#nonbinaryproblems

[bedazzled-garlic-bread]

I don't even know what my gender expression is anymore. Like, I want to dress masculine but in a feminine way, and feminine in a masculine way-

[nonbinaryproblems]

Sexism Meets Racism: Native American Women Live a Different Truth Than White Women

Introduction

While there is a general assumption that all women experience in the same way - or at least very similarly - that completely dismisses the fact that race plays a huge factor in the way women are treated. Sexism and racism tend to go hand in hand and it’s irresponsible as activists to ignore that. Women of color are constantly dealing with both issues and that comes with endless harmful stereotypes. Just to name a few: “black women are angry”, “hispanic women are housekeepers”, “muslim women who wear hijabs are oppressed”, and “indigenous women are inherently promiscuous.” If we continue to assume that all women walk through life experiencing the same set of problems, we’ll miss out on so many ways we can help them fight for the rights they deserve. Indigenous women in particular are constantly being belittled and erased from the conversation so the goal of this paper is to not only educate on the problems they face in their daily lives but to also call for social change.

General Context

The Coalition to Stop Violence Against Native Women wrote an article about “MMIWG2S - Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, Girls, and Two Spirit” in which they detail the horrible odds native women face. The article explains that murder is the 3rd leading cause of death for native women between the ages of 10 and 24 years old and the 5th leading cause of death for women ages 25 to 34 years old (CSVANW, 2022). In comparison to white women of the same age, for whom homicide is the 6th leading cause of death. Native women begin life at a disadvantage because they are so much more likely to be killed. In addition to that, a research article called “Violence Against Native Women” written by Roe Bubar and Pamela Jumper Thurman (2004) provides even more important context. Bubar and Thurman explain that “an intimate partner raped Native women at a 15.9% victimization rate” and “nearly 75% of Native American and Alaska Native female homicide victims are killed by someone they know” (p.72). These numbers show that not only is the violence coming from outside their communities, it’s also coming from within. It’s almost impossible to escape violence as a Native woman - especially in this day and age - because it has become such a large part of their lives and deaths.

A good amount of the issues that women face are because of their gender, but there’s a terrible disparity between races. It’s so unfortunate that this is the world we live in but it’s also so important that we bring awareness to this issue. White people - women specifically - have to take a step back and acknowledge the privilege they have because of their race. They have to take part in the fight to get Native women the rights they already have. This problem will never be solved if no one even knows it’s happening.

In addition to constantly dealing with violence, Native women also face financial problems even when they’re full time employees. Lean In wrote an article titled “Native American women face a pay gap—and that’s part of a much bigger problem” in which they explain just how much the wage gap affects Native women. The article explains that Native American women earn 40% less than white men which is also 20% less than white women (Lean In, 2022). Some of the long term effects of this gap are obvious - such as the fact that they’re missing out on about 1 million dollars in income compared to white men. But some are less obvious. For example, almost 3 in 5 Native mothers are the breadwinners (online the western stereotype of men holding that role) which means that they’re unable to provide for their family because the system literally does not let them (Lean In, 2022). Native women are at a disadvantage no matter what job they hold and their families are suffering for it. While all women experience an awful wage gap, women of color feel the consequences much more than white women.

Personal Experiences

It would be hypocritical to talk about solving the problems that Native women are facing without sharing their own personal stories. Esther G. Belin (1999) is a famous Diné artist and writer and she’s most well known for her work From the Belly of my Beauty which is a collection of her poems. One in particular stood out, “Euro American Womanhood Ceremony”, and in it Belin tells the story of how Native Americans were forcefully removed from their reservations and forced into American boarding schools. She says, “[the girls] were trained to specialize in domestic household work to mimic the rituals of Euro-American women” (Belin, 1999). Women are “expected” to be housekeepers in western society but that’s not exactly the case for Native women, at least not in their cultures. That makes it even more devastating that these young women were forced into these roles. They were taken off the reservations and made to conform to societal standards that weren’t their own. So even though it’s unfortunate that white women have to deal with this stereotype, at least they weren’t stolen from their homes and then forced into it. Later on in the poem, Belin (1999) talks about the “womanhood ceremony” they were supposed to have on the reservation. They had their own way of doing things and the girls were robbed of this beautiful experience to celebrate growing older with their family and their community. This isn’t to say that white women don’t experience problems because of this stereotype, but it’s twice as unfair that native women have to deal with both the stereotype and the trauma of being forcibly removed from their homes.

