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“Isond told me—my whole life, he told me that if I could help it, to make sure no one looked at me. It stuck. When Attie—Atticus—looks at me, I feel solid. For once, I don’t want to jump out of my own skin and hide somewhere. I wonder where his mind goes when he’s looking away, when he thinks no one is watching him. He told me he’d explore Yavin IV with me, when I told him Tatooine is all I know. His eyes are almost as clear as the water. And he’s gentle, and kind, when he doesn’t need to be, when he doesn’t owe me anything.
“Someone’s been leaving flowers for me in places—outside my door, around my workplace. I kept one tucked behind my ear—it was so pretty, I didn’t want to put it down—and when he saw me with it, his whole face turned bright red. He hasn’t said anything about them. I think I know.”
“Mathias has got the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. He has the most scars, too. I want him to tell me about the place we grew up, but… it feels like there’s so much blood there. I’ve dreamt of him before—a lot smaller, I think I’ve seen him with a lightsaber piercing through his chest. I’ve never told him that and I don’t know if I will. He’s half-wild, like me. He throws himself so recklessly into danger, every time I’m scared he’s not gonna come out of it—but he does. He does every time. I’m scared that he won’t, one day.
“Years ago, on Tatooine, I remember… there was this pain on my arm, so awful I almost felt like it’d been cut to the bone. When I checked there—there was nothing there. But it hurt. When Matt and I were training, I saw a scar in the exact same spot.”
“The way she looked at me when she first saw me—I’ll never forget that. I’ll never be able to get it out of my head. It felt like I’d swallowed a rock, when she just… I wish I could fix it. Whatever it is that’s broken. It was fine on Tatooine, for the most part, I—I was the only one hurting. But now people look at me, she looks at me, and I know there’s pain. I know I’ve forgotten something. Something very important. Noa is important; she’s warmth, and flowers. When I look at her, I want to rest my head on her shoulder.
“Someone told me once, on Tatooine, that if you close your eyes and hold a wish tighter than a closed fist in your chest, the stars might grant it. I’ve never wished so hard that I could remember. For her. Because, I think, she’s the one I’d want to remember most.”
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