#base brat

[ryles-comfort-room]

I look up "small town" and stuff on here, and I am CONVINCED y'all have never actually been to one. It's not "oooooh~ spooky" or "oh i met the love of my life at the one cozy lil coffee shop" NO

it's just..no. ya can't even go to Kelsey's without someone going "oh you're ____'s daughter? My uncle's sister-in-law's son worked with him. Yeah Tom? i think your dad and him worked together in that one squadron around Winnapeg in 1993!"

[bee-fit4]

I’ve started talking to people about wanting to join the military and started trying to get more answers on qualifications and requirements. 

I guess i’ve started planning my life.

When i was younger, I would have never wanted to join the military even though it was all i’d known. Now i’ve seen the real world and I want to go back to what I knew for so long.

[bee-fit4]

I grew up with my dad gone a lot. It was just my mom and my brothers. Me and my brothers aren't even really that close.. i mean they're close but i'm not. We were close when we were younger but then we grew apart and never really got overly close again.  My dad's close with my brothers and talks to them all the time , but the only thing that he ever talks to me about is football. One thing. One topic. He doesn't know how to talk to me about anything other than football.  It's hard to grow up with three brothers and not seeing your dad a lot, because then when he is there it's like fighting for attention. What makes it even harder to do is the fact that we don't have the same interests. Just one. People always ask me how it was moving all the time. And honestly it sucked. It sucked moving from place to place. It didn't help with school, and it didn't help with being able to deal with the fact that my dad was never there.  Now when ever i have problems I just want to pack everything and move. I don't want to try and work things out, i just want to move away and start fresh. Sure that could be a normal thing for anyone .. but for me it's the fact that moving was all i knew. Me and my dad aren't close.. and maybe we never will be. I'm not really sure how to talk to him about anything and he still talks to me like i'm in the military.  I guess it just makes me think that i could easily live on my own without a guy around because i've always fixed everything myself. Do i have daddy issues? I guess you could say that I do.

[bee-fit4]

for some unknown reason my friend from grade school feels the need to send me videos of parents coming home to their families after war and such. all it does is make me cry and bring back memories that i don't want to remember. it doesn't bring back the ones of my dad coming home,  all it does is bring back the ones of him leaving. the videos make me bawl my eyes out and then all i do is think about it. but then she continues to send me them even after i tell her not to. nobody understands what it's like to have your dad leave for so long at a time and have no idea where he is or when he's coming back. and then when he is .. you never know how long he's going to be there.