#august 1 2005

[anxious-black-hottie]

[samurairobotics]

UNITED KINGDOM - AUGUST 01: Photo of SLIPKNOT and Paul GRAY and Joey JORDISON; (#2) Paul Gray and (#1) Joey Jordison - posed, studio (Photo by Mick Hutson/Redferns)

[weaknature]

August 1, 2005.

 My family had had a beach house up at Lake Winnipesaukee for a few years. We would go up there and stay the week sometimes. I was only seven years old that Monday morning in August when my sister Myah, my brother Derek, my two cousins Kylie and Jordan and my grandmother Ellen decided to go up there for the week. We packed up the car and left. 

Now I was sitting in the back in the middle, Myah and Kylie on opposite sides of me. Derek and Jordan were sitting together in the front seat. We were all buckled up and ready to go.

We got onto the highway and everyone drifted asleep accept for Myah. She remembers seeing my grandmother fall over on top of Jordan and Derek. I woke up when the car began to violently jerk back and forth while we smashed through the guardrails and into a massive tree, in the process I slammed my head into the middle compartment in between the driver's seat and passenger's seat and I fell unconscious. 

The next thing I remember is waking up about 50 yards away from the fiery, smoking car next to Myah and Kylie. Myah told me that she had pulled everyone out except for my grandmother and Derek. She hadn't pulled out Derek from the car because he was unconscious and, what she didn't know at the time, had fractured his skull and was on the brink of death. It's a very fortunate thing that she didn't pull him out of the car because if she had she would've hurt his head and he probably would've died right then and there.

I looked to the car and saw EMT's and paramedics all around the front of the car. I saw them put a white sheet over my grandmother. Of course, I was only seven and had no idea what that meant. I asked Myah and she said to "keep her warm." I know now that it was because she died on impact.

As for the rest of us we got transported to Elliot's hospital and we were fine, with minor scraped and bruises and fractures. Except for Derek; he was air lifted to Boston's Children's hospital where he spent about a month getting treatment for his fractured skull.

Looking back on this now, exactly seven years later, I struggle with the fact that I almost lost my big brother. He truly means everything to me and he is my best friend. 

I lost my grandmother. She was everything to me and I can't help but wonder if I made her happy with the things I have done in my life. I just wish I could have some closure. I want to know if she's proud of me, if I have made her proud to be my grandmother.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KPu7QhYY_0

I miss you so much.