Venting, but also something good: very very short mention of drugs
I miss eating cherries during the summer.
I think you deserve it more. All the good things that happen to me.
I'm too scared to take it in. Any of the good stuff. I don't find it fair.
My muscles tense up. I really don't want to be doing this.
I was feeling okay. And then good. But I was too scared to be happy. I didn't want to feel okay. Not anymore.
🍒
When I was little, and I'd wake up before someone came in, and pretend to sleep. Everybody would complement my sleeping. But that wasn't my actual sleeping anymore, I had just woken up and was pretending.
I started making efforts to sleep the way that I would when I would pretend sleep. I sleep both ways now.
💤
Advanced classes get you credits. I don't think I should be in these classes. Specifically the math classes. I only have good grades because the teacher is helping me cheat. Which is nice and all but this isn't exactly sustainable.
Say, next year, I get a teacher who won't do this for me. I will probably fail. Accommodations can only get me but so far when I can't comprehend the material.
He's making me special tests, that are shorter and easier for me to understand. Things I can do at home.
I feel like at this point it should be a sign I don't need to be here. All other advanced classes I can work my way around, but this?.
🏫
I do get scared of smiling and laughing but at governor school I did both more often.
It was kind of like when I was younger. Except more quiet.
People kept asking me if I was high or on drugs..
Maybe it was because I'm more monotone now
This fear extends to when I draw. I try to draw myself smiling sometimes but it can freak me out.
🙂
Something good happened at church. Which I'm afraid of. But that doesn't actually matter.
There is a guy how I'd see coming in. I could tell he was around my age but his parents never came in with him.
He had a scooter.
I had my usual staring problem but I was able to stop.
This week we were in youth church together. They had all teens and kids together at first but now teens have their own separate place.
He's very quiet. He talks but you always tell what he's saying. So it took me awhile to figure out his name.
He's very nice. He said I deserved a baked potato.
He's also 16 but he said he's in freshman year.
I don't fully understand homeschooling.
Either way it was nice.
People would just talk about him while he was there, but it didn't seem like he noticed. Too busy becoming a ball or looking out the window.
🏐