#audreymgonzalez

[gwynne-fics]

Silent Scream, SLA pair

Secret Melody

From the way Sun-Jae paces, it is clear that he is nervous about the men in suits waiting to talk to her outside the Shatterdome’s infirmary. She stays still while Doctor Kang examines her with a tight smile. Doctor Kang keeps her voice low.

“The news broke during the fight. Several chaebol have been indicted in a corruption scandal. A few Admin people were taken away while you were out.”

Hye-Won doesn’t name any names. She knew this might happen when she sent the evidence to the prosecutors. Due diligence had caught her up in this. Sun-Jae wouldn’t handle it well if she left without him. Once Doctor Kang finishes, Hye-Won motions Sun-Jae over.

“This is routine. I used to handle the accounts. That’s why they want to talk to me.” His brow furrows but he doesn’t contest her words. He knows what she’s done. He’s proud of what she’s done. But he still doesn’t want to be separated from her.

The feeling is mutual. Now more than ever. The adrenaline from the fight entwines them. She would do anything to find this feeling again. No wonder pilots were leaping to their death to be close to their partners.

“You are protected by the program now,” he says it to remind her. Hye-Won stands and kisses them in front of so many people who know she is married to a loser. She laughs because that is the word Sun-Jae uses to describe him in his mind. “I’ll go with you.”

“Keep training.”

“Only with you.”

[gwynne-fics]

Silent Scream, IHYV pair

Mind Reader

“You worry so loudly,” Hye-Sung said once they got into their quarters. “My arm is fine.”

Soo-Ha frowned at her but it had been a very long day so he didn’t argue. He sat down on their bed and a moment later, flopped back to stare at the ceiling. He knew she was keeping her mind as quiet as she could but he could hear her worry anyway.

“I’m fine,” he said. “It was just a lot of thoughts. Cha Eun-Sang…” He laughed a little to himself. “I forgot she was mute so many times.”

The bed dipped when Hye-Sung sat down next to him. “She seemed nice. A little eager but definitely not like a sasaeng. Open up your hand and sit up. I’ve got pills and water for you.”

He obeyed her and kissed her cheek when it was clear she was adverting her gaze for him. He hadn’t told her yet that part of his headache came from knowing that her injury wasn’t completely healed. Hye-Sung wasn’t taking all of her pain medication like she should because she was afraid of the addiction.

He drained the glass and meant to go put it in their sink when she took it from him and did it for him. Soo-Ha caught her hand and squeezed gently. “I’m fine. I don’t need you to baby me. You are the one with a barely healed broken arm.”

He caught her wrinkling her nose and when she didn’t roll her eyes, he knew he had to push for a real answer. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you know how many things you carried for me over the last six months?”

“It isn’t important. We’re a team and you took that hit for me. I love you. That means I don’t count the number of dishes or other things I did for you when you couldn’t.” He tugged her to sit back down next to him. “You aren’t weak, Jang Hye-Sung. Stop thinking it.”

“Stop reading my mind.” She laid her head on his shoulder and he put his arm around her. “It isn’t fair.” Before he could protest, she kissed his cheek and darted away to take care of the glass. Soo-Ha gave up trying to convince her. She came to bed after turning out the lights. “I love you, too.”

He smiled and curled around her, mindful of her arm, until she said, “It’s over six hundred, you know. That’s when I lost count.”

“You are the worst. I had no idea what you were counting and it drove me crazy. Tomorrow you are getting another scan of your arm. No arguments.”

“Okay,” she whispered. “No arguments.”

[gwynne-fics]

Silent Scream, 2, Nam-soon & Heung-soo

They may not understand you, but I do. 

It is the first thing he hears in the Drift and pure jealousy bursts through Nam-Soon faster than he can lock it down. The person saying it is Rachel and he hates it beyond all measure.

Heung-Soo feels it and Nam-Soon just smiles tightly as they get their bearings, in an attempt to gloss over his insecurity. He didn’t even know it was there until this moment. There is no way Yoo Rachel understands Heung-Soo more than he does.

Later, when they are in their room, Heung-Soo says, “Am I supposed to be jealous of every lover you’ve had? Or is it different because she’s a girl and I loved her?”

“I don’t want you to feel that way.” Nam-Soon crosses the room and crouches down in front of Heung-Soo and takes his hands in his. It never occurred to him that his boyfriend might have similar insecurities to him when it came to this relationship. He just always seemed so confident and sure of himself. “I’m sorry. I just...I’m sorry.”

