It's one of those Sundays that started out badly with my dad yelling at everyone and complaining about literally everything. It's also one of those days where I just want to lie under my blanket next to a cute guy with a happy face. Cleaning my room makes me very stressed out and anxious as well as overthinking. It can't stop thinking about some people I met this Summer in Greece and now I have found out how little they care for me. I'm not the kind of person who plays a role when I meet people and then act super ignorant when you contact me later. I get easily attracted to people, listen to them, give a lot of myself and care about them - given that I truly like them. I'm not vulnerable and naive in that way - I'm aware of people superficial nature and that things can change. It's just the feeling of their carelessness that is so disappointing. I thought I meant something for them but I guess I don't and I have to forgot them. 'Friends' are just not so easy not forget.
I still don't know what I want to do with my life and I overcomplicate everything. My plan is still to get a move, save a lot of money and move to Amsterdam. Omg, it's terrible because after I took molly two times I feel like I associate the Netherlands with that but that's not the reason I love the Netherlands. I like the people, the traditions and the edm scene there which is non existing in Denmark. I just want to get away from my little country with no possibilities and move to a country with a lot more traditions and culture and new people. I'm tired of the same people, however I'm not tired of my friends. I'm tired of my parents, and the times I have been on my own (out of my parents reach) have been the best times in my life.
There's not a day when I don't think about my mum and her problems.She is disappointed in me and have change into a hysterical bitch over the years freaking out about everything. I'm gonna wait many years before I get kids - if I get some and I will not raise my kids with anger, alcoholism and violent.
I'm so confused about everything with Paul. We don't anymore but we haven't said it to each other. I don't know if we are going to meet up. I don't want any relationship with a guy I can't see because of financial problems. I can friends outside Denmark and I love that but a boyfriend - no.
