Remus always had a hard time staying present, in his youth he gave up trying to fight it, it felt good to lose himself in thought, to come up with scenarios he’d never be brave enough to act on or lucky enough to experience. It wasn't until later that it became dangerous for him.
When the rain drops on the window brought him back to the day spent on the potters roof, it had been sunny but drizzling, Sirius had been having a bad day and decided the rain would help, so he’d and remus had snuck away and sat themselves up there, Sirius explained what had caused his mood, it was his family, it was rarely anything else at that time. Remus listened and offered him a hug, Sirius had kissed him instead.
It was the first time they’d kissed in the light, Remus wished he had known it would also be the last.
When that memory becomes too painful he moves from the window and finds himself on the couch staring at the cup and teabag from the morning, only one, the days of two cups sitting in front of him while the raven haired boy sat next to him in their school common room –never close enough to touch, such acts would've been treason to the laws of their fear– while music soothed in the back were so long ago the recollections were fuzzy, maybe they hadn't happened at all, maybe the touches hidden under the safe haven the blanket of stars and moon provided didn't exist, maybe the terrified rush of breath against skin as he murmured a secret ‘i love you’ was nothing more than a hopeful wish, and maybe the echo of sirius saying it back was just another impure thought. He wasn't sure how to tell anymore, maybe thats for the best.
@wolfstarmicrofic wc: 309