Another common misconception about native people is that due to their lack of written history, their experiences aren’t as valid. A great example of this is shown in a poem written by Ophelia Zepeda (2008) called “Birth Witness” from her book Where Clouds are Formed. In this poem, Zepeda (2008) talks about how her birth is not seen as “real” in the Western world simply because she doesn’t have a birth certificate or documentation of it. She explains that her language is “too civil for writing. It is too civil for writing minor things like my birth” (Zepeda, 2008). She is forced to conform to the standards set by people who don’t know her culture in order to have even a chance of success. If there was more education about their language and their way of doing things, maybe there would be systems in place to prevent this from happening to more people. But instead, Native people are constantly having to explain themselves or just accept that no one will ever take the time to truly understand. The documentary A Thousand Voices (2014) shares many different stories from Native women of different backgrounds and how they are adapting to living in a Western society. One in particular stood out, a story told by a man about his grandmother. He talks about how she always put on a brave front in the face of bullying in discrimination because she wanted to teach him “a lesson of compassion. And a lesson of strength” (A Thousand Voices, 2014). However, as inspiring as that story is, it’s also a bit sad. Outside of their community, there is an assumption that women are weaker and quieter and in order to protect their family, they have to fit that as best as they can. His grandma could have stood up for herself and her grandson but it was just easier to walk away. She was limited by the way society expects her to act. So yes, this man was taught a lesson of strength and compassion but he was also shown how damaging stereotypes can be. He describes his grandmother as a strong leader and beautiful woman and she is all of those things, but she’s forced to live in a white centric world which means that she can’t be that all of the time which is sad.

Racism on Film

One of the best places to see examples of the different ways women are mistreated due to their race would be film. It’s common for a woman to be background characters on film and play nothing but a love interest, but it’s a little bit different for Native women due to the many stereotypes at the disposal of the writers. The time period a movie is made can also play a big part in the treatment of the female characters in it. For example, Stagecoach, a film directed by John Ford in 1939, has a shameful portrayal of women of color. Despite the main “villain” of the film being the Apaches, there is only one Native woman who’s given a speaking role. And for the most part, all she does is break up the plot of the movie with a song (Stagecoach, 1939). This scene serves little to no purpose and it seemed like all the writers were trying to do was make her look and sound beautiful. Native women are often sexualized both on film and in real life and this movie is no exception. Even in a movie that’s supposedly about Native Americans, their roles are lackluster, stereotypical, and demeaning.

In comparison to Stagecoach, Drunktown’s Finest has a more modern yet just as depressing depiction of the treatment Native women experience. One of the characters, Felixia, is transgender and the audience gets to see how she navigates the world as a trans woman of color. Felixia is a sex worker and she uses her gender identity and her race to her advantage and seeks out men who fetishize women like her (Drunktown’s Finest, 2014). Given the fact that his film was made in the 21st century, it’s message is slightly better than Stagecoach because at least in this one, the Native woman isn’t just a sexual being. Felixia is actually given a personality and we see how the horrible treatment affects her. In one scene, she’s auditioning for a Native American women calendar and the other contestants make a transphobic joke at her expense and she runs off crying (Drunktown’s Finest, 2014). Even though she doesn’t fight back at this moment, Felixia is not written as a weak woman. By the end of the film, she embraces all that she is, including her culture, and doesn’t let her mistreatment rule her life.

