Character(s): Stone and August Word Count: 606
trigger warnings: parental loss, grief
It was weird being back there, standing in that spot all over again. Truth be told, Stone hadn't been back since the funeral. He had kept in touch with Milay, checked in with some of the others from time to time, but it had been...hard. Harder than he had expected.
Even now, it was still hard.
The fallen leaves crunched under his feet, the breeze carrying that first hint of brisk cold to come. He pulled the jacket closer, closing his eyes and pretending he could still find Chase's scent on it. It had been the only thing he had grabbed from the house before heading back home.
"I'm not good at this, you know? Never had to learn before." He was the first to "die" in his biological family and, from what Peri had told him, his mother and sister didn't have graves to visit.
August hadn't wanted that for them and Stone was more appreciative of that fact than he had realized.
Riley had offered to come with him, hadn't wanted him to be alone, but this was something he had felt the need to do himself. It was something Vera had suggested the last time he had checked in with her.
He had told her no at first, but the idea had buried itself deep and so, here he was, standing at that grave and trying to figure out what he was even supposed to say.
"I wasn't a great kid for you guys. I know you were trying your best, trying to help, but I wasn't in a place where I could accept that at the time. Should have checked in more after I took off and started really sorting myself out but I...I think I was afraid to. I was still afraid of what I was on some level. Knew you were still afraid of Aug--papa, on some level. Thought that if I started to really accept what I was, what I had survived, you might look at me differently. Didn't think I could handle that."
And maybe Stone's fears were right on some level, maybe he was completely wrong. It was something he'd never know the answer to and a part of him regretted that. Regretted that he'd never know for sure. That none of them would ever be able to say for sure because of how unpredictable things could get in the house.
"Probably shouldn't have waited until you died to say it, but, thank you. Thank you for being the kind of dad I had needed when I didn't feel like I could breathe. Thank you for being my dad at all."
His voice cracked at the last few words, hands clenched into tight fists as he fought his breathing, tried to do anything but cry. He might have managed had he not felt a hand touch his shoulder, gentle but certain, moments before August spoke.
"He loved you, kid. He loved all of you in his own way. He wasn't always the best at saying it or showing it, but he did. You two were a lot alike in that regard."
Something in his other father's words broke that last bit of restraint and Stone turned, lower lip trembling and eyes glossy before he pitched forward, knowing August would catch him as tears finally spilled over.
"I'm sorry, papa, I'm sorry," he wept, clinging to the only real parent he had left, listening to the soft murmur of "it's okay, you're okay" as he finally accepted the comfort he had pushed away since the day Del had brought him to Chase and August all those years ago.