#azureriptide

[tempesteddies]

Before her life began

Hansa's origins story start. Not complete but here is a start. @coffee-randomness like i told you i was thinking on posting. I am not sure if it is as good as i normally do. ~ The worst part of having older siblings was that no matter what you do, someone else has already done it and done it better than you did. It was for that reason, hansa didn't expect anything from the family her mother had created, after divorcing her father, when she received a scholarship to Gotham Academy. Alisa had already been there and done that with better scores. Hansa did her best to not let herself feel resentment toward her sister. Alisa had been very sincere when congratulating her and her father had planned a celebration dinner in a few days. It wasn't as if Alisa had any knowledge that Hansa would get a scholarship as well. Hansa focused on the fact she was just thankful to have the chance to go to Gotham Academy. She had always felt like life was generally stacked against her. The only real problem she would now have was that none of her friends would be there. None of them had gotten a scholarship if they had even given it a try. This fact had almost led her to changing her mind but she told herself she would be fine. She had spent more time alone than with any of her friends anyway so it wasn't much of a change. She would hopefully be able to find some friends that go to her school soon so that the loneliness didn't overwhelm her. ~ Hansa silently walked to the school office. Alisa had hurried off the see her friends and offered to let her eat lunch with Alisa but Hansa made no promises. Hansa didn't want to hang off her sister or only be known as Alisa's sister. Hansa wanted to be her own person even of it bit her in the ass later. Alisa didn't need her 'weird' sister causing her problems just by existing in her gravitational pull. Hansa quickly received her schedule and left before they could offer to have someone show her around. While she should have been searching for her classes, Hansa searched out the library. She found herself relaxing slightly at the familiar quiet that came to her when she was surrounded by books. This would be her sanctuary, of this she was certain. ~ The weeks passed quicker than she had thought they would. The people were alright but they seemed to expect her to speak to them more. They expected her to be like her sister and as she continued to disappoint them they grew to see her as a snob. She was just starting to get her bearings when the bullying started in a small way. It started with eyes landing on her before they glance away and laugh. Hansa did her best to pay it no mind but it drove her anxiety and paranoia toward the roof. She had to hide in a bathroom twice already to try not to have an anxiety attack. She found herself spending all her free time in the library immersing herself in fiction and history to make up for the lack of friendships. ~ When her favorite class, history, was setting a group project to work in pairs, hansa had all but begged to be allowed to do the project alone. The teacher was apologetic but said she had to have a partner. The teacher had tried to soothe Hansa's worries by telling her that if she had a problem with her partner they would figure something out. Hansa resigned herself to working alone and quickly to finish the project sooner so she would be able to spend less time with them. She figured she would end up paired with one of her bullies so she was pleasantly relieved that she was paired with one of the students that she didn't really know beyond knowing that he didn't bully her. How could she describe Tim Drake? He was a good project partner, he did his work going beyond what Hansa had seen anyone but herself do, he seemed uncaring towards anything that he wasn't interested in, He could be funny but in a way that most people didn't get, his intake of Coffee was startling to the unprepared, and Hansa couldn't help that she undeniably wanted to be his friend. She found herself greeting him with a smile after they completed the project. The other students seemed to see her reaching out to Tim as another reason to make her life miserable. They took it as another example of how much of a snob she was. ~ Hansa was approached by a counselor not long after that, having been told by Hansa's English teacher that Hansa might not be being challenged by the classwork. Hansa grudgingly took the test as she was asked and a week later she was given a new schedule with a honors English class replacing her old class. Hansa sighed but followed the schedule even when she found the English class had mostly students in the grade above hers. That made her even more nervous, if her own grade hates her then whose to say that they wouldn't hate her as well. Hansa found that the work was interesting but rather boring which caused her to have trouble focusing enough to actually complete the work on time. She enjoyed the discussions though and that was how she met Jason. How could she describe Jason Todd? He was passionate about classic literature, he had a temper but didn't let it control him, he was kinder than many would give him credit for, they understood each other even in their different circumstances, and she really liked him. ~ Jason would argue with her about the meanings of symbolism in the book the class was reading but he didn't seem to connect her to Alisa at all or expect Hansa to be any way but the way she was. He wouldn't really greet her but he would nod to her and occasionally when she was being unusually dorky he would seem to fight a smile. Hansa always felt warm inside when that happened. while he did smile it wasn't as often as Hansa felt he should. His smile was something special though she supposed the rarity of their appearance probably was why she treasured them so much. As time went on, Hansa started cursing herself. She knew the signs she was gaining a crush by now and she knew that by now she had formed a habit. She would scan the area for him before ducking her head if he looked her way. She fought off a blush when he talked to her and if she wasn't distracted by the discussion then shr found herself clamming up.

