It was tradition: No coffee on Christmas morning; the joy of the season should be enough to perk you up. Rafael hatted this rule, craving coffee immediately after waking.
Caffeine deprived, he turned to see you perched on your elbow; you had awoken earlier and were waiting on him.
"Merry Christmas," you chirped enthusiastically.
"Merry Christmas. How are you this bright this early? I need two more hours of sleep and some coffee before I can consider getting up."
"Can't offer coffee, but I can offer hot cocoa and a blow job."
Can you please do "Have you thought about names yet?" and "I lost the baby." with Barba?
Are you trying to break me? Enjoy!(?)
Masterlist | Prompts | Request
“Have you thought about names yet?” and “I lost the baby.” | Rafael Barba
Warnings: Miscarriage, crying, loss, grief
The utter joy of playing with Jesse was almost enough to wash away your complete devastation. A smile came to your face as Jesse giggled, the noise small but enchanting enough to distract you from your pain.
Everyone had gathered in Amanda’s apartment; she offered to throw a dinner party for Carisi passing the bar, and everyone had congregated in the living room after the meal–supplied by the Carisi family, of course. While Carisi, Fin, and Dodds talked baseball, Liv and Amanda were lost in conversation about pediatricians while Liv bounced Noah on her knee. Rafael was beside you, his hand on the small of your back as he watched you with a small smile.
Your grin was real and large, for the first time since the news. “Are you laughing?” You cooed, tickling her foot with your index finger. “Yeah? Are you a happy baby?”
“Yeah, speaking of babies,” Carisi suddenly interrupted, breaking all the idle conversations and drawing everyone’s attention to him. “Have you thought about names yet?”
Your mouth fell open at the question, hand stilling but still resting on Jesse’s foot. She felt much heavier as you nestled her in your left arm, but that might have been the weight of everyone’s stares weighing down on you.
Rafael was equally as stunned, looking at Sonny with first shock, then anger. Before he could respond, though, Dodds was speaking. “Names?” He inquired, eyebrows furrowed as he looked at you.
“What, are you pregnant or something?” Fin laughed.
All traces of amusement left everyone’s faces when you didn’t respond. “You’re pregnant?” Olivia gaped.
“Congratulations!” Amanda cried, a smile lighting up her face.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Benson was mad. “I never would’ve sent you out to interview perps without a vest had I known!”
“Shit,” Sonny said dumbly, looking at you apologetically. “I forgot you hadn’t… I thought you had told people by now.”
“Carisi–” Rafael’s tone was tight, seething with anger, but you stopped him.
“Rafael, it’s okay,” you assured, taking in a shaky breath before turning to Olivia. “I’m sorry I never told you, but it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Doesn’t matter?” Sonny parroted. “Whaddya mean it doesn’t matter? Of course it matters! You and Barba are gonna be parents!”
“I lost the baby.”
The silence that then encased you felt heavier than their stares had. Fin and Dodds looked dejected, while Olivia and Amanda looked apologetic. Carisi was absolutely shocked.
Rafael was the first to break the silence, whispering your name as he watched your tears begin to spill over.
“Oh my God,” Sonny gaped. “I am… I am so sorry. I had no idea.”
You shook your head, bottom lip quivering
“Oh, sweetie,” Amanda breathed, moving towards you to place a hand on your knee. You couldn’t look up at her, eyes cast downward to Jesse, who had long since stopped giggling. “I’m so sorry.”
You shook your head quickly, lifting your hand from Jesse’s foot to swipe away the tears. You swallowed, pushing back the lump in your throat. “It’s okay,” you said. “It’s okay.”
Rafael shook his head, his free hand coming to grab yours, holding it tightly. He squeezed it reassuringly, swallowing back tears as well. “No it’s not,” he disagreed. “At least, not at this moment.”
Again, you shook your head, face crumbling. You stood up, handing Jesse over to Amanda before leaving the room.
They watched you run to the bathroom, heard the first sob escape. Just as Olivia stood to go console you, Rafael stopped her, headed to you with quick strides.
He called your name gently, pushing on the bathroom door that you had closed behind you. “Can I come in, mi amor?”
He didn’t wait for a response, walking in to see you sitting on the edge of the tub. Your head hung low, your face resting in your palms as sobs wracked your body.
Tears came to Rafael’s eyes, too, as he saw you. “Oh, cariño,” he whispered, sitting down next to you. “Come here, mi tesoro. Esta bien.” He wrapped his arms around you, his cheek pressed against the side of your head as you nuzzled into his neck.
“Rafi,” you gasped, your head gripping the nape of his neck tightly as pain shot through you.
“Lo siento,” he whispered. “Lo siento.”
“No, Raf, I’m sorry,” you sobbed. “For losing our baby.”
“Silencio,” he gaped, shocked to hear you accuse yourself. “Don’t ever say that. You didn’t do anything wrong, querido.”
“You don’t know that, Rafael. I was the one who miscarried,” you cried.
“That doesn’t make it your fault. A million things could’ve gone wrong, mi amor. If it wasn’t meant to be yet, then we just have to wait. But we’ll work this out; we always do.”
“Promise?” Your voice was small, muffled further by the fabric of Rafael’s shirt.
Despite that, he smiled. It was weak and it barely met his eyes, but it was a smile, nonetheless. “I promise.”
So I haven’t done a P1 for 13, so I’m assuming you mean a continuation for 17, which I promise is on its way! But, while I’m at it, I may as well write something for 13, right? ;) Enjoy!
13. “Please come home.” || Rafael Barba
As soon as you heard him calling your name, your head snapped up. “Raf?” You questioned as he strode in, surprised to see him in only a tee-shirt and jeans. At some point during the day, since he had left your apartment this morning, he had abandoned his three-piece suit in exchange for the more laid-back attire. “What are you doing here?”
“I went back to an empty apartment and I got worried,” he explained, perching himself on the edge of Carisi’s desk. “I called Liv and she told me that she left hours ago, thought you had, too. Looks like she was wrong.”
“I just needed to keep working this case,” you explained, continuing to shuffle through the papers. “Our vic told me he can’t sleep with his attacker still out there, so neither can I.”
“You’ve been burying yourself in this for the past three days, cariño,” he frowned. “Fretting over it hasn’t been doing any good.”
“And leaving it be is even more futile.”
“Cariño,” he sighed, grabbing your hand to bring it to his lips. “I know you want to help everyone–it’s one of the things I love most about you–but the case will still be here tomorrow morning. You need some rest. Please, come home.”