Systems of Oppression

As previously stated about the wage gap, there are systems of oppression in place in our world that don’t allow Native women to succeed. One that affects almost every aspect of their lives is healthcare. It’s already well known that women are often not believed by doctors or their problems are brushed off with commands to “lose a few pounds.” However, when a woman of color goes to the doctor she has to deal with that on top of the fact that many doctors are either not trained to treat or diagnose patients that aren’t white or they’re just racist. A research article called In Plain Sight: Addressing Indigenous-Specific Racism and Discrimination in B.C. Health Care written by Dr. Mary Ellen Turpel-Lafond explains the ways in which indigenous women are discriminated against at doctors’ offices. Dr. Turpel-Lafond (2020) lists the many stereotypes that are inflicted upon these women and they include but are not limited to: “‘Less Worthy’ of Care”, “Drinkers/Alcoholics”, and “Irresponsible/Non-compliers” (p. 21). These women have to walk into the office knowing that without even having the chance to introduce themselves, people will assume they know everything there is to know about them. That can make it incredibly difficult to argue on your behalf and fight for the treatment you deserve. In fact, Dr. Turpel-Lafond (2020) mentions that these stereotypes lead to “inappropriate/no pain management”, “rough treatment”, and “medical mistakes” (p. 22). Imagine trying to get help for a chronic illness or even something as simple as the common cold and being shamed, not believed, and even harmed by your doctor. That’s the truth that these women have to live each time they try to get help. That can lead to a mistrust of doctors, and the healthcare system in general, and they might begin to put off going to the doctor all together and not receive possibly life saving medical help.

Another place that indigenous women have to deal with racist systems is college. College is supposed to be a place of new opportunities and learning, yet so many people are shunned, discriminated against, and not given a fair chance to have those experiences. A research article written by Brenna L. Greenfield titled Understanding measures of racial discrimination and microaggressions among American Indian and Alaska Native college students in the Southwest United States explains the long term effects of such treatment. She writes, “greater exposure to discrimination on each measure had small but significant associations with more substance use, lower income, and poorer self-rated physical health” (Greenfield, 2021). This kind of discrimination has become so normalized it’s almost expected that these women experience it, yet no one is talking about what it’s really doing to them. They are at higher risk for drug problems and being poor just because they choose to go to college as indigenous women. This isn’t something that’s going to change overnight, because clearly this is a structural problem. There needs to be a larger discussion and colleges have to step up and start shutting down students who think it’s ok to treat others like this.

Conclusion

bell hooks is a famous feminist activist, most known for her piece written in 2000, Feminism Is for Everybody, a work in which she encourages her readers to step closer to feminism and reevaluate their take on it and what it truly means to them. She wants people to acknowledge that white feminism is not the end all be all of feminism and that in order to cause real change we must work together and bring more people into the movement. hooks (2000) wrote “sisterhood could not be powerful as long as women were competitively at war with one another” (p. 3). White women aren’t technically wrong to fight for rights for themselves because as women they are mistreated by a lot of society. They had to fight for voting rights, they are still fighting for equal pay, and they deal sexual harrassment on the daily. But they’re wrong when they choose to ignore women of color who deal with similar and oftentimes worse issues. Suffragettes shouldn’t have just “started” with white women, they should have pushed for voting rights for all women regardless of race. The wage gap is 20% worse for Native women yet that fact is often left out of the equal pay conversation. Women on film are hypersexualized but Native American women are automatically expected to be sexual beings both on film and in real life. There is no room for improvement if people are refusing to look at the entire picture. While the assumption might be that we need to take a step back to see it, let’s follow what bell hooks asks of us. Let’s step closer to feminism, step closer to Native women, step closer to the problems they deal with on a day to day basis and listen. Hear their stories and their struggles and ask how you can help. The world will never progress if we refuse to listen and Native American women have been screaming for years.