[tempesteddies]

Why should I believe? God only brings pain and suffering.

Life stuff venting. Lucy belongs to @coffee-randomness here if you want to read @melyaliz

Hansa felt as if her throat had swelled until she couldn’t speak. Words felt impossible to speak even as her mind was overwhelmed with them.

She couldn’t stop rubbing away the tears as they welled up in her eyes. She felt the numbness in her chest like an icy ball that took up residence in her chest.

‘Why was she such a selfish heartless cunt?’ Hansa thought as self-hatred grew in her like a balloon. Why was it that her feelings betrayed her?

She had heard her grandmother’s last breath but because of the memory of a horror movie she had been to afraid to check on her or move to wake her mother and aunt.

Her impatience and the suffocating atmosphere in the house had made her restless for something to happen. It was only now that she found herself hating herself for feeling that way.

This atmosphere was far more suffocating. She felt herself tear up hearing her aunts heartwretching sobs. Her mother was doing her best to be strong for her sister and daughters. Hansa felt even worse for it.

Hansa couldn’t seem to stop herself from withdrawing from everyone. She wanted the pain and tears to go away. She wanted to erase the memory of herself from everyone’s mind and cease to exist.

'My fault’ was on repeat in her mind. Seven days after her birthday, her grandmother was hurt or went into the hospital. Today in the early morning, around three in the morning, of September the fifth; her grandmother died with only Hansa awake to help or hear her and she did nothing.

Hansa walked out of the house to escape the painful sound of mourning. She found herself running until she couldn’t seem to stop. She only did stop once her legs collapsed under her unable to keep running. She had found her way to the docks again.

They had started telling her it wasn’t her fault but she found herself unable to believe that. She found the most secluded and covered spot to sit herself down and pull her knees to her chest.

She suddenly felt too numb and found herself staring blankly out at the harbor not really seeming to see anything. She had escaped her home to escape the coddling comfort her mother would try to give her.

She didn’t want to break down. She wasn’t sure she even knew what it meant to grieve. She didn’t want any part in the actions that would break her apart, burn her being to ash, only for others to say she would be rebuilt in the ashes.

She was a person not a building or the city of rome. She wasn’t sure she would return if she crumbled. She just wanted her friends but didn’t know how or who to reach out to.

Jason was someone she was close to but because she was attracted to him she didn’t want him to see her broken pieces. She wanted him to see and like the strong person she was but not see the part of life she felt was weakness.

Lucy was someone Hansa had come to respect and feel close to but a large part of her worried that Lucy might say something meant to be comforting only for Hansa to snap at her. Hansa didn’t want her bitterness and pain to drive away the person she had come to see as a sister.

Hansa almost sighed at how obvious the choice was looking even as she searched for a reason not to involve Tim.

She went to him so much about everything and hated that she felt the desperate need to expose her weaknesses and vulnerabilities to him. He didn’t need her drama or venting at him but he listened and accepted it all anyway.

He had been with her from what she thought of as the start. Before her powers and vigilante escapades, he had been there with his deadpan humor and multitasking. Listening and 'listening’ to her often repetitive stories and pains.

He had given her more family just as she hoped that she gave him. Tim had always seemed to had a strange friendliness with Alisa that Hansa couldn’t understand but could appreciate at times.

Even as Hansa thought all this through, she couldn’t seem to pull herself free enough to actually call or make contact with anyone. She kept seeing her grandmother’s face and she was desperately afraid that if she tried to sleep she would be plagued with nightmares.

