#aug 2025 progress report

[personallifegoals]

[personallifegoals]

Slept OK last night, getting to bed and falling asleep, no hassle whatsoever. Woke up at 430 as mom was going to bed. Made the foolish foolish mistake of believing I could roll on to my side, hit my vape and go right back to sleep. Nicotine and then having to pee, and then getting some water because if you're up, you might as well. I was awake awake by 500 despite trying to get back to sleep. Tonight plan to try a new habit of putting the vape somewhere I have to get up to hit it before I go to sleep since tooth brushing feels established well enough now.

Worked a bit on making my journal more what I want it to be. Thinking about that paper bag book I saw in YouTube shorts, gotta track that down. Did some origami, had tea, and took my pills.

Took Eliot out around 530, just took Eliot and Lola out. Did a little your baby is so cute, your dogs are so cute small talk exchange with a neighbor. The kids were only a little obnoxious, so overall a succesful morning walkie.

Did tea, pills, dogs, eat breakfast and morning journaling all 2 hours earlier than I'd usually get done.

[personallifegoals]

OK, a life plan cannot only be the Goals.

My starting point:

Unemployed (for 10 months, just had to count it, Jesus christ)

No income

Very little money (like $15 if I scrounge all the $2 and $1.50 account balances together)

Trying to claw myself out of a depression pit (I was hospitalized in November)

No routines in life besides taking my pills at night and in the morning.

Very little hygiene in my life all together, just barely don't have matting hair (yet).

I know from past experience that I gotta start small, like one new habit every 3 days or so. Last night, I brushed my teeth for the first time in about a month, so right now the plan is aim for teeth brushing every night for the next 2 nights, and then we'll add the next thing.

I gotta get a shower in soon. Honestly feel like if someone says hey, you need to take a shower and I'd just take care of it. Gonna smoke when I get done with this, maybe I'll just jump into the shower then. Dream scenario I finish this post, smoke, take a nice shower and wash my bedding since I don't have any to just swap them out for. Set an alarm for 3 hours and check back in.

I've got to work on the plans too, give myself a path forward to keep myself going.

So step 1 in plan is build habits: current progress, I have pretty consistently written SOMEthing every day since I started this project. We're gonna get teeth brushing in on the do everyday. Need to work on things like washing dishes as soon as I am done with them, and try to get showering to at least every 3 days.

While working on that, I should be getting at least one job application a day in, keep writing, keep working toward starting streaming.

OK, I'm gonna go smoke. Wish me luck, check on me in 3 hours.

[personallifegoals]

Ashley Johnson in a time loop, come back to this idea later.

Cheese and rice and dogs struggle meal is suboptimal.

Wrote a whole long ass slides presentation to try to explain to Dave exactly what's going on in my brain.

Rice meal will benefit from pre cooked frozen rice.

To do list:

Cook, portion, and freeze rice

Mom's room

Figure out if presentation is really the way I want to have this (series) of conversation with Dave.

Food pantry

Stream conversation with Dave?

Record and edit and post?

Always keep up all the small ways to always be trying for my goals

[personallifegoals]

Per Project Gutenberg's Terms of Use, please always link to the project at the Main Landing Page at gutenberg.org

Check out the site for cool ways to volunteer and donate!

https://www.howtopronounce.com/sligo

Things to look up and research:

parvenu.

Lady Wilde's Ancient Legends

Miss Letitia Maclintock and Mr. Douglas Hyde

school of Walsh and Callanan

Drumahair or for Drumcliff

Parochial survey of Ireland

Czech Women's Names

The long tale of Dierdre

ancient MSS

the Royal Dublin Society

the Hackets of Castle Hacket, Galway

John-o'-Daly of Lisadell, Sligo,

mine FOR ESEARCH PROJECTS

Parochial Survey of Ireland

Things I'm either confused, curious or clueless about after reading the smallest and itsy bitsyiest amount of Yeats during stream

[personallifegoals]

I think I fully skipped a couple days. I'm having trouble adding balls into the juggling routine, I think it's fair to shift and let some things hang to focus on one thing for a day or two. Had an idea for a fiction project and mostly focused on that a while. I'm doing my best to at least give myself as much of a scaffolding as I can so that when days when I just have to trudge through life I have plenty of places to jump into keeping things on track. I'm trying to get as much of what's in my head when I feel like I'm at my best of loving being alive so that when I'm at my lowest again I have something of a road map for getting back to the place where it feels good again.

I'm trying to give the darkness some room to breathe as well, pretending it doesn't happen just makes the holes I fall into that much deeper, and giving it purpose, trying to find the lessons, and how to actually grow from them. It's hard sometimes, I write as much as I can, and then as soon as I can't stand it anymore I back off, kick the work down the road a bit. Like emotionally checking a stove by getting as close to the burner as possible over and over again.

Tried streaming for the first time. It was mostly just trying to figure a couple things out, then muttering to myself while I did a crossword puzzle.

I wanna make a morning/ streaming routine checklist and make checking things off the list part of the stream.

Incorporate the bingo idea. Make the point of the stream documenting my progress and process of making my dreams come true, you know. Build keeping the goals in mind right into the thing.

Anyway. Got tea and pills, and dog and fiction times in before starting streaming. And now I know how to go live. Gotta learn more about incorporating all the elements I want in the stream. I'll maybe watch some videos along that vein today.

I've managed to keep teeth brushing in the evening routine too, gotta figure out how to get showers into the rotation.

[personallifegoals]

[personallifegoals]

I think I wanna design my own journal. Should I do it like the aesthetic diy girlies on this site? I like the idea of putting the effort and thought and personal touch of doing it myself, and maybe I'll start doing what I can with what I find in the apartment, but I also want something that is already preloaded with check lists for me, I want to turn my life into a mobile rpg game like WOS where I can interactively snipe out my daily tasks.

Like what shape exactly does this idea take? I want the journal to be part of it. I want sliders for my current vibe that changes what the app looks like, and like a pop quiz where I answer questions that track my mood, remind me of ideas I wanna focus on right now, and can show me graphs and time lines and just like a ton of incomprehensible data. But I also want a little leather-bound book with pages just big enough that filling them is neither intimidating nor trivial. I want to be able to collate all the weird little side journals I'm doing (this blog, my main, my two other side blogs, the emails I'm sending to myself, and the world's driest slide shows) into one long winded document that I can archivally seal in world's securest vault for some future historian to unravel.

I keep losing track of my ideas in the middle of paragraphs.

Where do I start? Do I design a journal to publish for Amazon? Amazon is the devil, are there other services that do the self-publishing print to order thing? There has to be, so, design it? Also, look into non Amazon self publishing? Just start doing the aesthetic shit in the current journal making the supplies I can find here? Start learning how to make games (both coding the games and the psychology that makes playing those games so easy for me to get sucked into).

Really feel like I didn't do much of anything today.

Cleaned up a mess, smoked, tried real hard to come up with the motivation to make plans, got vapes and boba with Cat, smoked again, ate some pizza. Hopefully tomorrow I wake up I feeling fresher than I did today.