“You think I’d let him destroy me and end up happier than ever? No fucking way. He doesn’t get to win.”
HE DOESN’T HAVE MUCH time here, of t h a t he’s certain. even now, he can feel each s t i r r i n g in the force, the way it pulls at his consciousness, URGING him back into the conglomerate whole of undivided UNION with the universe. he is a PART of it now, a piece in a whole which is not m a d e to come apart. to manifest as HIMSELF now is to rip what has been stitched into the fabric of the cosmos, a BLACK HOLE, bleeding && jagged, left in his wake until he once more fills it. but for HER has he come, remorse filling his s p i r i t , pain for what his memory has yielded upon those he LOVED in life, those he had DIED to see free.
‘ THEN DON’T LET HIM. ‘ e p h e m e r a l tones sparkle like celestial heavens, seeming to HANG in the air, shimmering for a moment in the space between them. he WATCHES her, form hazy as he p r o j e c t s the form he’d held in life onto this plain of existence. it is TIRING work, perhaps, but one with the force leaves him NOTHING but strength. he regards her now, SOLUMN sorrow in his gaze, wishing only to REACH for her, to take that kiss he’d been forbidden so long ago. he c a n ‘ t , of course, so he does not try, does not want to BREAK her heart any further. ‘ there’s still light in you, TAHIRI. you can break free of him, still. you can CHOOSE GOOD, be all we’d planned to be. just leave him. ‘
“I’m…not the best with my lightsaber.” It’s true, she’s actually very bad with her blade, not so bad with her blaster, but she watches the other with a bit of a sheepish smile. “If we’re going to train on anything I’d suggest that.” She can kill a Krayt dragon without training in the Force, she doesn’t NEED that.
" I once knew a Jedi. So powerful in the Force he didn't need a lightsaber. "
" What matters not is your lightsaber abilities but your abilities with the Force. Which is why we put the lightsabers down until later. And we'll attempt something different my padawan. "
the moment he lands, he’s OUT of the cockpit. solid earth beneath his feet, yet he still feels floating, still feels as though his head is SPIRALING off to the outer limits. he’d felt it in the force, the LOSS, the pain. there could be NO mistaking what had happened. eyes wild, he searches around, a MAD MAN lost, adrift without an anchor. it’s TAHIRI he sees first, collapsing against her as HOT TEARS begin to fall. “ he’s gone. he’s GONE, && i never said goodbye. “
the scavenger slung her metal rod over her shoulder, she had her pack in one hand & her goggles in the other. she was heading out to another scavenging sight once more. she needed the parts & the money. no way was she getting anywhere with others like her finding similar items from the same dig sights. if she wanted good pay from customers then she had to be willing to throw herself out there & go past the borderlands --- where no one went. movement stopped in mid motion just as she was tying up the sack on the side of her speeder. on the other side of her bike was a blonde who seemed a little too interested in the likes of her ride & or the items that decorated it.
❛ hey, hey. ❜
the brunette dropped her hands, only to walk around to the other side of her speeder to come face to face with the woman who insisted on brushing up against something that wasn’t HER’S. ❛ what exactly do you think you’re doing? don’t touch what isn’t yours, got that? ❜ she was short & snippy with the other, but she usually had to be with people on this planet.
there’s a weight far beyond his AGE as the boy moves through the halls, an ANGER hidden behind his eyes. turned inward, it burns at him, turning LUNGS to ash. turned outward, the danger is clear. HE WILL BURN THE STARS FROM THE SKY ! not complacent to sit && do nothing, to wait for permission, he paces, READYING himself to depart. what he will do, he is not sure. all that’s known is that he must do SOMETHING.
footsteps, && he turns, eyes blazing as they stare ahead at the NEWCOMER. words of warning are spoken, DO NOT TRY TO STOP HIM ! he has to do something, won’t FAIL. so young, && yet he thinks himself BULLETPROOF, thinks himself indestructible. if only he knew how FALSE that was. though he should know by now that there will never be an attempt to STOP him, not from someone so close to the darkness himself.
about to leave, and he goes to PUSH past him, only to find a hand wrapping around the top of his arm, pulling him flush against a solid body. LIPS crush to LIPS, taking his breath away in a rough kiss for the BRIEFEST of moments until he is shoved away. a gruff don’t get yourself killed, kid, && he is left ALONE to his preparations.
II.
there’s BLOOD covering the other’s face, a thin trickle from his nose, a gash over his eye. it COULD have been worse, though, && anakin knows it. the fight had almost been FAR worse than it was, could have been far more DESTRUCTIVE if he hadn’t been there to ring it in, to o u t m a n e u v e r the unseen consequences. but now, his own body aches from the force he’s exerted. now, his own body aches from the exertion placed on it, head POUNDING as though a hammer && anvil were forging some DURASTEEL within it.
still, he must see to caiden first, is DETERMINED to see him off && well, to see that he suffers no lasting consequences for his involvement in JEDI movement. fiver has already been sent to fetch a MEDIDROID, && in the meantime anakin reaches out to wipe the blood away with GENTLE hand. the cloth he holds first CLEANS the cut at his forehead before moving down, tracing the c u r v e of his face.
almost without thinking about it, he LEANS forward, eyelids fluttering closed as lips find lips. it’s SOFT, an antithesis to everything that they had o n c e had the last time such actions had been taken. anakin thinks it somehow means more. regardless, all too soon it is OVER, the boy pulling back just before the MEDIDROID rounds the corner and comes upon them. his throat clears && he lets it begin it’s work, caiden’s recovery far more important than a BOY’S folly.
