March 2019, getting over the embarrassment
*this content may only be understood by someone who practices holistic health care, and is informed in yoga and mind body practices.
The truth is, I have felt ashamed. I have felt very very ashamed.
I started this blog because I have been experiencing a lot of physical pain, and have felt at a loss of how to express it.
I have for many years, been very fit, very on top of my health game, an ace at being abreast of the cleanest, most comforting, and environmentally conscious food, and an amazing cook in the kitchen.
As an artist, the obtainment of good health care has been a difficult one. For a time as a full time employed product designer, I had a health care plan that enabled me to see doctors I resonated with. But in 2013 after loosing my job, I obtained Medicaid for the last six years. Thankfully I have still been able to see my general practitioner, but obtaining good therapists and holistic health care practitioners has been difficult.
For the longest time I was my own doctor.
Through my daily yoga practice, I was able to feel any and all ailments coming on, knowing when to rest, exercise drink water, up the ginger tea and Neti pot practice, & all the rest.
In 2015, I had a panic attack, and was very over stressed. I was hospitalized and put on anti-depressants and anti-seizure medication. In April 2018, I became very fed up with the anti- depressant medication I was on. I truly felt it was affecting my thought process’ in a negative way. Feeling un heard by my doctor, and family I choose to stop taking it.
But what happened after I stopped taking the medication was something I did not expect. My circadian rhythms became completely thrown off, I was unable to wake up and make myself breakfast, and my subtle body systems began to fail.
I have been embarrassed to talk about this,
This past year has felt like hell on earth.
At 32, I am unable to take care of myself in a supportive way. Now, I struggle to get up in the morning, finding my body in a starvation mode, but also too tired to get myself out of bed to make food.
My physical body is starting to shrink, and at times i can see my veins popping out of my arms and feet. I can feel my vibration lowering, and when a lay my head down at night, I hear a ringing sound, almost as if I am hearing or picking up the sounds of the electronics in my room.
As a sensitive person this has been extremely hard to deal with.
I am started this blog as a way to document on a daily basis how I feel, share experiences good and bad, and the ways I am trying to improve.
