Ugh.
Okay so.
Recently, I've been digging through my avoidant habits,
And I've discovered something...
I'm lacking someone I trust.
Like. Every human needs people around them to depend on, someone they KNOW they can lean on when things get tough.
That's how humans can be brave, and keep exploring - It's because there's a group of people behind them, who has their back - should anything go wrong/amiss....
But if you don't have that...?
/ Don't trust someone... ENOUGH? Tl have your back... so you never end up depending on anyone...?
Then I'm constantly scared of everything going wrong.
I ignore and avoid things, because I know I (in my mindset) don't have anybody else to back me up. But I'm also too scared to let anybody close enough... to actually depend on... I feel too... "guilty" to let someone close... having to "deal" with my problems..........
So. I end up in a loop.
(\/ I drew a lil picture today :3)
This obviously leads to problems for me (and others 😅😅 in my life...)
(💦ꞋꞌꞋꞌ¬_¬)....
Also obviously, knowing this doesn't change that the avoidant behaviour is pretty annoying, and definitely.... inconvenient. ^^;
(￣▽￣||)ゞ*-.
Siiiggghhh...
But at least now i know why???
So hopefully i can work to fix it/ to do better next time.... aahh.... oh well. Guess I'll dealbwith it as best as possible...
Even if my bad habits(/behaviours) makes me want to throttle myself. And shake my shoulders/neck.. eheh (^^;)ゞ*-.