III.
that caiden has proven himself a BOONE to the jedi cause, has fought alongside his FAMILY across the stars, comes as a blessing when he should be caught by a GENERAL OF THE NEW REPUBLIC. it is not on jedi business that he is discovered, though the c h a r g e s , as they stand, are of interest to the boy. there will be time to ask about them, however, once he is delivered SAFELY into the custody of the jedi order.
he announces the identity of his X-WING before landing down on the dock, checking the vitals of his ship before stepping out. FIVER whizzes && beeps as he dismounts from the ship, joining anakin on the FLOOR below as he steps forward to greet the GUARDS waiting there. he has always hated diplomacy, found it DULL, a thing to drag when there were THINGS to be done && battles to be fought.
still, as he steps through the halls of the DETENTION CENTRE, it is diplomacy which he utilizes, promising that the proper punishment will be DELIVERED by the order. anakin has no intention of letting a PRICE be payed further than telling him what it was he was doing when he was caught, but the SENATOR showing him about does not need to know that. the BAIL is payed && anakin hardly pauses to look at caiden as he’s led out, instead turns to WORDLESSLY lead him back to the ship.
it is only once they are safely inside && have lifted off, the JUMP to hyperspeed made, that he turns. one GLANCE is all it takes to leave him tugging the older in, sealing LIPS to LIPS in an insistent plight. fingers thread themselves into DARK hair as he presses closer against him, BEGGING that he will not scare him like that again. next time, anakin might NOT be able to get him out of it.
IV.
moonlight filters in from the VIEWINGPORT to filter around them, bathing them in a silvery glow. when he smiles, the boy sings of STARLIGHT, of the glory of the cosmos, the i n f i n i t y of his love. they press together in the DARKNESS && the glow, two forms moving in SECRET, swallowing sound until it seems they move as though within a dream.
no words are said, though THREE are felt, passing between them in the darkness through the SOFTNESS of touch, the gentleness of caress. it’s DIFFERENT from the other times they’ve done this, comes not from lust, but something deeper, a NEED to feel the true recesses of one another. an URGENCY presses them closer still, until anakin’s legs wrap around the elder’s waist, lips INSISTENTLY pressing for more, giving all there is to give.
in the morning, anakin leaves with the DAWNING of light over coruscant, one last kiss pressed to caiden’s sleeping brow. how ODD, that he should seem so at peace in sleep, when through his WAKING hours, he is anything but. he lingers a MOMENT more before dawning his clothes && heading out, his duty to the jedi cause, his BELIEF in their fight, far greater than anything HE could wish for.
V.
months have passed since that night in CORUSCANT, && only now do the two reunite. the order is TIRELESS, as anakin has learned he must be in it’s service. now, BATTLE WEARY && WORN, he almost misses that familiar smear of DARK hair && sullen eyes. still, he follows behind him, down the HALLS of the ship, careful to keep himself concealed until they find themselves ALONE.
only then does he step from the shadows, a MAN where he had left a BOY. a tired smile on his lips, && he reaches out for him, drawing him closer, putting a HAND to the cheek of a STARTLED face. before words are spoken, he steps forward, a KISS pressed to the lips he’s missed so much. “ i love you. “ the words FALL from his lips before he realizes it, && to hear them return sends his heart to SOAR.
a laugh precedes the words of LOVERS long parted, lips never straying for too long. still WEARY, his body seems to ache less, his thoughts seem to haunt less now that he is in caiden’s arms. as ROUGH as he is, the warrior never far from his EYES, he comes as anakin’s refuge from the war. && anakin comes as his softness, his light. in this, he thinks, they are PERFECTLY MATCHED. in this, they are ENOUGH.
five times kissed (from irlhoundoom cause why the fuck not)
I.
the first time, it’s ANAKIN’S fault.
he’s half dead && lying across the couch in the deputy’s living room, trying his best not to bleed over the upholstery. recovery will COME, he knows, but that doesn’t erase the pain in the meantime. a hand to his SIDE, pushing a bandage in, trying to stop the bleeding, && they’re arguing. they do that a lot, truth be told. this time it’s about anakin’s rushing head first into danger, lightsaber SWINGING && caution to the wind, && his refusal to go see a DOCTOR. though human, he doesn’t want to know what will happen if the BEACON HILLS HOSPITAL takes a look at how his biochemistry is altered due to EXPOSURE to the force && his own high midi-chlorian count.
voices rise, && though he knows it comes from a place of CONCERN, the teenager can’t help but think he views the situation more CLEARLY than the deputy. after all, he may be OLDER, but it’s anakin that understands the ins and OUTS of the universe, anakin who can f e e l the fabric of life itself. it leaves a bit of OVERCONFIDENCE brimming through him as he argues, desperate for a way to STOP jordan’s worry, to convince him once and for all that it will be alright. his body ALREADY aches ; he doesn’t need to add jordan’s TENSION to that as well.
a kiss, though a rather EFFECTIVE way to silence his argument, is something as of yet UNBROACHED between them. there is an age difference, yes, but MORE than that, he has never had any indication that such advance would be WELCOMED. yet a kiss is what comes, before he even REALIZES it’s done, && he freezes. jolting back, he stares, SHOCKED, before making an excuse, blaming crazy things on the ADRENALINE, claiming to need rest to heal. he doesn’t want to think about THAT, doesn’t need more confusion to deal with.
