#autismb

[mylittlepuppie]

hi i am 26 now

[strangesuccubitch]

i’m love this man <3

(for context i am struggling w my gender and this is me texting my partner about it)

[strangesuccubitch]

this is just me screaming into the void so pls feel free to ignore it <3

i am heavily struggling with my gender right now. i am AFAB, i have long pink hair, heart shaped glasses, i wear a lot of tutus and sparkles and pink. when i was 14 i identified as a trans boy. i had a “boy” haircut and dressed masculine (i did wear makeup sometimes though). for as long as i can remember, i have wished i was “born a boy”, so to speak. i wish i had a male body and male anatomy. i do not identify as a woman but the way i look obviously screams “female”.

i’ve wanted to be a “twink” and a “femboy” for as long as i can remember (i hope those terms are okay for me to use). but since i’m AFAB, i feel like i *can’t* identify as a boy and still present as feminine as i currently do. i feel like i have to pick one. i don’t want to go on T because i don’t want facial hair or my voice to get deeper. top surgery would be incredible. bottom surgery, maybe. y’know, in a perfect world where i could get approved and also afford those.

i’ve always hated my breasts. i prefer to have sex with a shirt on so they’re covered up. i’ve hated my body for my entire life and i’m starting to think that maybe part of it is because it’s a *female* body (also i’m chubby but that’s a separate insecurity).

i’m lowkey spiraling right now. if anyone has any advice or insight i would greatly appreciate it. kthxbai