Dear Natalie and Callister
I’m glad you’ve both found each other, but the game is getting old. If you both have nothing better to do than talk about my life then I’d hate to think how you spend time alone with your boyfriend and girlfriend. At first it was really funny how you thought by talking about me you could get me to care about you. (Newsflash, this is the part where I tell you it hasn’t been working.) Now it’s kinda just sad. Natalie, if you really wanted to be all buddy buddy with Callister, then you really shouldn’t have talked so much shit about her when you two broke up. And Callister (I’m calling you that because I have respect for the group you represent with that name. My respect for you doesn’t even reach the top of my pinky toe.) honey we’ve been playing this game for far too long. If you’re not going to act your age at least act your shoe size. It would be a step up from the games you’re trying to play to pull me back into your life. I’m sure you find yourself hilarious, but if this is really the way you want to play this you might want to try and set up your own intervention. You’ve gone from missing me, to hating me, to ignoring me. At least pick a direction sweetheart, you’re gonna make yourself dizzy. We wouldn’t want you getting sicker than you already do. Really this all amounts to one simple lesson. If you want to talk about my life face me and treat me like an adult. It’s hard for kids to pretend they’re grownups but you could at least give it a good try. You both also really shouldn’t confide so much in someone you plan to talk about later. You’ve given me everything and I gave you nothing. To keep this classy I’m going to address some things generally. One of you needs to learn the definition of Nymphomania, and the other needs to realize that you’re not as cute as you think you are when people are annoyed by you. Have fun hating yourselves, I’ll be here happy with my girlfriend. I hope you can realize that means I’m not coming back into your life. Stay classy, and try just saying it to my face next time.
Sincerely Aleks
