On baseball and belief and the personal stakes of it all from Baseball and Men’s Lives by Robert Mayer (pg 58-60)
It is a quiet evening in June, the Mets are stalled at the .500 mark, 28 and 28, three games behind the Pirates, and they are playing a not particularly significant game at Montreal…
Unfortunately, as is my lifetime compulsion, I watch the game till the end. Gooden relinquishes most of the lead in the bottom of the eighth, and when John Franco is brought in to relieve, he blows a save for the first time this season. At the end of eight the score is tied, 5-5. My cheerful evening has slipped, with the suddenness of a spring shower, into vague uneasiness…
The Mets take a 6-5 lead into the bottom of the ninth. Exasperation tilts its face toward a watchful wariness.
Bottom of the ninth. With one out Bonilla in right breaks in for a line drive. Then he slams on the breaks and watches the ball sail over his head for a double that should have been caught. The ghost of Metsies past watches and grind. Can’t anybody here play this game? Franco uncharacteristically walks the next batter on four pitches. The tying and winning runs are on base. Wariness slumps, sunken chested, into resignation.
Earlier in the game I had eaten dinner in front of the set: roast skinless chicken breast, roasted potatoes, carrots, onions. Tasty and heart-wise. The empty plate has long since been removed to the kitchen sink, but a napkin and a toothpick are on the small table in front of me. I move the napkin, the toothpick, from the table to the desk beside me.
With the Mets about to blow another, John Franco stretches, pitches. The batter slams a sharp grounder up the middle. Franco spears it on one hop. He turns and fires toward second. The throw is high and to the right, is headed toward right-center, but Schofield (again!) leaps high, somehow manages to flag the ball while keeping his foot on the base, evades another set of incoming spikes, and completes the double play. The game is over. The Mets, undeserving, have staggered to a victory.
I slump in my chair. The dinner churning in my stomach. The Mets are now 29 and 28. Would it really have mattered, in the universal scheme of things, if they had ended this night at 28 and 29? What’s Torborg to me, or me to Torborg, that I should churn for him?
Idly, I glance toward my telephone. He won’t even call, I’m sure of it. He won’t even call to thank me for moving the napkin, the toothpick.