She hadn’t gotten any sleep since three in the morning the morning before the current one. She fought back the yawns that now started coming even as the sun started to rise brightening the sky around her.

She eventually is dragged under by the sandman and wakes hours later surrounded by warmth. She peeks out an finds she isn’t at the docks anymore but she is familiar with the location.

When she finally does fully open her eyes it’s to see all her friends in the same room but doing their own thing. Tim is talking with Stephanie about a case as he points to something on a laptop.

Jason and Roy are bickering as they play a video game with Dick and Damian cheer on either the game or the bickering. Kori is sitting on the bed looking through a magazine while Lucy, who is sitting next to her, explains a bit what certain things mean.

Conner notices she is awake. He had been sitting on her other side looking through one of the books from the nearby bookshelf. He quietly spoke “Artemis and Kaldur took Wally away so he wouldn’t wake you.”

After that he quietly went back to the book so she wasn’t forced to talk with anyone. She was kinda grateful. She wasn’t ready to have to explain or hear excuses or things like that. She was still feeling rather numb or dead inside.

[tempesteddies]

yo @coffee-randomness look

Whenever Hansa thought back to when she met Lucy, it was hard to believe she had been so quiet. Hansa always felt as if Lucy understood her on her deepest level.

She always came away from those meetings feeling refreshed as if she had walked through a rain storm that washed her negativity away.

Lucy has been kind and Hansa had seen the quiet intelligence in her eyes that could have been mistaken as the lacking of intelligence to those that would rather that the kind be dumb than for the kind to truely see as well as understand what and who exactly they were helping.

Hansa had gone away feeling cowardly for letting the pasts rejection keep her from reaching out to someone that might be able to care for her for herself rather than who they wanted her to be.

Hansa was like a storm taking the form of a person. She always thought Lucy was the gentle breeze on a nice sunny day in human form. Some might think that meant Lucy was less complex or dangerous but it was the opposite.

The gentle breeze could easily turn into a strong gust of wind in moments just as storms could dissolve in minutes.

Things started awkwardly as most things did with Hansa but with time they grew close enough that Hansa called Lucy her best friend and considered her to be her sister in all but name or blood.

Hansa always worried that the feelings were not mutual but her affection for Lucy never allowed her anxiety and insecurities to cause a wedge between them.

[tempesteddies]

When you believe

@coffee-randomness so i found some inspiration. I kinda like it, maybe you will find some inspiration to write Lucy’s side?

Them together make me think kinda of the quote from bbc merlin about merlin and arthur. Like they are two sides of the same coin or like the robert frost poem about the path that diverges into two different ones.

Like Hansa wasn’t gonna be a nun but she grew up in a church environment. Lucy and leaving the chruch is in a way similar to Hansa just losing faith so she just stops going to church all together.

~⬇

When the girl, that would never believe her god would plot deaths needlessly, met the girl, that suffered & struggled & endured until she doubted that god cared about her, they stared almost as if afraid to make a sound.

~

Hansa didn’t know what to say if there was even anything at all she could say. She agreed that no god that did such a thing was worth following but the girl still had faith that hansa did not.

Hansa felt almost as if by talking to Lucy, she would taint her. Hansa felt that whatever god was above them would take Hansa’s disbelief as a sort of mark of cain that meant any possibility for happiness would turn to ash before her very eyes.

~

How could Hansa, who tried to be as selfless as possible, possibly let herself curse someone as kind as Lucy. Lucy had been through a lot and Hansa felt that she was too stained or burnt around the edges.

She didn’t want to burden Lucy with all her shitty baggage that kept her from functioning almost daily. She bit her tongue, gave an almost shy smile as a silent apology, and ducked her head before she did her best to slip away in the shadows.

~

That was their first meeting but try as she might, their paths crossed more as time went on until Hansa found that any awkwardness was slowly disappearing. It could be hard to stay awkward when meeting at grocery stores or laundry mats.

[tempesteddies]

What is this feeling?

yo @coffee-randomness the thing with lucy in it. It seems to me parts feel rushed which i am so sorry about.

~

“Jay, i was raised Christian, not Catholic; Wrong denomination, you dumbass.” Hansa told him glancing around the church he had dragged her to.