[thesailormeme]

My little brother has heard me complain about how our society tends to view women as immature and not as rational as men and one way they do this is by calling fully grown women “girls” as if they weren’t as grown up or mature. And most of the time it’s not even cognizant but we still do it. (Anyways not the point, sorry)

So then he calls me a girl later and I’m like “I’m not a girl” (I’m Non-binary) and he was like “oh yeah, gotcha” and the starting calling me a woman.

And I’m just there like

[princeofdecay]

Happy trans day of visibility! This is what the inside of my brain looks like no joke

[nonbinaryproblems]

Feminism: Not Just For Lesbians, Hippies, Manhaters, Feminazis, and Angry Women

I was a freshman in high school when Trump won the presidential election and Obama left office and I remember very vividly how two girls from my English class reacted. They wrote “Obama” on their foreheads. Needless to say, the overall reaction wasn’t all that positive because 14 year olds are mean. And despite being a little bit judgemental - because I’m not excluding myself from the mean 14 year old description - I remember being really impressed. Because as much as I claimed to be a feminist, I was still more concerned about what people thought of me than what I thought of myself. I compromised on too many of my own values so that I could earn the respect - if you could even call it that - of my peers. I was already the first person in my grade to come out as loudly as I did, I didn’t want to give them anymore ammunition against me. bell hooks (2000) writes in her piece “Feminism is for Everybody”, “they find it easier to passively support male domination even when they know in their minds and hearts that it is wrong” (p. xiv). Feminism doesn’t always have to mean writing Obama on my forehead, but it does mean standing up for what’s right and I feel like I missed out on a lot of opportunities to do that growing up. This just goes to show that no one is immune to biases. I’m a nonbinary queer person and even I was afraid of identifying as a feminist because I knew the shame that came with that word. I like to think that I’ve grown as a person since then, and I know I’m growing each and every day. I just hope that I’ve done enough to make up for the way 14 year old Lisa let things slide.

For so many people, I feel like their issue with feminism comes from a place of misunderstanding rather than a place of sexism. They’re not malicious in their hatred of the word, they simply don’t understand what it really means. hooks (2000) says, “I believe that if they knew more about feminism they would no longer fear it, for they would find in feminist movement the hope of their own release from the bondage of patriarchy” (p. xiii). When you grow up in our world, you’re told from the moment you’re born that men are in charge and men are better than everyone else. If you’re lucky enough to have people in your life to tell you differently, then you can break the mold and fight for change. But if you don’t, you have almost no chance of finding your place in feminism - and everybody has one. You’ll live your life believing that feminism is just for straight, white, cis women and that you don’t belong. You’ll think that they all hate men and want to see the world burn. But those viewpoints aren’t always your own. That’s what hooks (2000) means by the “bondage of patriarchy” (p. xiii). It’s restricting, it’s damaging, and it limits your view of the world. But if people can find a moment to step back and look at feminism for what it really is at it’s core, they might look at the world a little differently afterwards. hooks (2000) asks us to “imagine living in a world where there is no domination, where females and males are not alike or even always equal, but where a version of mutuality is the method shaping our interaction” (p. xiv). She wants us to imagine living without that “bondage” and to ask ourselves if that’s a better world. Feminism is not about being better than someone else or being perfectly equal all the time, it’s about living in balance and harmony with one another.

Depending on who you ask, they’ll define feminism differently. Someone might say it’s “protecting and supporting women”, another might say it’s “full of man-haters”, and someone else might just give you the dictionary definition. I think that bell hooks does a fantastic job of summarizing all of those together. She defines feminism as “a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression” (hooks, 2000, xii). Feminism is - based on it’s name alone - about women, but that’s not all that it is. It encompasses everyone and everything in our world because we’re all affected by it whether we know it or not. Many men perpetuate sexism unknowingly and feminism could bring that to their attention and help them change their ways. Or they might not realize just how damaging masculine expectations are. Feminism isn’t about making women above men or about killing all men, it’s a matter of tearing down the sexist world we live in. And if a few men happen to fall with it, that’s no fault of the movement. While it may begin on an individual level, feminism holds no grounds if we don’t tackle the system.

