The Ghosts of Truth (Forget Me Please, Kylo Ren x Fem!Reader) -Chapter Three - Part One
A/N: I’ve been so stuck in writing this, but I’ve decided to split this chapter in half because it’s been far too long since of I’ve updated! My sincere apologies and please enjoy this small chapter of pure angst. Here’s the Masterlist if you need to refresh yourselves or if you're new :)
Summary: Journeying to the Death Star wreckage, (Y/N) must confront the ghosts of the past she’s spent years running from. Meanwhile the Resistance three begin to realize the masked ally isn’t who they thought she was.
Warning(s): Angst, sad reader,
Word Count: 2716
A scoff of disbelief echoed through the confines of the small faded mask. Of all the ships in the galaxy… The interior of the beat up old freighter had seen better days, it was worn and seedier than she remembered. The walls were discolored and overall, the ship just looked tired.
Despite her outer appearance of feigned annoyance and mild disgust, (Y/N) felt faint. A cold sweat broke across her concealed forehead and dampened the rest of her skin. Her limbs tingled with the dull pain of numbness, leaving her immobile, and her mouth was drawn together in a pucker from the bitter taste flowing like venom on her taste buds. And she had barely set foot inside, the boarding ramp just behind her. She could not fathom taking another step further.
It was like looking at a life from long ago. No, she swallowed thickly, that was too hopeful. Her eyes flickered around, chest tight with resurfacing pain. Pain that she had tried to extinguish over the years, but to no avail. It was always there inside her and now it was awake.
“Hey, we got the landing gear in decent shape … for now. So ready when you are.” The man with the dark curly hair came around the corner. Poe, he had introduced himself as beneath the quiet winds of Endor. Grease was smudged across his one cheek and his eyebrows furrowed quickly as he took notice of the visor closed on (Y/N)’s mask. His startlement was quite easy to read. It was pleasing to witness the dawning of their realizations that she was not what they had envisioned for an ally. A Force user perhaps, but not her.
(Y/N) was no ally, she was no soldier, not anymore. She actively avoided this war, vanishing to a planet untouched since the end of the Galactic Civil War, a war she heard stories of since her youth. An old war that seemed to define the path of the future. She was determined to stay hidden, an unknown shadow in a forest riddled with remnants of old battles. This desire had almost allowed her to turn her back on the three young Resistance members, but then the melody filled her ears. The song that reminded her why she had disappeared in the first place and why she could no longer stay hidden. Nor could she avoid this fight forever, not when the Resistance stood before her at the request of their General. And as the three intruders began discussing the origin of the bird song, (Y/N) knew she needed to join them before their curiosity grew too much. If she could manage, if it was even a possibility, she would emerge from this fight with her secrets still intact.
“We’re ready.”
Gritting her teeth, (Y/N) glanced over her shoulder to glare at the young Jedi. Speaking of secrets… (Y/N) was still shaken from the memory Rey had witnessed when touching the one saber. She had observed as the events unfolded inside the young woman’s eyes and how horrified she had looked. (Y/N) knew the feeling… Still she was furious Rey had touched the saber and in turn revealed a piece of her past. A dark piece too. Worse, she resented the way Rey seemed to connect the dots, drawing together a small part of the truth.
(Y/N) had seen red when the girl voiced her awareness, the dread and sorrow dissipating from her entirely. She could barely control herself when she towered over the young woman and delivered her menacing warning. Rey knew nothing of her story, of her past. A simple glance into a nightmare of a memory did not provide total insight. And (Y/N) had intended for it to be that way, for the truth to be concealed, always.
Rey’s eyes flitted over to hers and the two women were mute, locked into each other, blind to the barrier of the mask. Rey was in shock as well, her telling eyes giving it away. Her mind frantically kept reviewing the night of the fire, replaying the words over and over again. (Y/N) could see the frightened brown eyes that had gazed so intensely down at her that night so long ago. Grimacing, she let the mask drop away from Rey, attempting to block out the image that haunted her for years. Rey’s sympathy and regret also oozed from her aura. (Y/N) did not want it.
Yet, beneath it all she could feel confusion. The girl obviously felt something, something she could not place, something between the two of them. The unsureness left Rey feeling upset and frustrated. She was… naive. Perhaps that was the wrong way to describe it, the girl was smart and resourceful, but with all that was transpiring it fashioned (Y/N) into a sullen creature who was not above being condescending.