“Besides that, i am not really much of a Christian anymore either. Are you trying to get me smoted… smitted… whatever the word is” she continued before he could reply. Jason kept pulling her along before saying, “I just wanted you to meet a friend of mine, dipshit.”

Hansa wanted to argue but found herself deflating at that. “Oh uh… alright then” she said grimacing at how awkward she sounded. “Tim never mentioned that you had friends.” Hansa said with a small grin as she spoke mostly to amuse herself and keep things from feeling awkward.

“I would say the same about him” Jason remarked making Hansa laugh. “That was such a burn. I gotta tell him about that one!” She said trying to hide her smile. “Jay! What do you call a group of robins that follow a bat? A Bat that gathered a Round!” She exclaimed bursting into giggles.

Jason did his best not to show he thought that was funny in a dorky kind of way. “Come on dork. She’s over there” Jason said leading Hansa toward one of the shorter people in the church. Hansa couldn’t help but be curious about the friend Jason made that was found in a Catholic church.

Jason walks right up to the one of the nuns and lightly taps her shoulder. She turns and Hansa sees dark hair and honey gold eyes before the girl smiles. “Jason, it’s good to see you” she says before noticing Hansa.

The girl greets Hansa warmly before introducing herself as Lucy Martinez. “Hi I’m Hansa Harmaajärvi; i was Jason’s brother, Tim’s, friend first. I just like bantering with Jason.” Hansa says and is only slightly embarrassed at how difficult her surname can be to say at times or with how much she overshares.

Lucy just nods with a smile that makes Hansa want to smile back even with how high strung she feels being back in the chruch atmosphere. She feels like the silence of it is seeping into the marrow of her bones chilling her and leaving behind an ache she had been able to deny when anywhere else.

Hansa tried to think of something to say. She wanted to make a good impression but even with how nice Lucy looked, she was still a stranger to Hansa. Hansa didn’t know Lucy’s interests which meant that she could say something wrong. She decided to try her best though when she had asked how Lucy and Jason met.

They were very different people going by outside appearance though Hansa didn’t allow that to make too many assumptions. They seemed to have something between them though Hansa couldn’t really say what it was.

Hansa feels a chill go through her as she hears a faint voice in her mind speak ‘God, forgive me for my unbelief’ and before anything else can happen, Hansa plasters a fake smile on her face before trying to politely excuse herself.

Hansa quickly leaves the church ignoring Jason calling after her. She pulled out her phone before texting Tim to see if he’d pick her up. She stopped and turned when she felt a hand grab her by the shoulder. She would have lashed out if not for the fact she saw it was Jason before she could.

“Hansa, what’s wrong?” Jason demanded looking a mix between angry and concerned. Hansa pulls herself free before wrapping her arms around herself. “I don’t feel safe there. Lucy seems nice but i can’t go back there.” Hansa says firmly and shakes her head when Jason tries to argue.

“Tell Lucy that i am sorry i ran off midconversation. I am not sorry i left but i am sorry if it made her think i didn’t like her or didn’t want to get to know her better” Hansa says before heading toward the car that just pulled up with Tim’s head sticking out.

Hansa gives Jason a wave before Tim drives the car forward. Tim doesn’t ask and Hansa is thankful for that. She couldn’t explain why that feeling bothered her so much. She just knew it did bother her and had done what her stepfather always said she always did when faced with something she didn’t like or was afraid of; she ran away.

[tempesteddies]

