WISHLIST (27): OF SUNSETS AND SECRETS
Story: Wishlist; Chapter 27: Of Sunsets and Secrets
Author: Narwhal
TRIGGER WARNING for child abuse
“You don’t have to tell me. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“I want to tell you. Maybe it’ll make it easier if another person knows."
Or
Baekhyun learns something. It changes nothing, though.
Hi guys! I'm bringing you this longer than usual hybrid of two Things I never thought I would do, and touching deeper themes. There's a lot of small things that are important for the plot in here, most of them not as obvious, but still there. Please tell me if you like chapters like this, or if you like them the way I was previously doing them so I can decide what to do. x
Kyungsoo and Jongdae were making dinner for the six people in the flat. Well, more like Kyungsoo was making dinner while stopping Jongdae from making a mess.
Minseok and Yixing were laying comfortably on the couch, and Baekhyun was amusing himself by throwing popcorn at his boyfriend, who had long stopped complaining about the attack, and began catching it with his mouth and munching on it, both softly laughing when a piece hit him in the eye or nose.
The news were playing on the background, but no one was paying attention to them.
“… a fifty years old man was sentenced to death penalty this afternoon in Ilsan, found guilty of the murder of his children, a two years old daughter and a seven years old son that he brutally beat to death. The case generated widespread shock in the public as he was found by police after they found both bodies hidden inside…”
“ARGH!”
“Jongdae, you idiot, I told you to cut the pickled radish, not your hand!”
“Sorry, I just lost focus for a second!”
“Go wash that before it gets infected and stop dripping blood all over the floor!”
Baekhyun stopped throwing popcorn at Chanyeol as he saw Jongdae rush towards the bathroom, hand wrapped tightly by a red stained kitchen towel.
He waited for a little bit, but when he didn’t hear any water running, he set the popcorn bowl on top of the coffee table.
“I’ll go check if he needs any help. Chan, go help Soo or we’ll eat next year.”
He swiftly made his way to the bathroom, were he found a pale Jongdae, simply standing in front of the sink, kitchen towel forgotten on the floor, eyes glazed over and staring at his hand as the blood dripped from the wound onto the sink, forming a small red patch that grew larger by the minute, just as Jongdae’s face grew paler.
“Chen are you okay?” Baekhyun asked carefully, and that snapped his friend out of his own head.”
“Yeah, just… a little lightheaded.” He was suddenly swaying a little, and Baekhyun quickly rushed to stand behind him to stabilise him just in case he began to fall.
“It’s okay, let’s wash this and then I’ll get the first aid kit and we’ll get you patched up.”
He made quick work of washing the cut on Jongdae’s palm thoroughly, and then guided him to sit on the living room, signalling Yixing and Minseok to keep an eye on him as he went back to the bathroom to get everything he needed.
Baekhyun quickly knelt in front of Jongdae, taking his hand and carefully inspecting the wound. Fortunately, it was no longer bleeding, just a couple of drops here and there, but it looked better now the blood had been washed off and didn’t appear serious enough for a hospital trip.
“Okay, it’s not deep enough for you to need stitches, which is great. Now, this will burn, but bear with me, please.” He took the disinfectant soaked cotton ball and gently pressed it to the wound, making Jongdae whimper. I know, sorry. That’s it. Now, I’ll wrap it with gauze and you’ll be as good as new.” Baekhyun quickly wrapped the gauze bandage tightly, but not uncomfortably so around his flatmate’s hand, and patted his arm when he finished. “There, all done.”
“Thanks, Baek.” Jongdae said, leaning against the back of the couch. “Sorry for the trouble.”
“It’s okay, I’m used to helping with things like this. I used to volunteer at a children’s sports club when I was on secondary school for a while because of a school project, and there were lots of scrapped knees to take care of.” He said lightly.
The sound of Chanyeol and Kyungsoo yelling that the food was done made everyone quickly migrate to the table, and soon, the flat was filled with loud laughter and sounds of chopsticks hitting plates.
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Baekhyun sighed as he lay his forehead against his Introduction to Social Movements in History textbook. His brain was fried after reading non-stop since he had arrived home after a morning full of lectures. He looked at the clock, surprised to see it was so late already. Time had passed quickly without him realising.
He made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a box of pepero and a can of cola, and headed out of the flat, saying hello to Kyuhyun, who was coming out of the lift carrying grocery bags.
He pressed the button for the seventeenth floor, exiting the lift when the doors opened, and heading towards the door that hid the stairs that took him to the rooftop.
He was still surprised that no one in the whole seventeen floors high building used the roof other than the two of them (and the whole gang, of course. It was the go to place for impromptu barbecue parties.)
He sat on the chairs that were there for public use, sipping on his cola and eating the pepero absentmindedly.
He felt more than heard his mobile, and took it out of his pocket, smiling when he saw who was calling. He was quick to accept the Skype call, and the familiar face, framed by blonde hair soon filled the device’s screen.
“Mummy!” He exclaimed happily, smile wide.
“Hi Bernie! How’s my baby doing?”
“I’m 22, mum, I’m not a baby.”
“Hush you, you could be 60 with a spouse and children and you’d still be my baby.” His mum’s smile mirrored his, voice soft and sweet. “How’s everything going, Bernie?”
“Great! I’m at the rooftop, it’s almost time for sunset and you know I love it.”
“I know. When you were a child and we went to Spain on holidays, you would always whine that you should’ve been living there, so you could watch the sun set every day.”
