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A New Visitor!

"Ah, hello!" Arc chirped, keeping close to Luneth's side though neither seemed wary of the newcomer. In fact, they were as welcoming as they should be. "Welcome to Ur!"

"Hey, it's been a while since we last had a visitor, huh?" Luneth noted with a grin.

#balthierbunansa #((thanks for the follow back!))

If this is love, then it is definitely not a many splendored thing. That's a pack of lies.

Whatever she was feeling, it was making her sick. Sick with anxiety, nearly making her nauseous with the very idea that he was gone. Either away or truly gone. Because with him? There was no telling when he'd return. He was unpredictable like that.

Here, one would find Celes in the bathroom of her given chambers in Figaro Castle, bent over the sink with a cold cloth to her forehead. Waking up from a nightmare. They were usually bad - they always were. That was something she was used to. But they never involved him.

It was a very simple nightmare. No gunfire, no explosions, no violence. It was very different from her other nightmares like that. But it was absolutely terrifying in its simplicity.

He had taken Cid's place. His role. He had cared for her during her coma, he had fallen ill, he had died under her watch so soon after she had woken up.

One hand held the cold cloth as she pressed it to her forehead. Her other hand held the necklace he had given her when he had returned for that short, fleeting moment. Staring at the necklace, the realization of why her nightmare had manifested the way it did came crashing down on her.

She was afraid he'd vanish completely. And never return. There'd be no more surprise visits, no more gifts. No more warm smiles, no more teasing, no more flirting. No more of their push and pull relationship, no more of her discovering just how damn good of a tease she really was (she had a feeling she was one of very very few that had ever gotten him to blush).

And what had hurt the most? There would be no more of him looking at her with appreciating eyes, recognizing and loving both what she did, and who she was - ex-general, genetically enhanced soldier, female. A woman. He treated her like a queen, an empress, and for the first time in her life, she liked it. He had a way of taking everything she hated about herself and showing her the good in it.

And that was when she started to feel.

He cause her to feel. And with him, it seemed like a good thing. She never knew the hows, the whats or the whys of everything she'd feel around him (all positive), but with him? She actually felt content. His presence alone made her feel content.

What if he's gone? What if? The mere thought of it made her choke. Quietly, she swore (something she's never done before).

I hate that I feel like this. I hate that he makes me feel like this.

"You make me feel," she whispered, her head slowly rising to look at herself in the mirror above the sink. "Why do you make me feel? Why?"

Feeling was wonderful in his presence. She didn't question it. She just silently reveled in it. Reveled in the fact that she finally felt happy. That she felt human.

It was a very odd thing to say, but now that the Empire was gone? She was feeling permanently detached from everything. Any attempts to express her feelings felt left by the wayside. His presence made her forget that. She had a sense that he sensed something in her. But what?

I'm not sure...if I'll ever know.

Slowly, she exited the bathroom and sunk onto the bed. While they had an 'agreement'...it had never been truly solidified. One thing after another came up, and that's what Celes put the blame on. Life.Because every time she'd put the blame on herself, she'd find it utterly foolish to do so the next time she laid eyes on him. And him? Oh no, she could never blame him. She'd never blame him. He had done so much for her already by being in her life and taking up the complicated role that he did.

There were only two things she could do now - either keep herself busy or go off and find him, in an attempt to quell her fears. The latter was an ever-rising temptation, but she had just returned. She didn't know if something had happened in her absence and her help was needed.

But already, her mind was set to packing again.

It wasn't right to ponder on the 'what ifs.' It wasn't fair to her health, and really, it wasn't fair to him either. But what if he was gone? What if he had died?

She knew what would happen....she'd blame herself. That she wasn't good enough, and as a result, he didn't stay. She was already starting to blame herself for his increasingly prolonged absences, each one longer than the last.

Would she tell anyone this? No. Has she attempted to? Yes. It never came out the way she wanted it to. She could never express herself properly. She never has been able to express her feelings properly, her needs. Maybe it was because she was always attending to the needs of someone else - usually soldiers, and always always the Emperor's wishes and commands. It was part of being a General. She was a weapon ready to bend to someone else's will at the drop of a hat.

But he was helping her find herself without ever realizing it. And he might never realize it, if her gut suspicions were correct.

One of the many things he had inspired in her was to try and make the best out of something. To turn trash into treasure, to find a silver lining and take advantage of it. To seize it, seize the moment. She had started to do that, to a degree, but his company seemed to have been reminding her to do it more, to do it often.

Yet as she sat there, trying to ignore the heavy, clenched feeling in her heart, she knew that there was no way to turn something good out of this. The panic, the painful feeling in her gut that he was gone. And that ever-so familiar feeling of detachment. Of constantly being on the outside looking in and being completely and utterly alone, now that the Empire was gone (her home, in every twisted sense of the word).

And she hated every minute of it.

Perhaps she should return to Ivalice after all.

#ooc; right...what tags should i use um-#balthierbunansa #and i'll just submit it elsewhere maybe....

PARTY AT LIGHT'S PLACE

"--Not that I'm aware of, kid. I'm sure the pirate would enjoy your company, though."

#vaan-dalmascan #balthierbunansa #ask

Hi, can I reserve Squall at the url gonetalkingtoawall? thank you

He's reserved. You have until the 18th to submit your application.

-Kuja

#balthierbunansa #answered

Might I reserve balthier? Perhaps? Or squall, as I'm currently creating a Squall account. Thank you

Both are available, but only one can be put on reserve. When you've decided, feel free to send another ask.