6/9/14
Why do I have to be so stressed, so pissed, and so depressed everyday. I just want days where I want up being okay and actually wanting to get up and do something. Everyday I just hate waking up because I just hate everything and I feel so weak and so tired every single day. I get angry at my nephew because I feel I'm forced to watch him every single day and I just feel he kind of ruined my life right now. I get angry at my dogs because they always ruin something, always pissing on shit, always hurting me, and always getting in my way. Always angry at my cats because same thing, always piss on everything, and they've pissed on the walls... I love them all, but fuck.. I can't stand this.. and the house is so messy that I feel overwhelmed by everything.. Nephew, Animals, cleaning, trying to get a job, friends, life... I get angry at myself for eating, for being so fat... but I always end up eating cuz I tend to want to eat when I'm upset, stressed, sad, whatever... I can't get this girl out of my head and it hurts.. because I feel so helpless and worthless to her.. I always feel I'm like that to everyone I ever developed feelings for. So before even thinking anything, I instantly assume I'm not good enough because let's face it... I'm not. I feel I'm incapable of doing anything at all, I lower my expectations by attempting jobs at Mcdonalds, I never tried to join the Army because I believe I can never handle anything. I let everyone down, I'm a failure.. and I can't take this much more, and I know people have so many more problems but I can't handle this.. I'm weak..
