Feeling
Using Google Translate here!🗣‼️‼️ Sorry for any spelling mistakes or inconsistencies, I'm working on fixing them and improving 🥺 My first person to tag! This is for you @softycheol, @jsprien213
I am hungry I have been hungry I was born hungry, what do I need? - Abbey, Mitski.
It's not your fault, it's not your fault.
The bathroom mirror covers half of the wall, it is a spider web that catches you with your worst enemy; the silence, your own mind.
The air feels heavy, closed, the bathroom (bigger than your own room in this house) is collapsing around you but the walls are still there, you feel like everything is collapsing on you but no one else can see it.
Or they don't care, and that's worse.
Why aren't they interested? Why don't they see you? Why between them and not with you? What's wrong with you?
"I think we both know all those answers"
The voice your voice echoes and is firm; You look serene, neat, with perfect posture and a face of steel, you look how you want to see yourself while you feel miserable.
"It's not fair" you whisper, trying to breathe, but tears and snot get stuck in your throat.
"Poor you, everyone is against you, right?" The tone your tone is sarcastic, mocking in a cruel way "What a shame, really, how sad"
For a moment you feel heard, understood by your mind, validated.
"If you really felt it"
You look up so hard that your neck hurts, you look in surprise at your reflection, which looks back at you with indifference, cold satire as if your suffering were its entertainment.
"What...?"
"Enough, stop this pathetic act, behave with dignity for once and not like a puppy looking for attention" Your breathing is erratic, fogging up the thin glass like the breath of a dragon or the proximity of a lit match.
That's how you feel, like a fire that gains strength inside you, that burns your intestines in order to free itself, to burn your bones, burn your skin, extinguish you and burn everything else.
"You're nothing ashamed, but that's in your blood"
"It's not true, I'm worthy"
"Worthy of what? Of attention? Of belonging? You were never worthy of anything" your words are harsh, hitting you physically and mentally "You never deserved it"
"You lie, I deserve it more than anyone"
"You just want to take and take, does that fill the emptiness in your stomach? In your heart?"
"Fuck your metaphors! You don't know shit!"
"Oh but I know" you whisper, smiling with all your teeth, beautiful and terrifying "Who but your mind knows what you really want; what you need"
"You don't give a shit about family, it was never your interest, that's why you let mom be kidnapped, and how well it turned out for you, right? Being rescued by a billionaire"
"Stop!"
"And the sad attempts to 'connect' with him, what did you really expect, a father and daughter relationship? You don't know what a father is, you don't know how to feel what you've never felt"
"Enough"
"Those children went through the same thing as you, dead father dead mother, and not even they considered you worthy of company! How humiliating can that be?!"
Your cries are ignored again.
"Child after child, further and further down the hall, and you cared? God no! Did it hurt you? Not at all, because you don't feel anything for these guys! You're angry that they didn't fall into your hands like the whores and the boss did when mom was no longer around!"
"Say it! Say that you love control! That you want to have everything because you feel like you have nothing! No matter how many awards you win, how many diplomas you have, how many skills you strengthen, YOU WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED!"
¡CRASH!
That didn't even hurt, and when the next person who entered the bathroom only saw the broken glass with the mark of a blow in the middle and blood staining the carpet down the hallway.
Now the new glass is small, it decorates the bathroom of your small house on the outskirts of Gotham, it barely covers your face and part of your collarbones.
Your reflection no longer sees you as insignificant, no, now you see yourself, now you are the reflection.
That didn't fill the void either.