Brene Brown once said, “people are hard to hate close up” (Brown, 2017). 14 year old Lisa wasn’t close enough to the feminist movement to really understand it. They just weren’t at a place in their life where they had been exposed to enough of the world and learned enough about how their actions affect other people to truly understand what it meant to be a feminist. So, as I try to give grace to my past self, I hope other people can join me in giving a little bit of grace to those around them. Instead of pushing people away for saying the “wrong things” or doing something “bad”, let’s bring them in. hooks (2000) dares us to “come closer to feminism [to] see it is not how [we] have imagined it” (p. xii). We’re not all a bunch of hippie, gay women who don’t shave, who burn bras, who hate men, and who write Obama on our foreheads. Feminism is a truly beautiful movement. It’s multifaceted and it has a place for everyone and their passions. There are branches focused on climate change, fighting toxic masculinity, fighting domestic and sexual abuse, supporting queer people, supporting people of color, anything you can imagine. The one thing that they all have in common is the desire for a better future. Our current system is just not cutting it anymore - I don’t think it ever has to be honest with you - and it’s time for change. The feminists who come after us will thank us for our hard work. There is so much to be done and so little time, so let’s bring in as many people as we can, as close as we can, and grow feminism as much as we can.

[nonbinaryproblems]

Gender is a social construct:

In my English class we were talking about feminism and how the goal is to break the boxes of “female” and “male” and allow people more freedom to express themselves and be themselves. And all that is true and good but it doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what gender really is. When I was first coming out as nonbinary obviously I wanted out of the “female” box but I didn’t quite want in on the “male” box either. So the question then became: do I want to combine the two or do I want a box of my own? And honestly I still haven’t figured it out.

Because in a perfect world there would be no boxes. Female and male and nonbinary and everything in between would just exist simultaneously and would be fluid and open to anyone and everyone and there would be no rules based on what you were born or identify as.

Because that’s what we all want isn’t it? We want women to be allowed to be masculine and not confined to the home and we want men to feel comfortable wearing dresses and being stay at home dads and we want trans people to not have to conform to society’s expectations of what their gender is supposed to be and look like. We just want people to be people.

So aren’t we already saying that gender is a social construct?

It’s really not such a radical idea when you think about it like that is it?

We’ve already started to see some breakdown in gender the past couple years with men wearing dresses and women wearing suits. But if you ask any of those men they aren’t wearing “women’s clothing” or a “girl’s dress.” They’re just wearing a dress. They’re just wearing clothes. So the ideas themselves of masculine and feminine are fake. Clothes and makeup and jobs don’t have genders and it makes no sense to apply them one. I’m tired of hearing the words masculine and feminine thrown around when all people really mean is to constrict one another.

And this isn’t to say that I don’t find comfort in identities and words because I do. I am openly, proudly, and loudly nonbinary. Nothing is going to take that word away from me. It’s mine. I think there is a power in having a word for your identity just as much as I think there’s power in just existing. But I have to ask myself, would I care so much about that word if there were no boxes to begin with? Would I cling so desperately to nonbinary and queer if the world hadn’t tried to force such restrictive words on me before I discovered who I was?

The answer is probably no. If when I was born I was just viewed as “Lisa” I have no doubt in my mind that my life would have been simpler. If there was no “girl,” no “tomboy,” no “faking it,” no “masculine,” no “feminine,” no “androgynous” then I could have avoided years of trouble. If I was simply left alone and allowed to exist I would be so much happier. Wouldn’t we all?

