"...And have not love”
My brother is gay. He came out about 2 years ago (to me) and a bit later to my parents. The conversations that we have had have been open, honest, and sometimes painful to either one of us. When Jonathan Doram got up on stage at chapel during my junior year at Andrews University, I was in awe. Here was a student saying that he was gay, at an Adventist university, in public, on stage, in front of everyone. I was proud of him for being willing to do that. When we had our student missions reentry retreat a few weekends later and he was there, I made it a direct point to go up to him and have a conversation.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure!”
“My brother just came out to me, he hasn’t told my parents yet, but I need to know what the best way is to support him.”
“Tell him you love him no matter what and that you support him”
It should be needless to say that my brother got a text later telling him I loved him no matter what.
My brother and I have had many conversations since, from what he wants to do, to how he came out to our parents and when. I haven’t always been the biggest fan of the choices he’s made or vice versa, but that is to be expected in any relationship, whether or not one of the parties identifies as LGBT.
When he came out, I went into “information, listening mode.” I made a direct point to listen more intently to anyone who had something to say regarding the LGBT community. I’ve done research and written papers, I’ve asked questions, and most importantly, I’ve listened. Without listening, there is no learning. And in all things, I have had love. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 says that, although I can do all these great things but have not love, I gain nothing, I am nothing. It seems that there are people who have entered into the conversations with the LGBT community to learn, which is good, however they don’t have the love that the situation requires. The reason I know I have this love is because of my brother. My brother is one of the best people I know and I will always, always, ALWAYS love him, no matter what. Because of him, I listen. Because of him, I ask questions. Because of him, I love. Without him, I would just be another apathetic listener, a passerby.
I am proud to call Andrews University my university. This is for several reasons. First, they strive towards excellence, as seen by the educational programs they offer. Second, it’s a beautiful campus and the people are great. Third, they strive to promote dialogues.
This strive to promote dialogues I, personally, find important because I have found in my experience with the Adventist Church, it is often hard to have dialogues about sensitive matters. The pure, simple fact that Andrews is fostering these conversations is important and vital to remember.
There is an unofficial LGBT group/club on campus called AULL4One. They have done numerous things to encourage conversations on our campus. Over the past few months, AULL4One has been researching a fundraiser to benefit LGBT homeless youth. They proposed the idea of this fundraiser to the dean of student life and were encouraged to proceed with their research. At some point during this time, a proposal was drafted and submitted.
AULL40ne’s proposal to raise money for Project Fierce, a group of people in Chicago who are striving to give LGBT homeless a half-way house, was ultimately denied.
The reason that the request was denied was because Project Fierce is an organization that is perceived to advocate gay rights. A right they have. With this advocacy, they are advocating for the ability for LGBT couples to be together and have same-sex.....sex. Because Andrews is an Adventist school, they uphold Adventist values and the stipulation stands that fundraisers on campus need to fall in line with those values and this particular form of “advocacy” is not something Andrews wants to condone.
I’m not trying to stir up more arguments, that is not my intention. I have been hearing and reading both sides of the situation at hand by reading what Eliel’s been posting and from working with members of the administration via my job. I prefer to stay out of conflict but I believe in logic and thinking things through in any given situation. I don’t have all the information and I don’t talk about every single thing that has happened at Andrews in this post. Only a few things that I have noticed. I expect those who read this to be logical and give me the same respect and love that I have and will continue to give them when they speak. I also believe that in order to be included in the conversation that follows these event, I must share at least part of my perspective.
My frustration is this. When this situation first came to light, a member of the LGBT community almost immediately ran to the press. One of the roles that AULL4One has taken, at this university, is that of facilitating conversation and giving members of their community a place to have a voice and so far, they have done that. So many LGBT community members have been victimized and AULL4One is a place for that victimization to be nonexistent. So, having one of their members, a founder, running to the press, without doing one of the things that forms the core of what their group says they foster, begs into question whether or not having a conversation is really that important to the individual and counterproductive to what they are striving to do (please note distinction between the word individual and group). I understand that playing up the victim may be part of who this person is, however I would rather give them the benefit of the doubt before assuming that they would purposely victimize themselves and the group they represent. You have every right to be angry. Here’s my dilemma. You have been given a beautiful platform to spread awareness within Adventism about your community. To be an advocate and to have your voice be heard. You are a leader in your community and an example. The role that has been taken, of going to the press first, seems to go against this. Also, following the controversy that has been happening, saying that you don’t want hate messages to be sent? What, then, was your purpose? Yes, there has been a step forward and a step back but this fact is not solely based on the actions of the University to uphold what they believe is right.
My second frustration. I greatly appreciate the statement sent out via email from our dear president Andreasen, who is in Africa right now. I appreciated the clarity and logic it provided. I also believe that Andrews has every right to not approve fundraisers because they are accountable to people that are higher than just the President. The talk that I have been hearing so far has turned this situation into an “us vs. them.” We have come so far! Why are we going back to this? I do understand the administrations apparent need to keep comments regarding the situation to a minimum as to not add more fuel to the fire. However, with just one statement and nothing else to show that you are willing and making an effort to be and stay in this conversation, you look like the peeved spouse who angrily throws evidence onto the table, then sits back and crosses your arms. You seem closed, unwilling to converse. Are you trying to hide something? Did you really not do any research about this organization and are simply making things up as excuses to not support an organization that openly supports, yet may not necessarily advocate for, LGBT homeless? Give us proof that your decision is valid and that Project Fierce is “going against” policy in the way you claim it is. Our generation is not as easy to please as you want us to be and we need you to show us where, exactly, you are getting your information from. We want to help people, we want to make a difference, we want to change the world. You, as a school, have told and challenged us to do just that and yet, here we are.
My suggestion is this. If there are, in fact, conversations that have happened and are happening, both the administration AND AULL4One need to make it known. It’s not enough for just one party to say it. We were never meant to be divided and I believe it is vital to show a unified front. Show us, all of you, that you are making an effort to stay in the game and the conversation. Don’t prove to us that the forward steps we have made together in the past were in vain. Show us that our decisions to be a part of what happens is worth it, by caring enough to converse and not throwing up your hands in exasperation. Show us that we mean more to you than just the money we pay to come to this school.
As to what side I’m on, I am on the side of logic, reason, and love. Both sides have shown an extent of these things although not enough to call me to either, permanently. I am an ally of my brother and I will support him. I am an ally of the I AM and the church that professes His name. I am an ally of the people who need help.
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angles, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
