#b612 struggles

[46610besixdouze]

whatsapp has never before been quieter than this exact moment

[46610besixdouze]

there's something i crave so badly but i don't know what it is or what to do about it.

i'm lying to myself. i know exactly what it is. it's not just one thing but rather an assortment of things with varying levels of struggle and challenges, and i find it easier to not look too closely into it.

i'm kidding. it's not easy at all. trying to sort through it and go at it one objective at a time and ignoring it entirely is both equally hard. thing is, only one benefits me in the end. it is easy. i just...i don't know.

[46610besixdouze]

last week, I fell on the stairs and it was witnessed by two of my teachers, fell on another seat in the bus trying to let someone sit by the window, fell trying to sit on my chair because I kicked it, and finally, fell asleep on the bus and drooled on the inside of my mask which I had to keep wearing for 45 mins after

[46610besixdouze]

i've never felt more lonely and helpless than when i don't understand a concept (which i have a test on, mind you) and none of my teachers or peers are available to help me

[46610besixdouze]

gosh darn it, i'm trying but i'm not trying enough

[46610besixdouze]

that self-deprecating moment when you mentally read the textbook in an entirely misconstrued tone that you grasp the concept wrong and struggle for the next whole week as you try to desperately unlearn and relearn everything whilst also trying to keep up with the class' pace