The curse of my life

More to the one drabble. This is the current state of my life just fyi. @coffee-randomness @melyaliz ~ "The doctors said we were misinformed. The chemo was to extend her life not kill the cancer. Plus the infection which kept her from undergoing chemo in the first place. They don't know how long she has." Her mother explained as Alisa and Hansa sat across from her at the table. Hansa froze for a moment as the meaning of the words coming out her mother's mouth finally hit her. She felt herself crumble to pieces and her mind was blaming her for causing her grandmother's cancer. A week after her birthday was how long it took for some deity to enable the curse on her life. the only sentence forming was filled with curses. She covered her face as it became covered in salty tears as she sobbed. She was shaking with how hard she was crying and she couldn't seem to stop herself. She pulled her phone free of her pocket before writing a mass Message to Jason, Tim, Roy, Kori, and Lucy. She knew in a vague sense that lucy probably wouldn't appreciate the vulgarity. 'Fuck hospitals and fuck doctors! I hate those motherfucking assholes! I hope they get fucked Bloody by a chainsaw' the Message read. Never in her life had she ever been more tempted to just drop everything and just run until she couldn't anymore. Nor had she ever been more tempted to beat a criminal until she couldn't anymore or to go out with the intent to not come back alive at all. She kept wanting to demand WHY. why would god let something like this happen? Why would he punish Hansa's mom for Hansa's disbelief? Why didn't he change this? Why would he let this come to pass just as Hansa had been about to repent? Why did god hate Hansa so much? Hansa wanted to shy away from her mother's touch because she felt too raw and vulnerable for touch to be comfortable but she didn't. Her mother was trying even if it was the wrong time or sort. Hansa couldn't fault her for that even if she cried harder as she tensed under the haand on her. ~ Their mother took them out to eat and while Hansa wasn't sure she could eat, she knew she'd need the food. Hansa felt seconds away from breaking down again right in the middle of the restaurant. They tried to talk normally but a single stupid comment had Hansa folding inward and crying again.

[tempesteddies]

