Submission
Dear God,
I know that You exist, and I believe in You with all my faith
But why did You create such a being like me? An abject one, until
I myself couldn't even understand them
I was once happy. Too happy
But it was like in my other life, wasn't it?
Though in this creed of Yours, there's no such thing as other life
Every soul lives once, then dies. Am I mistaken?
If that so, was that happiness unreal? That I remembered?
Everything felt surreal, Dear God,
This sorrow, this void
How long has it been, I forgot
And it all felt surreal
Or maybe too realistic, until I could hardly believe it and sometimes
denied it into a mere illusion
My Dear God, I'm confused
Every time I reflect on it, any day, month, year, season, mood
I can always find You
There's this sense of sobriety and warmth, but
the cold world seems to always shred it again and again
It is the same pit of blackness, dragging me down mercilessly
Thank God everyone's eyes are shrouded
Or is it me doing God's work, the greatest of the black!
Oh look, I praise my crumbling self
Ha ha, what a jester
Maybe I'm too young
Twenty-one and arrived at the ending of the book
Twenty-one and undergone two thousand and one
My apology, Dear God, I won't ask You much
This one creation is wretched
You give them one, I'll ask thousands more
You give them billions, I'll cry for one dissatisfaction
Pathetic. Just please take it all, and don't spare me
So when the time comes, Dear God, my time
I beg You to make haste
I can endure crawling when everyone else is running
But I dare not to take my own life
When I'm tired of endless crawling, not knowing where to go
Dear God,
I'm only Yours
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally written in Indonesian: "Serah".
I probably will show you,
later.