II.
the second time comes a good deal after the first. he’s on the side of the road, pulled OVER with the blinking lights signaling a DEPUTY’S car. he knows exactly the reason, his habit of SPEEDING having been pushing a new record, but he’s also l e t himself be caught at it, sensing a familiar presence, knowing just WHICH deputy it was behind the wheel. they’ve been avoiding each other, after THE FIRST TIME, leaving the kiss untouched on, untalked about. they haven’t talked since then, have been AVOIDING being in the same place as much as possible. but it’s time, anakin thinks, for that to END.
if nothing else, as he rolls down the window of his car, he’s expecting to be GIVEN a ticket in return for an apology for his previous behavior. so surprise colors his features, GALAXIES swimming in his gaze as he nods && undoes his seatbelt. the door opens, his hand shaking as he STEPS out, eyes trained on the deputy in front of him. hands held UP, he waits for further instruction. it doesn’t come. instead, his arms are guided down to rest at his side, the posture of CASUAL CONVERSATION rather than of deputy && suspect.
an apology falls from his lips, hushed, HURRIED tones falling from his lips, only to find them cut off by the press of jordan’s lips to his own. it leaves his BREATH to pause, toes curling in his shoes as he leans up, an arm DRAPING around the other’s neck. shock comes ; he had never expected such a response, never THOUGHT that jordan might be kissing him. but he will not DENY it, his smaller frame melting into the older’s until they pull back, foreheads RESTING together in silent embrace. again, he starts an apology, this time WORDS cutting through it, the hushed whisper of it’s okay preceding the GHOST of lips to lips once more. yes, he can’t help but think. it’s VERY okay.
III.
the third time, it’s casual. it’s just the touch of lips against lips in the KITCHEN of jordan’s apartment. they’re making dinner, anakin’s PARENTS out on a job for his uncle, his older siblings off with them, && he was taking advantage of their absence to spend time with DEPUTY PARRISH. he’s a horrendous cook, but it’s a lucky thing that jordan will eat just about anything. still, laughter flows, a bit of FLOUR stuck to the side of anakin’s nose while a streak lines jordan’s hair. it’s with a GRIN that he traces that streak with his fingertips, tugging him in for a KISS that is more smile against smile than anything else.
IV.
the fourth time, there’s the taste of ANGER, of a lack of understanding, of f r u s t r a t i o n . the fourth time, anakin thinks it might be the end. an EASY trip, a spin around the bend, && he thought it would be fun. the engines roar, nowhere near the FASTEST he’s ever gone, yet the deputy’s knuckles on the dashboard are WHITE. he pulls over to the side, a bit of a n n o y a n c e clouding the face of youth, && he stares dubiously at the one so OBJECTIONABLE towards his habits.
they fight, one STAUNCH in his belief that anakin’s use of the force undermines authority && the laws which he protects, the other ABSOLUTE in his belief that the force is his to use as a tool, that no harm is done. around && around, the arguments go, neither gaining any ground. finally, they FADE into hushed apologies from both sides, both TIRED of the fighting though neither has won. they meet in an embrace, face pressed into the curve of a neck, && fingers find the curve of anakin’s jaw. the slightest tilt, && he looks up, only to find himself DRAWN into the gentlest of kisses. they may not always agree, but they will always come back together in the end.
V.
the fifth comes in soft breaths && gentle caresses, HEAT gathering between them as two become one. anakin will be LEAVING soon, his UNCLE calling for him, a new threat brimming on the horizon. even as they come together, he feels it in the distance, TEARING them apart. && who knows when they will once more come together again ? in this sleepy town, JORDAN has his own demons to face, the rising threat imminent && threatening the LIFE of everyone here. && beyond the town lines, a world waits, && anakin left to protect it. their duties will take them APART, will rob them of this happiness. but NAME ONE HERO WHO WAS HAPPY. it is not the path they must travel.
but they steal this MOMENT in lips pressed to lips, steal this INFINITY in the way fingers trail over bare skin. between the SHEETS && in the heat of night, they find their eden. thin as SMOKE, it vanishes in the morning light, with one soul never to return again. with one soul burning too BRIGHTLY not to burn out.
ew that loser. jk, ollie is... amazing tbh. we met a year ago back in the PETER PAN fandom, and i never would have thought then that we’d be where we are now. but ollie’s become my best friend, my confidant, and so much more. i can honestly say that i LOVE him, && i couldn’t ever imagine not having him in my life. he’s honestly the BEST boyfriend a girl could ask for && i’m so lucky to have him.
