So for this post, I worked with Charlie and we created a set of questions about being nonbinary and what that means to us. On their blog, we answered the questions for the “Gender Tag” so you should go check that too!
Regular text is me and italicized is Charlie.
1. How do you manage your dysphoria?
The thing that I've found that works best is just distracting myself. If I put all of my focus on something else I can keep my mind off of my dysphoria until it gets better. I tend to listen to music really loud. And I'll also put on baggy sweat-shirts or I'll put on a sports bra.
My tactic when it comes to dysphoria is to try not to focus on it. It comes up at the weirdest times and usually there’s not a lot that I can do about it. I try to avoid things that make me aware of it like looking at myself in a mirror for too long, or taking photos. My dysphoria is very weird because one day I’ll love an outfit and another day it will make me feel totally trapped and disgusting. I also have a lot of dysphoria about the way my body is physically and I also feel a lot more comfortable in sports bras than I do in regular ones.
2. How did people react when you came out? Has their viewpoint on you/your identity changed since you came out?
Everyone has been extremely supportive. I had one friend tell me that she wasn't that surprised after I came out to her which was interesting. I got a lot of hugs too. And as far as changes go I am certainly closer with some of my friends because my coming out sparked a serious conversation and we've definitely bonded over the trust I showed.
I don’t really know how to answer this one because I haven’t really came out to a lot of people yet. I’ve finally fully came out as gay to the people around me (most of the reactions I have gotten were supportive) and I feel like I’m not quite ready to come out a second time. Part of this is because I am worried about how some of the people in my life will react.
3. What’s the hardest part about being nonbinary?
Explaining it is one of the hardest parts to me. Bcuz I never know if my explanation will make sense or if they'll accept my explanation and me. Especially when I come out to older people who have never heard the word before there's always that small part of me that worries that they'll think I'm making it up.
For me one of the hardest parts is when people call me by the wrong pronouns or call me a girl. It always makes me feel very uncomfortable, irritated, and sad, all at the same time. It’s very frustrating because I’m not out yet so I can’t get mad about it, but I also know that when I am out I probably won’t ever have the courage to correct someone anyway.
4. What does the term nonbinary mean to you specifically?
This one is kind of hard to explain. Because it's just as difficult to explain what girl means as it is to explain what nonbinary means. To me, it's just who I am. It's my gender identity and it's something that helps me express myself and feel more comfortable with who I am.
To me nonbinary just means that I don’t identify as a specific gender. I’m not a boy or a girl, I exist outside of the gender binary and am perfectly happy existing without having to be labeled as one thing or the other.
5. How does your gender identity relate to your gender expression/presentation?
I tend to dress more androgynously because that helps me feel validated in my gender and it makes misgendering me more confusing for people so it happens less because they don't know what to call me. My expression is all dependent on how I feel that day.
I also tend to dress more androgynously. I don’t do this because I feel like I have to. I firmly believe that one’s gender expression doesn’t have to directly relate to their gender identity. I know ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ people who are nonbinary. I know ‘masculine’ trans girls and ‘feminine’ trans guys. However I do prefer to dress androgynously because dressing that way makes me feel happy. Sometimes I lean more towards ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’ but on most days I am somewhere in the middle.
6. How did you feel when you first realized that you might be nonbinary?
I was scared shitless I am not going to lie to you. Because the second I realized I wasn't a girl I knew my entire life was going to change. I knew there was a chance people wouldn't accept me for it and that was just something I'd have to deal with. But at the same time, I was relieved. I finally had a name for what I was feeling. I didn't have to use the term “tomboy” anymore. I had an identity. So regardless of the fear, I felt it was still one of the best moments of my life.
Honestly for me it was kind of a relief. For the past maybe half of a year I had truly been questioning everything, my gender, my sexuality, and when I learned the term nonbinary it just felt right. The fact that there was a name to what I was feeling made me feel the tiniest bit better. Soon after I realized that I did actually prefer the pronouns they/them. However another part of me was terrified as hell because I didn’t know what to do with this information because I didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell anyone.
trishayearwood: Rate YOUR summer: On a scale of 1-10, my summer so far is a _. (#TsCoffeeTalk LIVE with Trisha on Facebook resumes on August 19th) #Summer #OOTD #TrishasKitchen