Talk to me

So @coffee-randomness its not exactly what you had wanted but as far as first interactions go, this is what came of it. It grew a mind of it's own. There will probably be more interactions between hansa and roy but this is the first meeting. ~ "Teach me!" Hansa said looking at roy expectantly. Roy looked at her with a bored expression before asking "and why would i do that?" Hansa raised an eyebrow before replying "i've always wanted to learn archery, you have skill at it, we are trying to get along for Jason's sake, and i would actually like to be friends with you, Roy. Besides the shitty attitude, you seem like a great guy that i could get along with." "You aren't exactly a walk in the park either, you know" He retorts and Hansa felt herself glare. "That's a defense mechanism, you jackass. You just ignored everything else i said, part of which had a compliment in it, so you could be more of a jerk" She snapped at him before throwing her arms in the air and sighed. "I give up." She said resigned before heading toward the door. She really had meant what she said. Jason always spoke of Roy fondly though he would never admit it and he always looked a bit disappointed when Hansa rejected invitations to hang out with them. Hansa had just been being cautious. Here was a guy that Jason was close to whose opinion would matter to jason whether he said so or not. First impressions were important but she had apparently screwed this one up. ~ "Hey, wait up. I'll teach you if you answer one question." Roy called all but chasing after her. Hansa had paused when Roy called so he was basically right behind her. She didn't speak but gave a visible nod as she was still facing away from him. "My biggest thing is: how do i know for sure your not some gold digging whore?" Roy asked and would have continued if hansa hadn't whipped around at the word 'whore'. She had punched out catching Roy off guard and landing a hit on his jaw. "Ow! What the hell!" Roy yelled and Hansa stood there shaking with how furious she was. "Call me a whore again and i will do much worse. Don't test me on that, you won't like the results" she threatened. ~ Before Roy could interrupted, Hansa started speaking again. "As for the accusation, i don't give a shit about money. Is it nice to have for security, yes. Is it nice for impulse buys, yes. But beyond that it is worthless to me" "You think i only am with Jason for money? When i first met him and Tim, i had never even heard of Bruce Wayne or his adopted children." Hansa said and glared when Roy looked like he didn't believe her. She could get that she supposed, if she didn't know herself she would doubt there was anyone that hadn't heard of Bruce. "Tim was just 'tim drake, the boy in my history class among other classes that is a good partner for projects' and Jason was just 'jason todd, the guy i had honors English with for like a week that i like talking books to' " she said doing her best to hide the fond tone in her voice but failing. ~ "People like you never understand people like me. You don't get skipping a meal so younger siblings can eat" she said with a shake of her head before continuing "or being constantly hungry except on weekends because during the week, i live with the family my mom made where impulse buying leaves no money for food or savings" she found she was struggling not to work herself into a crying frenzy. "while on weekends i get to live with my dad where i am the younger sibling and where a balance between saving and impulse buys has been found." Hansa was grimacing and cursing her inability to no overshare when emotional. "You don't know what thats like or what it's like to have one thing left of food you were going to eat as you were starving but a younger sibling got there first" she couldn't stop herself from venting about this but she wished it was to someone else. "so you have to starve for longer until you find food while feeling that your sibling would rather eat and let you starve to death than let you have some food when they are just kinda hungry" Hansa finished and covered her mouth with her hand before just running from the building. ~ She ignored Roy calling out for her to wait and she ignored Jason asking if she was alright before she ran past him. She felt humiliated and the worst part was she could only blame herself. While she might hate it, Roy had sounded genuine when he asked his question. He had been concerned that Jason could be hurt by her and she could respect that. Hansa only stopped moving when she found a small hidden spot next to the water. She wondered what would happen now. Tim knew about pretty much all her life but she had been able to wave off Jason about it, though she was pretty sure Jason and Tim spoke about it behind her back. ~ "So all in all it's been a terrible day" Hansa said summarizing the day in a sentence for herself. She wanted to laugh when it started to rain. Most people would count that as making the day worse but Hansa thought it made the day just a little better. Hansa stayed there in the rain by the water for a long time before she heard footsteps and felt a warm body sit next to her. She only glanced over a little and relaxed seeing it was the red hood. She thought she saw Red Robin nearby but she instead just focused back on the water. "That wasn't safe, you know. running off alone not saying where you were going just as the sky was growing dark." Red Hood said and Hansa wanted to roll her eyes at the change to his voice. "I honestly didn't care at the time and i haven't run into any bad guys so your point is moot. Even if i had, i am AR so your point is like double moot." She said in reply. "Damn it Hansa. I was worried. Did you and Roy fight or something?" Red hood asked and Hansa could just barely hear the tone to it that always screamed 'Jason' to her. "He didn't tell you?" She asked wondering if it was for her benefit or his own. "No. He was rather quiet about the specifics." Red hood said and Hansa could tell it made him more curious as well as more worried. Hansa squeezed the bridge of her nose between two fingers before sighing. "I tried to convince Roy to teach me archery, he said he would if i answered a question, i didn't like the question so i punched him in the jaw, i overshared, and i ran so i would have a bit of time to feel less humiliated." She said summarizing in a vague way. ~ She could tell by the way he was sitting that he was still curious but seemed to see Hansa was done explaining. Hansa sighed standing up before saying "i should get home. My mother is going to be more pissed than usual." Red hood stood and nodded. "we'll make sure you get home safe" he said and ignored the sound Hansa made the was a mix of amusement as well as half hearted offense. "Fine" she said with a shrug. Getting walked home by her friend and boyfriend who were in costume could be both good and bad. Good because she hadn't seen them much recently and bad because she could be a target in her civilian side now instead of just her vigilante side. "Tell Roy he owes me an archery lesson in like two weeks." She told Red hood before hurrying ahead to enter her home. She was met with her mother standing there tapping her foot. Hansa gave an apologetic expression that she didn't really feel. ~ she had a key so she could get inside. She had stopped feeling guilty about her nightlife after the fourth time she saved her mother from a mugger. She had almost broke cover the first time but as time went on she just wanted to shake her mother and tell her to stay inside at night. He father knew about Hansa being AR. She hadn't even known he was suspicious until he barged into her room just as she was putting on the mask. She was already in most of her suit by then and she had gaped at him. He had seemed frozen for a minute before telling her that they would talk when she came back from patrols. They had talked about the reasons she was doing it and whatever else her father wanted to know. It was later she learned that her father would start trying to gain custody of her. He was still trying for that but it was an uphill battle.

[tempesteddies]

Fear is a hell of a drug

One of the things i mentioned @coffee-randomness and i am using the prompt thing. It has 1 and like 51.

There is a bit of cursing.

~

“I feel like I’m losing my damn mind.” Hansa mumbled as she did her best to shrink down more. She had her back to a corner and was sitting with her knees drawn to her chest. Her chest felt heavy and like her heart was being squeezed. Jason had found her minutes ago and he looked unsure on how to help her.

