9/27/19 “Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself”
About a week ago I was in the US on the beautiful big island of Hawaii. My partner, Sam, and I went for vacation to see his family and do some exploring before his deployment to Afghanistan. A great pit-stop on my way from Washington State to Australia and lovely farewell. Mostly, we focused on the exploring. From snorkeling with sea turtles, to Balboa dance closes, to climbing through waterfalls. It was so nice to get the private tour of the island from the locals’ side of things.
There are few things on earth that I am truly afraid of, but swimming in dark waters is a good way to get my adrenaline going. We went to a spot only the locals would know about to explore a series of hidden waterfalls. The hike in was mesmerizing (and delicious). Everything was so green and lush. The trails lined with a wide array of tropical foliage, including lots of guava trees, lead the way to an exotic piece of paradise.
When we got to the river, I was blown away. A small reservoir opened up the lush jungle to show off several waterfalls cascading over lava rock in the distance. At first glance, the water looked incredibly inviting. The scene was like something from a movie, enticing and welcoming; it almost begged you to jump and go for a swim. Once we got to the edge of the water, however, is was clear—that the water was not actually clear. At all. We found a spot where it looked like there were probably, hopefully no rocks and began to put on our snorkel gear. I let Sam go first. He didn’t die or hit anything on the way in, so it seemed fine. Still, I paused for a long moment and considered my options. What was I really about to jump into? What kind of creatures swim around in there? Likely nothing to be worried about, but this was far from anything I’ve known growing up in the temperate pacific northwest where all you have to worry about is maybe a brown trout nibbling at your toes. Who knows what could be in there? It was either jump in or back out. (It was a very short consideration). Momma didn’t raise no quitter, and no way was I about to miss out on this epic dive. And so, I went.
Bombs away.
Life is like that sometimes. This is not the first, nor the last time I’ve felt the exhilaration of diving into the unknown. What is life, but a never-ending challenge to face our inherent fears? If there is one thing that scares me more than dark waters, it is to become too comfortable, too soft, too watered-down to face my fears. As the famous quote from Franklin D Roosevelt goes, “there is nothing to fear but fear itself”. A truer statement, I’ve never heard. Though some find comfort in the familiar, I find the safety of usual routine life to be monotonous and bland. Something deep within my soul craves the adventure of discovery and exploration. To go new places, meet new people, and find a new fear to face. For better or for worse, this is the way my brain has been hard-wired to live.
The water looked something like soy sauce, dark and reddish. I couldn’t see anything past an arm’s length and once ran into a rock because it was really that murky that I could not see it until I was touching it. I’d go back and forth between keeping my head underwater for a long moment and looking above the surface to regain my bearings. It was nerve-racking, but also beautiful and more than worth it. We found caves that looked like old lava tunnels, climbed up slippery rocks through rushing water, dove off cliffs, and basked in the misty spray of the fifty-foot falls up the river. It still doesn’t feel real. Few times in life have I been disappointed in my decision to face a fear.
I find thorough back stories to be grueling and tedious, so let’s keep this short and simple. If you’re wondering what I went to Hawaii for and what I’m now doing in Australia, then here’s the long story short. Last Christmas I graduated from college, and as a graduation gift from the universe, my whole life fell apart. Thanks, universe. After that I got a full-time position in the lab where I had been working on campus while in school. Things were looking up, sort of. It was quite honestly a great job. Really. Sometimes I wonder why I ever left. I had a lovely apartment at a reasonable price, a great boss and coworkers, good pay, a regular gym routine and was in great shape because of it. I felt healthy and well-taken care of. The problem was that one night, I was lying in bed thinking about my life, and realized: I was far too comfortable. Life was good, but not fulfilling. As a single woman in her early 20s, with no student debt and complete freedom from any relational obligations, living like a 40-year-old woman with my nice little meal-prep routine and 9-5 job, I had to have a stern talk with myself. I had to move. I had to get out of town and challenge myself. I needed a new adventure.
I got a job working in Colorado as a wrangler—meaning I guided out horseback trail rides in the Rocky Mountain National Park. Not quite as cushy as working in the lab, but in a good way. I grew up with horses my entire life and wanted to get back into it because I had missed it while being in school. The work was easy, the people were exhausting for the first couple months. I no longer had the respect that I did from my previous boss. I was treated as a low-end employee that was completely disposable and was not paid what I was worth. However, I didn’t go for the money, nor for the respect. I went for the hard work, for the early mornings and long days, for the challenge, for the fresh mountain air, for the excuse to get paid (no matter how little) to ride a horse every day for work. I went because life is short, and if we measure our happiness by comfort, then we will miss out on so many opportunities to grow as an individual and overcome new obstacles.
Colorado was great, but it was only a summer job. My contract ended at the end of August and it was time for the next phase—another new adventure. I looked into various jobs for seasonal winter positions related to conservation work to get back into what I went to school for, but it was tricky trying to find something that had employee housing and seemed interesting enough to satisfy me. I began to stress out about how I was going to find something I would actually enjoy doing for the winter months. (This is a big deal to me because I struggle with seasonal depression and knew I needed to go somewhere that would be good for my mental health). I had a talk with my mom about it all and she put things into a better perspective for me. Again, I have no student debt. I am young, and I nothing to tie me down. Why worry about finding a job right away when I have enough savings to live on? Why not just travel and do something good for myself? Gosh I love my mom.
My first choice of places to travel to was Australia. I’ve wanted to come here ever since I was a little girl. Why I don’t know, but something in me is deeply attracted to Australia. I had a lot of doubts in my mind about the trip and still continued to look around for a real job, but nothing seemed right. I have been in constant prayer this year for God to lead where I am needed, where I can grow in Him, and to open and close doors where needed to ensure that I follow Him in the right direction. I couldn’t get upset about all the closed doors when I had prayed for them. Really, it was just God’s hand working in my life as I had requested.
Traveling doesn’t scare me all that much. I’m used to going new places on my own and, in fact, thrive off the liberation of solo traveling. That’s not to say it’s always easy, but solitude in an unfamiliar place can teach you a lot about yourself—about myself. It was the lack of responsibility, of purpose, of structure and financial income that scared me. I was raised to be a hard-working woman, so going without a job or a real plan for a month or two was highly unsettling. It was for that reason that I realized this would be good for me. I put too much pressure on myself. My mom was right; why stress? This is a time to just do something good for myself and learn how to have fun and relax again.
Thus, here am I. In Sydney, Australia of all places, diving into the next unknown. If this is anything like the waterfall excursion, then I know it will be well worth it all.
I have a negotiation setup with a host just outside in Brisbane in a small rural town. The family that will be hosting me has an equine education facility and I will be helping them with their horses to earn my room and board. The program I went through is called Workaway. If you are interested in budget traveling, I highly recommend checking out his sight!
This week I am exploring the coast between Sydney and Brisbane until I meet up with my host. Stay tuned for pictures and videos of the beautiful eastern coast and all the exciting details along the way!
Stay Wild,
Rose