#bacon.says

[actuallysaiyan]

Some people really need to realize how terribly they are treating fanfiction writers here. You do realize that the people who write these fics are doing it for free and also can be writing them for hours, days, weeks!! Some of your favorite fics might even be years old labors of love!

So if you enjoy fanfiction, just remember that someone put thought and love and energy into it AND decided to post it for free to share it with you.

[actuallysaiyan]

y'all I say this with my whole chest and my whole heart but the world isn't against you, most people aren't against you, people aren't starting cliques to be against you and certainly aren't thinking to undermine you

And if they are, please know that has to be the lowest form of fuckery there is. Touch some grass, drink some water and maybe idk fucking find something else to do

Fandoms are supposed to be fun and yes there can be competitiveness and jealousy, but at the end of the day, it's sooooo not that deep

Please don't spend time feeling like you aren't good enough because you must certainly are and I know this for a FACT

Much love to everyone. I know the world is lonely and cruel and cold, but I'm giving each one of you a big hug and to know that while I'm not always here, I am here with you 💚💚💚

[actuallysaiyan]

For legal purposes, this is a joke. Hope all my American friends have a wonderful Thanksgiving and that it is easy for you all and you eat some yummy stuff! Love y'all 🥰🥰

[actuallysaiyan]

in life, sometimes we meet people who surprise us and we don't realize just how close we'll get with them. Sometimes we just let these things grow and they become someone so close to you. And then one day...they just aren't there anymore and you literally blame yourself for years even if you didn't do anything wrong.

Jason was one of my best friends, even if it was just a short period of time. I was in my early twenties, didn't know what I was doing or where I was going. By chance, he ended up being my coworker. I think he thought I was super weird, but we bonded.

I still remember the first Sunday shift I worked with him. We were opening the store together. Someone must have played Fallout recently in my apartment, cause I just wanted to listen to Fallout music. And I remember he was listening to it and he said "wow this sounds like Fallout music." And I laughed and said "that's because it is."

And from that moment, we were so close. We fought like cats and dogs or like siblings. I loved him and still love him dearly. I believe he was my soulmate. I used to always go to his place, late at night, just wanting to be near him cause I just loved him so much.

And then he moved back home to his home province and I was heartbroken. We stayed in touch but from what I could tell, his life only got worse and his friends ditched him after he got sick. He had anticipated such a good homecoming and it was just bad. And I tried so hard to get him to come back but...

One day, I was scrolling on Facebook and I saw his sister had made a post. My soulmate was gone. He had taken his own life. Ever since that day, I still carry that guilt inside of me because I feel like I could have done more. I really always feel that way.

This was a long story and I know not everyone will read this and that's fine. Please remember that you are so loved. People adore you and love to have you around, even on the days you can't even stand yourself. Most importantly, I love you. I'm here to be a friend.

I leave you with one of the songs Jason always used to sing at work. Happy heavenly birthday, my dear. You will always be missed.

[actuallysaiyan]

I'm going to be very vulnerable here for a moment.

Nobody has to pretend to like me or pretend to be my friend or anything like that. I'm not popular and that's okay, I've never really been popular in my life. I have a good following on here which always astonishes me and I try to be super transparent with that number as much as possible. That number is at 8591 as of right now.

I am so grateful for everyone following me and all the love I've gotten over the years. It really means so much to me. And as my hyperfixations fluctuate and I may not always be active on this blog, I just want you to know that those of you who have chosen me to be your friend, that friendship is for a long time and not just fleeting.

I really just want to reiterate that nobody has to pretend to be my friend or pretend to like me cause you think maybe I'm something I'm not. And it's okay to realize maybe I'm not the person you thought I was.

I'm flawed AF. I'm still learning to be someone on this planet just like everyone else.

In the words of one of my most favorite artists, "I don't think I'm easy to talk about. I've got a very irregular head. And I'm not anything that you think I am anyway."

Really I just wanted to come on here and be transparent and honest with everyone. If you've read this far, just know that I am rooting for you and I am so glad you're in this life and you deserve happiness.

[actuallysaiyan]

I love youuuu

You are so loved.

When times are so hard, please imagine me or your favorite blorbo giving you the biggest hug!

You can do it, I believe in you and I love you for all the steps you take!!

[actuallysaiyan]

i hope everyone has an amazing holiday season and I apologize for being MIA

There is a certain puppy dog eyed metalhead that has caught my attention again and I swear I've fallen even deeper for him since the first time I saw him in 2022

[actuallysaiyan]

Do people just not reblog at all anymore? Curious to see what the thought behind is this. It's not even about me and my own works, it's about my moots, my friends and my inspirations.

Do you reblog? If you do, do you comment?

I'm rather curious to know the status on this these days.