She could feel the cold trail of tears on her face that made her want to duck down and hide her vulnerability from the world. Three days of no sleep and a canister of fear toxins had her jumping at every shadow while she did everything she could not to scream at the things that appeared before her eyes.

She was pretty sure she had escaped Batman’s notice when she had helped out on a patrol three days ago. She had kept the gas from dispersing to civilians but accidentally ended up inhaling a majority of the gas herself before she slinked away to her apartment where she had shacked up for the three days.

“Well,” Jason commented quietly, “that explains why you were silent for three days” he continued as he knelt nearby but didn’t move closer. He frowned hearing her whisper “your not real. Your just trying to get to me again. Get it over with.”

Jason didn’t move to touch her even though he wanted to. He could see her heart hammering just by the movement of her body which was still if not for her hammering heart and her rapid breathing. The last thing he wanted to do was startle her into an offensive mode. An out of control Azure Riptide was something that was a big fear for Hansa.

“Come on! What are you waiting for!” Hansa yelled at him and she started fidgeting as she grew agitated. He could spot her nervous tics as well as the signs she was edging toward some sort of anxiety attack from lack of sleep and the constant vigilance her paranoia demanded.

Jason would secretly admit he was a bit out of his element here. He just wasn’t sure how to help but he knew three people that would know something. He pulled out his phone before grudgingly calling Tim’s phone. Tim had known Hansa longest, knew her best, and knew a thing or two about anxiety. Whether he knew how to help Hansa was to be seen though.

Tim’s phone was answered with the question “you find her?” And Jason would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so serious. “I found her at her apartment. She is not doing too hot. Fear toxins and a lot of it apparently. Enough to make Hansa look a minute away from cracking under the pressure” Jason told him and heard Tim swear before there was a sound of movement on the phone.

Jason glanced at Hansa and saw that she looked the smallest bit less on edge from the little she could probably hear of Tim’s voice. “Jay, I am heading your way. Just try not to move or anything if you can help it. You might set her off by accident” Tim told him and Jason scowled but gave a sound in agreement.

The only movement Jason allowed himself was to go from kneeling to sitting. Hansa’s eyes follow the movement but he can tell that she isn’t seeing him so much as her mind is twisting his movements into something threatening. He sees her muscles tense as if she will spring in seconds.

She makes an almost choking sound from how dry her throat is and likely meant for it to sound threatening. She has always tried imitating wolves and bears but hasn’t been successful yet. Jason feels his throat tighten making it hard to swallow with how useless he feels right now.

Before Jason has too much time to be upset with current events, Tim carefully enters Hansa’s apartment carrying a bottle of raspberry lemonade. Tim moves so he is walking from behind Jason. He doesn’t want to make her feel threatened if she has to split her attention between two different spots.

When Tim gets closer, it is obvious that his presence relaxses Hansa the tiniest bit. She still is acting like a coiled rattle snake but she looks less like she might suddenly go for someones throat. She’s calmer but less than Jason thought she would have been by seeing Tim, who had been a close friend to her since she got a scholarship to Gotham Academy, which made Jason feel better and worse.

“Hansa, here’s some of your favorite lemonade.” Tim said as he leaned over and gently set the bottle a few feet from her. Her eyes followed the movement almost suspiciously before she croaked out “promise?”

Tim held back a smile. He was pretty sure that Hansa would take that as a threat if he did. “Pinky promise” he replied and held out his hand with his pinky by itself. He didn’t expect her to do the same but it gave her the reassurance enough for her to reach out and take the bottle.

Hansa took a sip while keeping her eyes on them but they could see she seemed to like it. Hansa started drinking eagerly and by the time half the bottle was empty Hansa started getting drowsy. She made a distressed sound and Tim walked over. He sat down before pulling Hansa into his arms to soothe her as she struggled to stay awake.

“I’ve got you, you’re safe now.” Tim told her softly. “Jason and I will protect you. You just get some rest now so you’ll feel better.” Tim continued until Hansa was asleep in his arms with a frown on her face.

“What did you do?” Jason asked looking suspicious. “The lemonade has a bit of some sleep medicine in it. Not enough to taste but she’s always been sensitive to medicine like that.” Tim explained.