But no matter how much I preach, how much I scream into the void that gender doesn’t matter, it does. And it probably always will. Our world has been designed in such a way that gender is ingrained in our minds as something that’s important. And that’s never going to change. So I have to let go of my dream of a perfect world. I have to accept the fact that these boxes exist and as much as I know they’re made up they will always exist.

So we go back to my original question. Do I want to combine the two boxes or carve out my own? The answer, for me and for everyone else, should always be to carve out your own. Find your place in this world and own it as openly and proudly and loudly as I do. Whether your box looks just like mine or it matches “female” or “male” perfectly, it is yours, and that’s all that matters.

Because gender is a social construct but it is our social construct and we’re allowed to bend and shape and break it in any way we see fit.

[thesailormeme]

I remember when gay marriage rights were allowed, I posted a shit ton of LGBTQ+ stuff on my Facebook and I remember eavesdropping on my grandmother and me mum. My grandma freaked the fuck out and was all distraught because I might be a homosexual and my mum comforted her by assuring I was a good Christian girl and it just happened that I had a friend with lesbian moms but I knew better then to do anything like that. Jokes on her because I’m the gayest son of a bitch there ever was. All jokes aside, I think about their conversation a lot. And that reason number 454 on why I’ll never come out.

[nonbinaryproblems]

Wow ok so it’s been a hot minute since I actually posted something on this blog. Most of my replies to asks/messages have featured some version of “omg im so sorry i didnt reply sooner” and honestly I wish I had a better reason for being so inactive but I really don’t. I’m about to start my senior year of high school which means that I just finished my junior year and that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Junior year sucked ass there is no polite way to put it, it was just terrible. 

But even though it was terrible in most ways there were still a few positives so to get myself interested in writing and posting again I’m going to update you guys on them (whether you want to hear it or not). 

GSA last year was a roller coaster of emotions that at times I didn’t think I’d be able to handle but we pulled it off! I was president my junior year and I will be president again this coming year and it is honestly one of the only things that keeps me going sometimes. I think the best thing that happened last year was our Student-Teacher Ally Workshop. We didn’t get a huge turnout but it ended up being okay because our principal showed up and we are going to give our presentation again at a school wide administration meeting in a few months. We are also getting pamphlets printed full of information and resources for teachers and we’ll pass them out at the workshop. As optimistic as I am about my school and my teachers, I didn’t think we’d ever get an opportunity like this to educate them on something that’s so personal to so many kids. And sure it won’t cause change overnight but hopefully it will at least spark a conversation about issues teachers seem too afraid to talk about. 

The AP Psychology teacher invited me to speak to her class in June and it was some of the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I taught them about Stonewall, the AIDS crisis, different identities, and how to be better allies. Almost all of them had a question for me and they were all different it was absolutely nuts. It’s moments like this that remind me that there are good people out there who are willing and open to learning about the community and how they as allies can make a difference. 

I was diagnosed with celiac a little over a month ago and I’m not having a good time so far. 10/10 would NOT recommend a gluten free diet it’s the absolute worst. But if it’s done anything for me, it reminded me of the importance of community. Which is actually why I’m back here. Reading all of those blogs and articles online about how to cope with celiac and how to actually live a semi-normal life with the disease made me want to be that person again. And whether or not I’m as consistent as I used to be is still to be determined but I’m going to try. 

That being said please send asks for prompts or things you want me to write about!! I have a few ideas but I don’t wanna run out and leave again ya feel? So feel free to ask me questions about legit anything and I’ll do my best to answer. 

I hate to sound selfish but I’m posting and writing again less to help other people and more to help myself. I miss the creative outlet this blog gave me and I miss how healing it can be to write out my problems and help other people with theirs. I avoided coming back for a while because writing something down makes it real and that’s scary. There have been moments that I wanted to write about but they were personal and hurtful and terrible. I could have used the support of my community but I was too scared to put these things into words and I regret that decision because I missed this blog. But then I realized that fear is easier to deal with than keeping your problems to yourself and letting them consume you and your whole life. So… I’m back :)