they’re literally teenagers?? technically they’re literally babies who have only a year’s worth of memories and experience under their belt, because replica???? 

(granted i think this was pretty obvious in the chapter sdlkf)

and they don’t, like, not love each other!!

they just finally looked at their love and went “hmm, not romantic”

for Namine it’s mainly just she’s changed as a person, and her feelings for Riku have also changed. I mean also misinterpreting How Romance In General Works probably also contributed, I just, I want to take a second to establish with Namine that like, she probably had Romantic Feelings for Riku at some point, and they just fell away.

as for Riku? boy’s aromantic

“rar you can’t make all your faves aromantic” SHUT UP, YES I CAN

its not really as clear as I think I would have liked it to be in this chapter becuase we weren’t in Riku’s pov (and also, tbh, it’s probably going to take him a little longer for him to actually be aware this is a thing he is) but like. it’s important to me?? that he’s aromantic??

and I understand that, maybe I’m contradicting my own canon here?? I don’t think I am, but I’ve been thinking a lot about this, so shares my thoughts on why I don’t think I am / how I’m “justifying” this I guess

> at least 70% of his feelings towards Namine until pretty recently were a mix of Desire To Protect and Unhealthy Obsession which, ain’t Romos, 

> I’m not saying he didn’t love her, because, he did?? but I don’t think anything in dead inside implied it was Inherently Romantic

> they do get like really affectionate in the later bits of dead inside but a) boy’s affection starved b) you can be affectionate / desire cuddles / desire to Spend Time with someone without being Romantically In Love With Said Person so, like

> there’s no way, again, he wasn’t super fucking confused about what Romantic Love even was until literally within the last month in-story? I said it before but like, someone took his feelings for canon/magik’s Namine and labeled them “Romantic Feelings” and that became his standard, which, like, blah blah he misinterpreted blah blah caused a lot of problems. also I’m def repeating myself but “didn’t understand what Romantic Feelings actually were” covers every instance from him re: thinking he had a case of the Romos when he probably did not

yeah

that’s it???

takeaway: I was done fooling myself into holding onto something I didn’t even love (ftp Namiku being A “Canon” Ship) and also in my heart I want my son to be aromantic, please, let me have this

[rarmaster]

listen i’m just really passionate about repliku “literally had no way to learn what the healthy and proper conceptions of love and romance are because chain of memories was a fuckhole mess” -insert last name here-

[rarmaster]

the only bad news about not putting this chapter in riku’s pov is that we don’t get to see a couple of his thoughts that i think are kind of... important? but he wouldn’t say them aloud (understandably) so, well, rip

granted i do have an entire drafted convo between him and aerith on This Subject so maybe if i just write that for asas.....

[rarmaster]

i’ll talk about it more when the chapter goes up but this chapter is a lot of let the heart have what the heart wants, tbh, 

[rarmaster]

oh tfw you have some pretty deep thoughts that are good but a) these 15 y/os do not have the emotional capacity to articulate this, i think b) it’s a lot deeper than you want to dig into haha

[rarmaster]

also fuck me i opened this document and instantly waded into things a lot deeper than i, uh, intended (?) too??? it’s probably good that i remembered this shit but a quick scene turned into something a lot deeper and also i need to maybe remember to carry out this plotline, anyway, Hoo Boy

[rarmaster]

#justwriterthings: having to dig thru five different documents you have saved of potential ways this scene could go and scrounging up the good bits