“She said that after my mom and sister found out about you. They thought she fixed me, Nam-Soon, and they were upset I’m still bisexual.” Heung-Soo pulls his hands away and lays down on his cot. He turns his back to Nam-Soon and he feels like shit.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. This time he climbs into the bed with Heung-Soo and spoons up behind him. “It won’t happen again. I do understand you. I love you.”

The silence is heavy until Heung-Soo says, “I love you, too.”

[gwynne-fics]

Silent Scream, 34, Hye-won & Sun-jae

“Don’t test me.”

Her warning goes unheeded. Sun-Jae only has two sponsors wanting him to model for products. They don’t often get released from the Shatterdome to make visits like this to Seoul. Hye-Won spends a lot of the time during their trip trying to get more contracts only to be shut down.

So she anonymously (but with proper documentation backing her up if she becomes part of the investigation) sends the one document that will tie Choi Dong-Wook to the lowest level of embezzlement. Pil-Won’s name is included on this document. Lee Esther’s is not but she will see the warning for what it is.

Sun-Jae catches the small cracks of anger through her careful mask after she sends off the evidence. He sits beside her on the bed and takes her hand. He gently massages her palm and wrists in silence.

“You should do these contracts with me. Jaeger pilots come in pairs and we’ll most likely be sent out to fight the next kaiju.”

“We still don’t have a have a call sign.” She lays her head on his shoulder. It is so much easier now to lean on him and accept the warmth he offers. She hasn’t thought about her husband or this affair in weeks.

“What about Secret Melody?” She likes it. Hye-Won looks up at him and takes a deep breath as she nods. He doesn’t have to detail how they will explain it because anyone can tell gossip sites that they sneak off to play the piano together when they should be training.

Hye-Won is in a makeup chair the next day when Lee Esther calls her. “Undo what you did and I will personally have Zeus Hotels and RS International sponsor him.”

“It is too late. I have calls into three other companies that haven’t responded. Have them approach me by the end of the day and I won’t send the next document implicating you.”

“Oh Hye-Won--”

“I warned you,” she says. “You touched him and now you see the consequences. Close of business is in six hours. I want all three contracts. Get working, President Lee.”

[gwynne-fics]

Silent Scream, Nam-soon/Heung-soo, 32

looking back

“You’re thinking too much.” Heung-Soo’s voice is heavy and slow in the middle of the dark night. Nam-Soon honestly thought he was asleep until he shifted and found his…whatever they were now…curled up behind him. He remembered falling asleep this way. He remembered the sex very clearly. “Stop putting pressure on it.”

“I’m not putting pressure on it.” Heung-Soo’s hand was so close to his, that he tentatively fit his fingers in between Heung-Soo’s. He tried not to smile when Heung-Soo held his hand. After all, they’d just done something a lot more intimate than hand holding.

“You don’t know how not to put pressure on anything.” Nam-Soon was tempted to roll over when Heung-Soo lightly bit his shoulder. “You always need to define it. Remember the first time we fucked? You wouldn’t stop asking questions.”

“I like to know where the lines are. This is a big deal and I don’t want to fuck it up.”

Heung-Soo was quiet for nearly a minute. “Look at me.” 

Nam-Soon sighed before he rolled over to look at Heung-Soo. He hated feeling like the needy one, the one who always had to be reassured, the weak one without any courage. Heung-Soo half sat up and stared him down in the dark.

“We’re together again. This means we can figure it out. It means I forgive you. It means we’re compatible again. It means if you reach for me I won’t push you away. I’m done punishing us. I’ve had enough. What does it mean for you?”

It meant that he was okay. It meant that he could finally come home. It meant that he started crying. He looked away but Heung-Soo brought him back and kissed him.

He was glad he didn’t have to say anything. And he stopped looking back.

[gwynne-fics]

Silent Scream, Esther + Hye-won, 88

reality doesn’t work that way

“Being a pilot won’t protect you,” Lee Esther says to her and Hye-Won can’t help but smile as she keeps her gaze on the office floor. 

“You aren’t going to report Pil-Won or me,” she replies calmly. “You would have to admit to a bigger crime. This has nothing to do with me being a pilot, except that I’m out of this scheme. I won’t do it anymore. Find someone else.”

