❝ i wish i could say that i am a LIGHT that never goes out, but i flicker from time to time. ❞
was that really REMUS LUPIN? it’s been a long time since that HALFBLOOD ( WEREWOLF ) wore the GRYFFINDOR colours around the halls of hogwarts. i suppose the whispers of muggle borns swearing they saw JESSE WILLIAMS were about them, which does make more sense. so tell me, is it true HE/THEY ( DEMIBOY ) works as a STAY AT HOME FATHER? i suppose there’s no better way to make the most of their UNDERSTANDING and SELF-LOATHING nature. funny how time flies, i remember our first day and hogwarts and now they’re FOURTY years old.
i’m jinx, i also play hannah abbott i’m DETERMINED to make this shorter!! i am!! but i’ll start with some of a bio i have then ramble from there. edit: this is not shorter. houston we have a problem! i fucked up! this is ted talk number two! my grammar ( caps and no caps is also a mess because i’m too tired to adapt to either ) is a mess.
The story of Remus Lupin is one known by many people – his friends, his family, but what people don’t know is what’s in between the cracks. The man in the monster, the boy who he was and the person he’s grown up to be.
There was a time when Remus felt more boy than burden, though he can hardly remember it now and his family cannot either, there was a time. The Lupins were a happy family, they had moderate means, they weren’t the highest class in Wizarding Society but they weren’t the lowest and they made up for that in love – as cliche as it might sound. Remus had one foot in the muggle world, and loved it, Hope would take him on adventures ( having been an adventurer herself ), teaching him about feminism & muggle politics but be back in time to make dinner for when Lyall came back from work. For five years, that’s how it went, an easy, happy cycle that Remus grew up knowing as home. It was home, and his parents were so in love that Remus could only sit back to admire their own admiration for each other. They thought that they’d go on like this until Remus was in Hogwarts, and they’d talk about it for hours on end.
The night Remus was attacked was the night everything turned upside down. Remus’ life might’ve been saved, but ever since then he’s wondered: was it worth it? Was he worth it?
The guilt that Lyall felt propelled him to forget about what his family actually needed and instead, what he needed to forgive himself for what he had done to his son. It was then Remus knew he would have to take care of his family just as much as they would now have to take care of him. No matter how many days of the month would be normal, little Remus would wake up after that full moon torn apart, hurting, crying, confused, and the guilt that he felt was something he could only learn from his father. Hope, like her name, tried to keep the family alive and normal but Lyall refused to let things go back to normal until his son was back to normal. The truth was, even if there was cure, Remus John Lupin was irreversibly changed – there was a whole part of the Wizarding World he came to know at a young age that was not magical in a positive way. Sometimes, Remus still thinks ignorance might’ve been bliss, or maybe if they had put him down like the animal he was his family would’ve learned to move on but his father never did. Lyall could also never accept that Remus was what he was and would continue to be that. The Lupins, a once beautiful household with a life like clockwork were broken – and Remus knew it was all his fault.
Hogwarts, while a nice reprieve, gave Remus a sense of fear and he was determined, absolutely determined to keep to himself. He would not be an affliction onto other children, he would not burden them, he would not form relationships only for them to be embarrassed & repulsed by what he was. But he didn’t seem to have a choice – James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew chose him and never let him go. His brothers, his family, his soulmates, he never knew he’d be able to feel such love for other people who weren’t blood. It was with that love that he got that he started to return, it was then people found that Remus had a sense of humor but an even greater capacity to love – everyone but himself. When his best friends became animagi for him, he cried, he cried because he was relieved that he wouldn’t have to be so alone. That people cared enough about him to do also transform themselves into animals so they could be with him. To this day he doesn’t understand it & is convinced he never will, but it doesn’t make him any less grateful. Without them, he knew he’d be much more miserable than he was, without them, he feared he’d be nothing but a problem his father made him out to be. That he’d be nothing but a monster. They, along with friends he made, were his humanity and it’s why in the first war Remus was ready to do whatever it takes to win because he couldn’t lose them. He’ll lose himself, his mind, his soul, before he loses the people he cares about.
But we all know how that turned out. So I’ll skip ahead for now because I don’t need to detail the pain, suffering, blame, isolation, etc. that Remus went through in the aftermath of the first war!! I really don’t!! Especially because his mother died RIGHT after it ended!!
