@awhitedaffodil continued from X
Kieran studied the shadowhunter’s face, looking for any sign that the other was lying. When none was found his shoulders slumped slightly. “Then perhaps you can never really love all of me,” for cruelty was in his blood and though he did not use it needlessly like his father it was part of him. He could not be sorry for it without saying he was ashamed of what he was and, for all the torture he was subjective to at the hands of his King, he loved what he was. He loved the Faerie and it’s inhabitants for both their beauty and their cruelty in a way that was perhaps only possible for faeries.
“That I am cruel will not change Mark, it is impossible to cut out my cruelty without ruining every other aspect of me.” Kieran spoke softly, the hint of sadness in his voice the only sign that this upset him at all. He would understand if Mark could not understand this. It was the major difference between unseelie culture and most others. An eye for an eye would leave the world blind was a mortal saying, but an unseelie would point out that two hands for an eye would stop the first from finishing the job and it’d be well within their rights if someone took one of their eyes.
“Kier-” Mark knew his voice broke. He had not spoken out of turn when he’d said what he did. And yet he’d managed to make a mess of things all the same. He wanted to reach out, to cup Kieran’s face in his hands and promise him he was no cruel, that Mark did not see cruelty when he saw Kieran. But that would be a lie and a lie with no purpose. A lie that might mean well but how could he make Kieran feel better by lying to him?
“I have never loved cruelty, but I have come to love you Kieran I-” What? I could come to love cruelty? He was not sure how true that statement was, and he would not lie to Kieran, preferably never, but certainly not in this. But neither would it be entirely true to say he’d never faced cruelty at the hands of Kieran. Not that it mattered I do not think you would be cruel to me would be just as much a lie as the first.
“I know it is part of who you are.” Mark finally said, which was true. “And I accept that.” Mark did not understand how it was, that the one who he least wanted to lie to, made keeping lies out of his mouth so hard.
