Blitzball, and Moving
My apartment is feeling a little more comfortable now, though it still really needs decorations—some things on the walls, some flowers, etc. And it’s smaller than my house, obviously, but I think I can be comfortable for the time being. I lived on the road and in inns for years, and this place is at least my own, so while it may seem odd for someone of wealth to be living so simply . . . well, I’m still not used to all that money anyway.
Shirogane is quite beautiful. I wrote a song about it when I first journeyed here, about two turns ago. It’s so vibrant in ways unlike any Eorzean city. There is a lot of red in Shirogane and Kugane both, and that’s my favorite color, so that is also a positive quality in my book. There are lots of places to fish around here, too, and you’d be surprised what you can catch even in Kugane’s harbor!
Blitzball is one of the reasons I’m over here, and so far, I think it’s going quite well. The other cheerleaders have been very kind to me, and really helped me get more comfortable. It takes a lot out of me, inside, to have to smile sooooo much for so long . . . it’s a different kind of performance. I still don’t understand all the rules, but I can be loud, and my legs are quite strong, so I can leap and jump as good as the others even though they have the vigor of youth. I guess I have the vigor of . . . maturity?
I came here for other reasons, of course. I just really feel like I need a change. When you’re around people who know you all the time, it’s hard to change, because they expect you to be a certain way, and you feel like you want to be that way for them. But I’m not really happy much, these days. After my father died, it really felt like I had lost everything, and I was worried then that my heart might never recover. I still do. I honestly don’t know if it can be healed. But I know it can’t happen if I am the same old Taly everyone expects all the time. The same old Taly who is foolish enough to think she might find love someday.
But I don’t know who I want to be. It would be easier if I did. All I can think to do is try and change my ways, and see what happens. Try new things. Go new places. It’s a double edged sword, being here. On the one hand, I’m pretty anonymous, so if I go to a shop, the shopkeeper doesn’t recognize me, nor do the vendors selling food in the streets. I can walk anywhere and just . . . relax, and be whoever without judgment. On the other hand . . . I’m shy, and meeting new people has never been easy.
It was actually here that an old friend of mine, Dylan Thorne, told me something that I still remember. We bumped into each other at a festival here, and she carted me around with her for a bit. I, of course, was being shy and reticent and standing around alone. Dylan was much bolder than me, a quality which I envied. I commented on it, and she said every day when she went somewhere, she made a point to walk up to one person she didn’t know, and start a conversation. Now, for me . . . well, that prospect is terrifying. But I’m going to try to do it. I don’t know if it will help me, or change me, or what, but . . . well, what I’ve been doing with my life, outside of the Palazzo, isn’t working. And if I’m going to be alone, as seems to be the case . . . well, at least hopefully I will have a lot of friends. Wait . . . that’s a contradictory statement, but I think you get what I mean.
Oh, and I finally did get some clarity on S’hayla. We’ve been hanging out a bit, and I ran into her and Mana out by Bentbranch in the Shroud (I had to make a run back to buy some chocobos for my company). And after some conversation, I definitely got the message that she wasn’t interested in anything more than friendship. Now, this is as I would have expected, to be honest, but others had expressed that they thought otherwise.
It’s probably just as well. I was in a relationship recently and messed it up, which is what I’ve done the other couple times I got remotely close to anyone. I’m not sure what it is I do wrong, but it must be something. And also, Fhey had said that S’hayla would eat me alive . . . now, I don’t know exactly what that means, but it sounds bad. Also, Fhey isn’t the best source for information on suncats, who she seems to think have sex fairly non-stop. I mean, how would they get anything done? And if I’m half suncat, then why don’t I have that inclination? In any case, it was a nice thought, since I see her so often at things and therefore we must have a lot in common, but to any outside observer she is obviously out of my league. But she’s still an awesome person, and she likes to fish, so hopefully we can hang out even more. Luckily, I found out the lay of the land soon enough that I hadn’t said anything stupid yet. I don’t think. I hope not, I need more friends that fish.
So, I have to go back to the Tempo Rubato this week and do a performance, and I’m still deciding what songs to sing. It’s an all acoustic night, which is basically a night of my favorite music! Hopefully, I will do reasonably well. Then it’s back across the pond to Shirogane. So much travel now, with this move!
Time to take Cinnamon for a walk. I think she misses Fhey, though with the things Fhey was teaching her, a separation might help keep her out of trouble!