Lee Esther watches her with cold, cruel eyes as she leans back in her chair. Hye-Won has long learned not to make eye contact with people who believe they have the right to trillions and trillions of won.

“If you do not continue, if you do not stop working for Pil-Won and start working for me, I will kill all sponsorship aimed at Lee Sun-Jae. The sponsors don’t care about you but he is a very attractive, beautiful, and strong man. They are dying to get him on their posters and in their advertisements. I will kill all offers, Oh Hye-Won.”

You’re a good person, Sun-Jae whispers to her late at night as if making love to him isn’t the epitome of selfishness. You will do the right thing.

He would want her to refuse Lee Esther, even though her stomach goes cold. Pilots like Sun-Jae need sponsors to survive the program. She presses her lips together. “If you touch him, I will turn all the evidence over to the prosecutors investigating you.”

[gwynne-fics]

Silent Scream, Hye-won/Sun-jae, 42

loyalty

She can’t sleep after her brief meeting with Pil-Won over the investigation into the Shatterdome’s accounts. She sat there, silently, listening to all the reasons why she should protect them, before an old bitterness wells up. She tries to distract the dread growing in her heart with training, playing the piano with Sun-Jae, or making love to the young man that makes her feel alive.

She has been so loyal for so long and now they want her to go to prison in their place. Just a few years. We will take you back when it is finished. We already have an estate in your name. It’s not like the program needs you.

Hye-Won laughs at her indecision. She is not loyal to Pil-Won and Sung-Sook, she is loyal to herself. She always has been. She is not like Sun-Jae with his ideals about right and wrong. It doesn’t matter he always tells her after they Drift. I love you.

He catches her discomfort after she is summoned to the mainland to speak with Lee Esther and Choi Dong-Wook. Sun-Jae tenderly, always tenderly, looks in her eyes when she quietly thinks through her problems. “You are a good person. You will do the right thing. I will be here when you do.”

If she is loyal to herself then herself chooses Sun-Jae and all that implies. She didn’t know she had a heart that wants to be good.

[gwynne-fics]

Silent Scream, Nam-soon and Seung-hoon, 130

final stand

Heung-Soo caught Nam-Soon’s fist and twisted him away from the solid metal door before he could break his hand punching it. Nam-Soon let out a guttural scream that he chose not to take personally. He just wrapped him up in a tight hug that probably felt like a submission from Nam-Soon’s point of view. Heung-Soo waited until he wore himself out before letting go.

“They can’t do this!” He shouted at Heung-Soo and pushed him away. “It’s wrong! People are going to die. The throat is still functional! That wall is not going to hold back a Jaeger, let alone a kaiju. This is the stupidest decision the council could make.”

“I know,” he agreed and tried to get Nam-Soon to sit down. “Decommissioning the Jaeger program is wrong. But they aren’t going to let us keep Tsunami to defend people on our own. There is nothing we can do about this.” 

“It’s fucking wrong, bastard, and you know it.”

“I do.” He sat down next to Nam-Soon and tried to rub at his back to calm him down. It normally worked but not today.

He wished people could see this side of Nam-Soon. All they saw was the playful arrogance that made their team famous. They saw the Tsunami but not the man in the eye of the storm. 

They didn’t see how much Nam-Soon cared about people. They didn’t see how he made sure the Jaeger techs had enough coffee in the middle of the night or the way his mind constantly worked to minimize collateral damage during battle even to the detriment of their Jaeger.

“You’re staring at me,” he grumbled at Heung-Soo just as the proximity meter went off. A few moments later, Commander Jung called all pilots to their Jaegers. “Stop it.”

“At this rate, they may not have time to decommission us. I think the kaiju are coming faster.” He stood and started suiting up. “Let’s go, bastard.”

Nam-Soon put on his own gear and they started to jog towards their Jaeger. Silent Scream passed them with their men in tow. Eun-Sang hadn’t taken the news much better than Nam-Soon. this was going to be a rough battle.

As they were getting strapped into their harness, he heard Nam-Soon whisper something before the neural handshake was complete. Heung-Soo’s eyes stung as the feeling hit him hard in the chest.

I love you, too, bastard. He closed his eyes as their Jaeger came to life. We’re not done, you idiot. We don’t need the program to keep us together now. We’ll figure it out. I promise.