Finding out Peter had betrayed him and his friends.... i know i’ve said remus lupin is an emotional, soft pisces, but that RAGE. he really would’ve killed his ass! he would’ve!! on this blog it says 1/3 of the marauders because fuck peter pettigrew as far as remus is concerned!!
remus’ BIGGEST fucking fault and negative trait is how much he loathes himself. it gets in the way of EVERYTHING. his own self hatred oftentimes clouds his judgement to who he really is. He is funny, his is intelligent, he is caring, he is loyal, but all he sees is that he is more of a burden than a man, that he is wasting everyone’s time when he transforms, that they should leave him be. He sees himself as the extra fat that needs to be cut off meat, he sees himself as an affliction to others and there are no kind words that stop him from feeling that way. Remus gets a reminder once month that this is all true, but with therapy that he’s been in the last two years, he’s really been working towards discovering who he is aside from who he’s told himself he is. questions about his gender have come up as well, he often wonders if him identifying as nonbinary/a demiboy is because he sees himself as half a human or because he truly feels detached from his gender in a way as well as feels he doesn’t quite always fit it. plot twist you asshole, it’s the second! see why i put him in therapy!
i think when remus was exposed as a werewolf .... it freed him in some ways. there was a certain amount of hiding he was doing, that he didn’t have to do any more. like, listen, he’s already a black human in this society, he’s not straight either, so of course his whole life he didn’t want ANOTHER thing to differentiate him out in the public, but. he’s always been really sarcastic, funny, if you get to know him -- he doesn’t hold back his thoughts either. his thoughts about himself, yes, but his overall thoughts -- no. he was mad and he felt like he had to leave, but that didn’t stop his ass from being a presence in his students lives. the first thing he did after he resigned was get a twitter and subtweet the shit out of the hogwarts administration & the ministry ( did they see it??? who knows ). not his fellow professors but uh, i’ll just say it, lucius malfoy and co.! he used it as a platform to rant, to educate and educate himself. lbr, he had a lot of time on his hands! so yes, he did offer tutoring services and still does to this day. but also, he gets into dumbass twitter fights it’s pretty funny imo. i can truly imagine him going to sirius asking for some advice on what to say to some of these assholes. also him and sirius visiting graves together! they had to make up time w/ each other somehow! bonding! please bring me the only marauder still ( maybe ) alive, i need it.
the second war was difficult in a completely different way to remus -- the guilt he had over getting tonks pregnant, the guilt he had for being in love in a time of war, the selfishness he felt, aided to the reckless nature of his missions. he’d already let down harry for years by not being there, letting him be with the dursley’s, he felt the potter’s didn’t make him godfather because they’d thought he’d be an incompentent father figure ( newflash asshole, they loved you and didn’t think that at all ! ). he did everything to prepare that he could, and when teddy was born --- it redefined the meaning to live. to fight for something. he needed to make this world a better place for teddy, desperately. i wouldn’t say he got his shit together completely, but he stopped being as much as a fucking shit head because he didn’t matter anymore & he didn’t mean that in a self loathing way for once! teddy and tonks did. he meant it in a life has so much more meaning bigger than me way! which, wow, FINALLY, because the world doesn’t revolve around you and what you hate about yourself, remus! took this asshole like 38 years, but he got there!!
there’s no one he loves more in this world more than tonks and teddy. i could go on, but, the longer he’s alive, the more time goes on, he is even more grateful for them. he didn’t know if he’d find a family or love after the first war, after losing lily & james, sirius, peter, the other order members, everything felt lost & without meaning. his existence without meaning. but being a husband & a father redefined his world like never before. he’s proud to be a stay at home father, he’s proud to dedicate all his time to his child while tonks goes out and kicks ass. he’s proud to bake, cook, clean, tend to the house, go out to coffee with other parents, facilitate playdates. it’s probably the happiest he’s been in his life. does he still face discrimination? of course. but Petty, Sassy & Sarcastic Remus Lupin deals with it with stride, quips, and laughter. the occasional prank. it doesn’t feel as much like additional ammo that he’ll later use against himself. just people being dickheads!
loves to reach out to former students, order members, dumbledore’s army members. always tells them him and tonks’ home is open to them. he’s getting to a place in his life where i think he’s becoming more and more open about being a werewolf, raising awareness, speaking, talking. erasing stigma, he’s trying SO HARD, because he knows he’s not alone. he’s always had that drive to educate people, to just let them know whats up? he was truly a fantastic fucking professor, often he misses that job, but he wouldn’t go back. he’s teaching on his own terms, living on them as well. he’s had to unpack a lot of the ..... debt he felt towards dumbledore and realize a lot of the idealization he felt towards him was probably not the best. dumbledore was another shady ass white man, he wasn’t just a savior, he was a lot more dark and complex than remus gave him credit for.
i know this seems too meta, but at this point, i imagine remus and hannah share baking tips, because hannah can’t bake edibles to save her life -- but remus? remus can. he was the world’s worst drug dealer in his youth, but weed helped him sooooo much after and before transformations. he’s lucky to now have wolfsbane along with this resource. but, yeah, you’ll catch hannah and remus having tea as well as hannah offering to babysit so some of her favorite people can have a night out.
if harry names his damn kid fucking albus severus in this verse, remus will actually throw hands, js. like...RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS SALAD @ HARRY AND GINNY??
aight i’m gonna stop here because this is Extra™ but thank you for coming to BOTH of my ted talks and reading this!! if you’d like to plot, please like this, and i’ll come to you!!













