#awain

[wannabewritersposts]

"A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears." ― Montaigne

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Awain

When I was new in Karachi I used to say ye bhi koi sardi hai but now sardiii ... Karachi ki sardi bhi ab sardi lagti hai ! though I still drink Pepsi more often than coffee but phr bhi kulfi jum jati hai raat ko B-)

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Well everyone seems to remember what bad you've done! I cheated once in exam ... it was a casual test and it was more like everyone was asking others what to write and that too in front of the instructor ... then person next to me said hey write this answer and put his paper next to mine ... well I copied that ! I was one of the few in class who were known for not asking nor telling anyone answers during a test and it was on that day I copied something for the first time during my 4 years of engineering! Nonetheless whatever the excuse that I did something everyone was doing that day I felt that real bad feeling of guilt of letting my guard down and doing what I have always been against ! That guilt made me angry of myself ! I was like why did I do it that to for such a insignificant test which didn't even matter much ! I visited instructor's office thrice to apologize but every time I went he wasn't in his office ... then my friend said to me leave it ... it's OK that you have realized now don't take it to your heart !

But it was good I did this once now I know how bad it feels inside and now I'm more determined never to lose my principles in front of my desires !

But even now when we friends are talking about university life and all the things people bring this up to say you used to say cheating is wrong what happened there and I'm like yes it was wrong I did that and I made a mistake but of doesn't mean if I've done it once I'm going to do it again ! then I realize this topic was brought only to taunt me on my principles and to show me what a hypocrite I was on that day ... and yes I was and I hope I'm never again ! still feel that pinch of guilt when this topic is brought :/

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Wish

i wish i had a good camera then i would be posting beautiful insane photographs on tumlr or instagram whatever with a ullu ka patha photography tag so that i can feel like ooh i own a big fat camera and now I'm a professional phaatographer!   bleh

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Confused state