Today is my Birthday Eve. I super appreciate having a January birthday as you would be hard pressed to find another human who hates the December holidays more than I do, so getting my own personal holiday just after that mess is a way for me to shake my mental Etch-a-Sketch clean. I like the fresh start aspect. I like that it is one day where I have absolutely no trouble cutting myself slack and just enjoying the day from start to finish.
Pretty much every year I spend the days leading up to January 10th doing a little personal inventory, reflecting on what went down the previous year, and setting intentions for the coming year. This time, I’ll be turning 52, which I’m calling my Full Deck Year. Not to say that this means I will 100% have my shit together from here on out. But I do like getting older in large part because the older I get the more I appreciate what I have. Cornball? Absolutely. Also totally true.
I thought about listing here all of the highlights of 2015. Two things are holding me back. One-- my memory is not as keen as it once was, so I honestly can’t even remember all of 51. There’s a lesson in that I suppose-- I know there were days I fretted and found myself in situations that in the moment made me feel like OH FUCK WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Now, with few exceptions, I can’t recall any of them. So yeah, here’s to impermanence.
The second thing holding me back is that 2015 was a year of such stunning abundance for me that I fear if I did write it all down it might come across as gloating, like one of those stupid bragging Christmas letters some people still send out. I do want to mention a couple of highlights though, because they brought me tremendous joy.
The first is that a year ago just about to the day, I published my latest book, Sit. Stay. Heal. How Meditation Changed My Mind, Grew My Heart, and Saved My Ass. A lot of folks contributed to a KickStarter campaign in 2014 to afford me time to write and money to put the book out myself. And then a lot of other folks bought the book. I’ve published many books over the years and I long ago stopped thinking, “Maybe this one will be a bestseller!” Honestly I’m just content to write now, and when my words find an audience to connect with that’s an added bonus. More cornball. More truth.
So I was really blown away at how many people ordered copies. And I was further blown away by how many people took the time to write and share their own experiences with depression and meditation. My very favorite thing in the world to be is useful. I’m really glad to know my story inspired some folks to give mindful breathing a try.
The other highlight of my fifty-first year that I’d like to share is that I moved to the Tiny T Ranch. A year ago today if you’d told me that I would be leaving Austin, selling my beloved house, and taking on a major business undertaking, I really would’ve laughed. I mean I had no clue what was coming. I was very happy with how my life was. My business was great. I always thought I would live out my days in Cherrywood.
But in May I went up to Jersey for my mom’s 80th birthday. I messaged some old school friends I’d reconnected with on FB, most of whom I’d not seen in 33 years. I said I’d be up for a visit but the brevity of my trip combined with my social anxiety meant I likely wouldn’t see anyone. I know, I know-- why send a note like that? Maybe a little negative narcissism was at play? I knew I’d be posting pictures on FB indicating I was nearby. I didn’t want to seem like an ass for not getting in touch.
Because I sent that note I wound up with the ranch. The short version of the story getting us from Point A to Point B goes like this: One of the recipients of my note was my kindergarten crush. He said how nice that I’d be up and didn’t have time to visit since I’d be missing the dinner party he and some others decided to throw in my honor. What could I do? I went to the party. My sister dropped me off and reassured me that my anxiety at being in a crowd of people I hadn’t seen in so long would dissipate in an instant. She was so right.
I’m guessing there were at least sixty people at that party. Even our sixth grade teacher showed up. Everyone was so welcoming I still want to weep at the memory of it. One of the attendees, let’s call him Patrick, mentioned his daughter was transferring to UT. I said I’d love to give them a tour of Austin. That’s just what happened. During that visit, we got to talking about Austin real estate and my blog Austin Housing Sucks. Patrick is a financial whiz and said if ever I wanted help figuring out how to refinance my house, which no bank would refinance, he’d be glad to try to help. I accepted this generous off.
Right around this time, someone sent me a link about a tiny chapel that was for sale in Luling. I visited that chapel and fell in love with it. I posted a link on FB saying, very whimsically, how fun it would be to acquire the chapel. Many people chimed in offering to help me buy it. I set up a crowd fund campaign and donations poured in.
When I mentioned this to Patrick, we began thinking bigger together. What if I sold my house, and what if he and his wife helped me find some land, and what if we put the tiny chapel upon it? Now here the story takes so many twists and turns that I won’t go into it too far. But things appeared and disappeared. Despite my love of the tiny chapel, the deal to acquire it could not be worked out to the satisfaction of me and the builder. I had my eye on a small property in North Austin. But parking was an issue. Patrick kept encouraging me to broaden my scope, look at other options.
Fast forward to the tail end of August. I asked my friend Annie if she knew of any land out near her place in Garfield. She pointed me to a thirty-acre ranch that was for sale. I told Patrick about it and asked if it was too much-- and by too much I mean not just money but size. He suggested we have a peek. We did.
Now here I am.
Getting from the peek to the closing of the sale to the moving in to the (ongoing) remodeling has at times seemed not exactly interminable, but pretty lengthy a process. But the reality is, the first seed was planted in mid-August. The deal went through in October. I moved in the beginning of December. And later this month I start hosting my first events. That is ridiculously fast.
Most days it is very loud out here with saws and hammers and the radio blasting as the construction crew does their thing. The painters are just about done now. The house still smells like fresh paint, which always amuses me as it reminds me of a saying an Englishman friend of mine taught me: “Everything smells like fresh paint to the queen.”
I’m entering my personal new year feeling pretty queeny. I even pulled the Queen of Wands yesterday as I drew a tarot card for inspiration. I am so sick of that Adele song Hello, but it keeps popping into my head as I think about this coming year. Hello from the other side, people. I have to believe I am past my own personal halfway point on this crazy ride called life. Another thing about getting older is I become more of a cliche in some ways. I’m starting to truly understand how fleeting it all is. I’m striving, even on my shitty days, to be appreciative. Getting to look out across endless trees and massive sky every single day helps tremendously toward that end.
I’ve made some tentative plans for tomorrow. I think I’ll spend the day mostly alone in reflection. It’ll probably be too cold to walk the back 27, but maybe I’ll put a fire in the fireplace. I’m going to knit and listen to some Patty Griffin. I’m going to meditate. I’m going to make the dogs wait on me hand and foot. I do have one wedding in town in the early evening. And I just found out yesterday that I’ll also be doing a super short elopement ceremony. That will be right here at the ranch, my fifth tiny ceremony on the property since I got here.
I’m so looking forward to 52 at the Tiny T Ranch, to see all the things that are to come. I hope I get to do a million elopements. I’m psyched to start the Sit. Stay. Heal. Salons later this month. I’m hopeful I can fill up my kids’ summer camps. Very soon I will start hosting dinners for bereaved parents, a chance for them to meet and talk about their grief. There will be concerts and retreats, too. I’ve started a calendar page listing the various offerings.
I would be so grateful if you’d help me get the word out about the space. If you know anyone looking for a place to host parties, get away for a week or a weekend, lead retreats, get married, hold a memorial service, or play a house concert, please let them know I’m out here.
And thank you so much for being part of this adventure. I am so fortunate.
Happy My Birthday to You!
Love,
Spike