(Y/N) was not ignorant though. She knew what the feeling was, it was something she had felt for most of her life until just before she went into hiding. It was a calling, beckoning them closer, a pure and rare connection. In the back of her mind she admitted that it was only appropriate. She knew Rey’s origin, the Force illuminating it so, and with who (Y/N) was it only made sense that the Force would connect them all. But she would offer no solace, she could not provide it, not like this, when she was drowning in anguish. And as she had so clearly stated before she was nobody’s hope, just a child of the Force, lost among the stars.
(Y/N) did not speak nor spare another glance as she turned to leave the two Resistance members in the corridor. “The main hold is just-” Poe spoke but she only raised her hand, efficiently silencing him. She knew where she was going. It was burned into her memory, leaving a scar just like everything else.
As she followed the curved path of the corridor, (Y/N) caught a glimpse of the cockpit just down the adjoining hall. Her throat tightened and a fiery ache erupted inside her at the sight, the quick movements of gold plating and dark brown fur coming from inside only added to the pain.
A day in the thick Endorian forest beneath the basking glow of the rising sun, resurfaced in her mind. (Y/N) recalled freezing in her tracks, her possessions slipping from her hands as unbearable pain bursted inside her. She had fallen to the moss covered ground, clutching roughly at her chest, tears stinging in her eyes. Through the Force she had felt pure agony, but she was uncertain if it had been the father’s or the son’s.
Tears pricked her eyes now and the ill feeling in her intensified. Stumbling forward, her legs felt twice their weight but it was an afterthought to the screaming in her head instructing her to get away. But she could not escape, not now. She was stuck on this ship, stuck with remembering.
The main hold came into view and (Y/N)’s knees gave out, dropping her into the rounded bench. The table before her used to host many games now it was just empty, abandoned. Much like the past and the future dreamt of. Her trembling elbows came to rest on the surface and she let out a breathy exhale.
Closing her eyes, she cradled her durasteel covered head in her clammy hands. It was as if she could hear the voices of the past: children running through the many halls, the motherly scolding to be careful, hiding in the smuggling compartments only for the hatch to be lifted and that familiar head of dark hair with hidden silver strands to peer down with that infamous smirk and coy laugh. That was all gone now, dead.
A shudder raked over her stiffened body. It felt as if she could not breathe, a weight pressing down on her lungs. Her dominant hand trailed down to her worn green tunic and pressed firmly against the indent of her sternum, seeking any relief to the pressure she could find.
The voices of the past seemed to louden, tumbling over each other until they turned into streams of noise, like a ship jumping into lightspeed. (Y/N) took a deep breath and mentally scolded herself. She needed to regain her control, she needed to focus on the task at hand so she could return to Endor as soon as possible. She already missed the lush greenery and the fresh air, the air she could breathe in, where the reminders of the past were not so painful. But it was not so easy, the noise would not quiet, and the torment would not subside.
This was looking death in the eyes.
“We’ll be your new home, if you’d like.”
“Found ya, kids. You know you two would make good smugglers one day.” “Han!”
“I’m not scared of you. I’m not B-”
A presence entered the area, pulling (Y/N) out from the labyrinth she had been lost in. She was unsure how long had passed, the snare in her mind too difficult to escape. The weakness growing inside allowed for all of this to slip past the barricades she had built. (Y/N) was almost glad for the interruption as it prevented the worst from slipping through. The very thing she had entombed deep within herself. The monster that would drown her.
She did not lift her head nor spare any acknowledgement to indicate she knew of the other person here. She did not want to be asked any more questions, not from her. The inquisitive girl was awfully quiet though…
From the corner of her eye, (Y/N) caught sight of Rey, who stood motionless on the other side of the small room. Her eyes were glazed over with rumination and almost entirely unfocused as she stared in (Y/N)’s direction. What was she seeking out?
Rey blinked returning from her deep trance with a look of somber falling onto her face. She looked down, seeming to be conversing with herself inwardly. Her hands danced around at her sides like she was playing an invisible instrument, it made (Y/N) anxious. It seemed as if the girl was debating over whether or not to say something. Rey’s fingers suddenly flexed outwards, reflecting the decision she had come to. Rey took a small step forward, lips parting to speak. (Y/N) winced in preparation.
“I can feel the turmoil inside you, the pain in remembering.” Her words struck a small match inside a dark hidden corner of (Y/N)’s mind. The giddy laughter of a boy playing in a meadow flashed across her mind. It was gone in a second, like a match dying out, but it had left its mark. (Y/N) staggered up, ignoring the dull ache that spread up her leg as she hit it against the round table. She could not breathe, could not find the strength to beg Rey to stop before she continued to harm her.