“It would have taken hours or even days to get her calm. She’s been like that for three days. She is probably lucky to be alive and probably did it through force of will” Tim continued before he and Jason stood up.

Tim held Hansa out for Jason to carry as he knew Jason would want to hold his girlfriend to reassure himself that she was okay or at least would be. Tim leads them from her apartment and locks the door behind them before heading to the car he came in.

“We should get her checked out at the cave. To make sure that when she wakes up, she won’t be under the influence of the fear toxins.” Tim told him and Jason nodded before moving to seat Hansa in the backseat. He had come over on his motorcycle thinking that Hansa had just gotten caught up in a game or a book.

~

The drive over was quick before both boys got Hansa out of the car and onto a bed in the cave. There had been some arguments between Jason and the rest of the family about the identity nonsense until Jason exploded yelling at them.

“Hansa knows all our identities and has for years. She is Azure Riptide and has been close friends with Tim for years. So what, now that she’s dating me she suddenly isn’t trustworthy!?!” Jason had shouted stunning a few of them.

They had wanted to blindfold her but both Tim and Jason vetoed the idea knowing that Hansa would momentarily freak out thinking she had gone blind. Alfred’s arrival down in the cave distracted both boys for a moment but the moment was just long enough for Damian to tie Hansa down to the bed.

Jason noticed and started fighting with Damian over it. “You mentioned she is a restless sleeper. She could mess up the IV.” Damian said to explain. “That is a horrible way to do it. Hansa won’t even need the gas to freak out about this.” Jason argued.

“Yeah, tying her down like that will give her an anxiety attack. She gave herself one once by imagining something like this. Like i get the reason but this isn’t the way to do it.” Tim said in agreement with Jason. It was a bit weird to be agreeing with him but that was what they got with Jason dating a close friend of Tim’s.

~

Once things had quieted down, Jason and Tim sat next to Hansa’s bedside. They weren’t expecting her to wake up but she seemed to stir. When she was awake enough, she focused her eyes on Tim before saying “That was a dick move. Thanks though, Asshole.”

Tim gave a small laugh before he said “Pinky Promises can be broken if the need is dire. You told me that.” Hansa gave a half hearted glare before shooing him so she could talk to Jason before she fell asleep again.

“Pretty stupid of me. Trying to deal with being gassed alone. Sorry” she told him looking regretful as she sat up. She might not remember everything about those three days, having probably repressed most of it, but she could tell that whatever had happened had hurt or at least really upset him.

“Yeah it was stupid. You could have died.“Jason grumbled and Hansa grabbed hold of his hand that was near hers as of he had been holding hers before she woke up. "Sorry you saw me like that” she apologized and Jason gave a scowl.

“You stupid fuck, I was worried and useless. You saw me as a threat. Tim all but waltzed in and you were fine with him.” Jason said sounding angry though she couldn’t tell who he was angry at.

“Jason, don’t you get it? I am not afraid of you but of what you could do. You could break up with me, leave me, hate me, reject me, and a bunch of other shit.” She explained looking almost sad that he didn’t realize that.

“Tim has been my friend for years. i won’t lie there was a time near the beginning, i wondered if we could be more, but it wouldn’t have worked out. there are things i fear he could do too but most of them are the same as my fears of you.” She continued and raised an eyebrow when she saw his free hand curl into a fist before clenching.

“He and i have talked about them before though. I know they are still possible but he has been there when i needed him so my mind trusts him a bit more. That isn’t saying i don’t trust you or am not already half in love with you.” Hansa says urgently trying to get him to hear her.

“Loving someone gives them a lot of power to hurt you and that scares me shitless” Hansa says with a teary laugh. Jason had seemed to jump to attention hearing her say those things. He seemed to be watching her intensely as if trying to read her which wasn’t very hard as she was still half asleep and looked a bit delirious.

“Go back to sleep, dipshit. I’ll be here when you wake up fully rested.” Jason told her giving her hand a gentle squeeze. Hansa gave a small fond smile before she laid back down while still holding his hand. She drew it close to her chest as she slowly felt herself drifting to sleep. Jason sighed unclenching his fist before using the hand to lightly run his fingers through her hair.