“Well, I live on a high building now, so I can soak up eighteenth floor sunsets for a year before I go back to rainy England.” He munched on another pepero stick. “How’s everyone doing this week? I’m sorry I haven’t been able to call daily, uni is being a bother right now.”
“Everyone’s doing great, don’t worry son. We know you’re studying hard, and we’re so proud of you, and you’re doing it all on your second language! If someone had come to me while in Uni and asked me if I wanted to go for a year to France and take classes in French I would’ve probably hidden under the table until they left.” Baekhyun laughed. “Your father finally fixed the squeaking step on top of the stairs, and Lucy has been enjoying sneaking downstairs for a midnight snack without us knowing. By the way, your Gran is sending you a package, so as soon as I have the tracking number, I’ll give it to you.”
“Is it food? Please tell me it’s food. I’m about to die from Jaffa Cake withdrawal.”
“I think there might be some food in there.”
“YES! Tell Gran I love her so so much, and she’s my bestest Gran ever!”
“She’s your only Gran.”
“I know, but she’s still the bestest.”
“Bernard, go inside so I can see your face while we talk. I can tell the sun already set, and you’ll get ill if you stay outside, baby.”
Mum!”
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Baekhyun was startled into consciousness that night.
Disoriented, he wondered what it had been that had stirred him up, until he heard a distinct sob and whimpers of pain.
That had woken him up instantly, and he quickly put on his slippers and run to Jongdae’s room.
He found him trashing against his mattress, sweating profusely and screaming. Baekhyun rushed to the bed and took him by the shoulders.
“Chen.” He tried. “Chen wake up!” He shook him and the other woke up, instantly sitting up with a gasp, and instinctively trying to get away from his hold. “It’s okay, it’s me, Baekhyun. You’re safe.” Jongdae’s eyes lost the glazed look they had but filled with tears as he threw himself into Baekhyun’s arms, sobbing into his shirt as the older one hugged him tightly against his body, running his fingers through his hair in a calming manner. “It’s okay, it was just a nightmare.” Jongdae sobbed louder.
“I wish it was just a nightmare.” He choked out, sobs getting in the way of his words. Baekhyun shushed him, allowing him to cry, and eventually calm down. “Sorry. It’s been a while since this happened.”
“You get nightmares frequently?”
Jongdae doubted for a minute, and stared at Baekhyun’s face, scanning it for something. Whatever it was he was looking for, he seemed to find it.
“They’re not nightmares.” He took a deep breathe. “They’re flashbacks.”
Baekhyun gasped.
“You don’t have to tell me. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“I want to tell you. Maybe it’ll make it easier if another person knows.
You know, I wasn’t always Kim Jongdae from Siheung, Gyeonggi-do. Kim Jongdae was born when I was seven years old. Before that I was Jung Gunhyeong, from Jeonju, Jeollabuk-do.
My biological mother died when I was four. She was pregnant with my little sister, and we were all so, so excited. But something went wrong, and one day she was rushed to the hospital and never came back- I couldn’t really understand anything the doctors said, so I don’t know what happened to her, but I understood that she would never wake up, and that my baby sister was gone as well.
My biological father was fine for the first two or so months, grieving, but still treating me as he always had. But after that, he began drinking heavily.
Then, one day, he was extremely drunk when he came home. I had been waiting for hours for him to come back, and asked for food, and he just snapped, slapped me and took me to my room.
That was the first time. I got locked in my room a lot, slapped and punished for small things, given no food until the rare moments when he was sober, when he would feed me, hug me and ask for forgiveness.
It went on for about a year, until a night when he came back and was different, I think he was on drugs now that I think back. He slapped me like every day, but that night he didn’t stop at that. I was lucky that the neighbours heard my screams and called the police.
He beat me within an inch of my life. I spent a month in the hospital recovering from that night.
He was sent to jail, and I was shipped to an orphanage.
I was lucky enough that the day I arrived, a couple that couldn’t have children was visiting the orphanage. My mum says it was love at first sight. She saw tiny me standing awkwardly to the side, and instantly knew I was her son.” He smiled. “They adopted me and asked me if I wanted to keep my name, but I refused. Gunhyeong had only bad memories. So, I became Kim Jongdae, son of two loving, wonderful parents, and have been ever since.” He looked at Baekhyun. “Minseok hyung is the only person that knows. He used to live next door to me, so he saw me when my parents brought me home. He was nine at the time and took me under his wing. We’ve been best friends ever since.”
“It was the news, wasn’t it?” Jongdae raised an eyebrow. “What triggered you. The news the day you cut your hand.”
Jongdae nodded.
“It brought it all back. The kid was my age, it could’ve been me if I hadn’t screamed loud enough, or if the neighbours decided to ignore it.” He dried his cheeks. “Please don’t pity me for having been abused, or for being adopted.”
“I would never pity you for being adopted. Besides, you’re still Kim Jongdae, my best internet friend, my silly, louder than life prankster flatmate, the Chen that’s a loyal friend and one hell of a good guy.” They smiled at each other. “Thank you for telling me. It couldn’t have been easy. Thank you for trusting me with this. It changes nothing, though. And I will still get revenge for the flour in the hair dryer prank you played at me last Friday.”
Loud laughs resonated in the empty flat.
Thing I did and never thought I would do # 27 Watch the sunset from a tall building.
Thing I did and never thought I would do #28: Have someone trust me with a secret.