“I felt your fear on Endor.” Children, a boy and a girl, sat beneath the sinking sun imitating the call of the birds sorrowing above. A gasp tumbled out of (Y/N)’s quivering lips, her head furiously shaking and demanding for the brunette to stop.
“You must have hope…” A grand ball, swirls of gowns, and shared timid glances. Her hands flew to the sides of the helmet as if she could block out Rey’s voice and the misery that followed.
“Hope for this war…” Fire consumed the large divine structure of a temple. Closing her eyes (Y/N) whimpered, pressing a hand to her abdomen. She felt dizzy, her surroundings spinning as her mind did.
“Hope for him.” (Y/N)’s head shot up, her eyes snapping open. The words were barely audible as they escaped Rey, almost as if she knew how dangerous it would be to utter them. And indeed they were…
“No.” (Y/N) choked out desperately trying to suppress what memories were being illuminated by the match, but it was too late, the damage was done. The monster was free. Hair as dark as night, soft pleading eyes filled with sadness and adoration. Sweet words and caresses, comfort sought out beneath the starry sky, bright smiles by the glistening lake.
The main hold began to tremble, durasteel creaking as her hands curled into tight fists. Her vision transformed into the red hot fury it had on Endor when the girl had spoken of the memory. Anger coursed through her veins, her connection to the Force strengthening, and (Y/N) fixated on the foolish girl, ready to unleash.
“Hope?” She spit out in disgust. “I held out hope for so long,” (Y/N) took menacing steps forward as Rey retreated slowly. A hand outstretched, willing something roughly into its grasp. “Look where it’s gotten me!”
Before Rey had a moment to absorb the resentment in (Y/N)’s voice or question what she truly meant by her words, a beam of indigo illuminated the room. Lunging forward, (Y/N) hovered the blade of light an inch above Rey’s throat.
The naive Resistance member knew nothing of her, of where she came from, of what she faced, of who she truly was… No one did. And yet, Rey felt she could tell her to have hope. (Y/N) would have laughed if she could have. Hope was the reason she had ended up on Endor, hidden and carrying the burden of lies and death. Hope was for children.
Glaring down at the young woman, (Y/N) could feel the Force surrounding them blaze to life with such an intensity that she was forced to suck in a harsh breath. The vivacious current penetrated her and flowed through Rey as well, blindly connecting through energy, through life. It was overpowering to the senses but (Y/N) already felt numb. Nonetheless she drank in the feeling of connection. It reminded her of the whole and pure feeling she had felt her whole life before it had been torn from her soul, leaving a hollow ache that never faded.
Realization dawned upon her in the midst of all this and (Y/N) focused on Rey. Fear pooled in the hazel irises of the girl, mirroring the fearful brown eyes that had pleaded to her the night of the fire. Rey was the reason the barricades that protected her were crumbling down. She was why the memory of him was resurfacing. The reason why (Y/N) was crumbling down too.
“You’re no Jedi.” Rey breathed out, eyes cautiously flickering between the ignited lightsaber tightly grasped in (Y/N)’s dominant hand and the closed visor of the mask. A position she had found herself in for the second time that day.
Her words took (Y/N) by surprise, but she was not wrong. She could read Rey’s inner thoughts of confusion, the inability to fully understand the duality she felt surrounding (Y/N)’s aura. It was unlike anything Rey had felt and yet the girl’s mind knew the importance of it. Fear began to dissipate from Rey’s eyes instead being replaced by curiosity. But that was enough to douse (Y/N)’s temper.
Curiosity was worse.
With a soft whoosh her lightsaber was turned off and sheathed back onto her worn leather belt. “No, I’m not.” Her voice was lower, but still taut. (Y/N) took a weak step backwards and only then did the last match flare up. “You and I were written in the stars, brought together by the Force.”
The rich voice echoed across her mind and (Y/N) had to bite her bottom lip to contain the sob threatening to rip through her. Oh how far life had strayed from those evenings in the meadow underneath the sky and the breathtaking colors of dusk. How far they had strayed from the ways of the Jedi. How far they had strayed from such an intertwined destiny. But it was the only way… to be shrouded in lies and deception.
“The Jedi are dead.” With that (Y/N) turned swiftly, exiting the main hold.
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